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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Ayisha Emotions about CPTSD Diagnosis
  • replies: 1

I am new to Beyond Blue. I am hoping to share my experiences and opinions about CPTSD with other sufferers. I'm sure we could relate to each other's situation and perhaps share ideas about how to improve our day to day lives. Below is one of a number... View more

I am new to Beyond Blue. I am hoping to share my experiences and opinions about CPTSD with other sufferers. I'm sure we could relate to each other's situation and perhaps share ideas about how to improve our day to day lives. Below is one of a number of definitions pertaining to CPTSD. C-PTSD is generally until now, known as a psychotic condition known to veterans of war, but thankfully more recent studies prove that this condition is prevalent in lay-persons who have also suffered an event or events that have transformed their persona, their person in its entirety. (Unknown source) I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), when I was 55 years old. Why I couldn’t have just plain PTSD is beyond me, mine had to be the complex kind, the incurable kind. After I was diagnosed with C-PTSD (which I had never heard of before), I started researching about the condition. I was desperate for information and answers. I was shocked; I was astonished to find that the information on the internet read like it had been written about me. I could see myself in every word on every page! My heart stopped beating; there was no blood in my veins, as the words exploded in my brain. The meaning of the words in the definition above sums up C-PTSD to me. ‘My person in its entirety has changed’. To me this means I am not the person I was supposed to be: I am not the person I was born to be. Well that’s just great! So who’s going to fix me? What type of cure does one seek out for this? Who is going to remedy all the havoc that has occurred over the years. The lost family and damaged relationships that I have caused, and estrangements that we have all suffered throughout the time. What treatment is going to rid me of my addiction to alcohol. If my persona has been transformed, then what the heck is my real persona supposed to look like? Perhaps I would have been a better mother to my children? A better friend, a better partner. I was robbed through my trauma as a child... my innocent soul was stolen! No wonder I had trouble relating to myself all my life! I was condemned to a life not my own! Does anyone else want to share how they felt when they were first diagnosed?

Tobias_Squeezer Postpartum depression & Anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi. I have experienced postpartum depression and long-term anxiety disorder. I am over the anxiety, finally! I benefitted from a ‘mental healthcare plan’ from my Doctor. I had 12 Psychology visits in 2010. I thought these would be all about my sexual... View more

Hi. I have experienced postpartum depression and long-term anxiety disorder. I am over the anxiety, finally! I benefitted from a ‘mental healthcare plan’ from my Doctor. I had 12 Psychology visits in 2010. I thought these would be all about my sexual molestation history, but they weren’t . They focused on ‘unhelpful thinking styles.’ I did the homework, & benefitted greatly. The bad memories get worse with age, but my anxiety ramped up inexplicably, nearing menopause, despite medication. It turns out I had inflammation in my gut & brain, & a Naturopath has helped eliminate that, & finally I feel relief! So it’s not always ONLY Psychological. This is worth noting, if things worsen despite feeling in control in every other way.

Tay13 Long Term Thread: Overwhelming Situations
  • replies: 7

As Per "Community Champions" advice - I plan to start a long term thread. For a place that I can go when I need to let a few things go. (I hope that my words stay the same - as I'm not trying to be destructive: few of my comments previously were chan... View more

As Per "Community Champions" advice - I plan to start a long term thread. For a place that I can go when I need to let a few things go. (I hope that my words stay the same - as I'm not trying to be destructive: few of my comments previously were changed around so my points I was trying to make became quite confusing and frustrating) As a very bland, undetailed start - I started self harm at age 11, was in PMH Eating Disorders program from age 14 to 19 for Anorexia Binge/Purge type, Complex PTSD, Clinical (?) Anxiety and have heard bits and pieces in between many hospital visits and extremely short term (3 visits MAX) 'mental health councilors'. I am currently 23 + have a 3 months old son. Today I want to post what I wrote down this morning to get a metaphorical ball rolling - in hopes this is a better Idea than what I am second guessing now. --- "I am constantly overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Fighting or obeying this perfectionism. It drives me mental. I have no feeling of content - Always needing more or much, much less. My mind works in 1000 words a minute + is increasingly hard to hone in + settle or embrace some sort of common ground, to process + accomplish. I don't even know how to begin to elaborate - If I need some help or not. My Major concern is never being 'Good enough' Secondary is feeling as though I've missed out - on living or discovering + embracing my 'self'. Things are too complicated to be one or the other. Example: I've been extremely stressed before + feel once you've dove these deep waters of Psychosis its extremely hard to determine if I am 'sad' or 'depressed' - I say, I guess I'm "Overwhelmed" ---

Sian_J when will it get easier....? will it ever get easier....?
  • replies: 4

BRIEF INTRODUCTION SO EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT ON THIS THREAD... Saturday 7th February 2009, natural disaster - known as the Black Saturday bushfires what destroyed many homes, took many many lives, and left so many people lives empty an... View more

BRIEF INTRODUCTION SO EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT ON THIS THREAD... Saturday 7th February 2009, natural disaster - known as the Black Saturday bushfires what destroyed many homes, took many many lives, and left so many people lives empty and destroyed. My family and I lived in one of the worse affected towns flattened by e natural disaster. Kinglake. Anyways, next years is the big 10 Year Anniversary since the event. I relapsed already and I’m currently an impatient at an private hospital in Dandenong, (for those who don’t live in Melbourne Australia, it’s a hospital on the Mornington Penisula). Like i said above, I’ve already relapsed from just the anxiety building toward the anniversary, and where still 4 months away. Yes, it’s not the entire reason behind my relapse but it does play a massive part to the reason for my relapse. Anyways, getting off topic. I’m so anxious about the anniversary next year. How am I suppose to cope with the emotions of it being the big 10 years since the event happened, whilst having camera in my face because they want to capture everything on video. What at should I do to prepare myself? Does anyone have any suggestions??

Ceege Where to go, what to do.
  • replies: 10

I was diagnosed with PTSD 10 years ago after 3 sexual assaults(all by strangers, not dates gone wrong), a hateful adoptive mother that made my life hell and 7 MVA none were my fault and the last was deliberate action by the other driver. I am current... View more

I was diagnosed with PTSD 10 years ago after 3 sexual assaults(all by strangers, not dates gone wrong), a hateful adoptive mother that made my life hell and 7 MVA none were my fault and the last was deliberate action by the other driver. I am currently living in public housing in a rural area. I have no family as I was an only child and my parents are long dead. I never married. There are 2 violent alcoholic males here. I have an AVO in place against one and have an application hearing against the other one in 3 days time. I had been functioning reasonably well until this pair of idiots started up. The one I already have the AVO against even made threats in front of the magistrate and the order isn't a week old yet and I've breached him already. I am finding it hard to sleep because one or the other of them could come flying through my window at any time plus the pair of them continually brawl, often outside my bedroom window. I have nowhere else to go, housing denied my application for transfer. The one I have the AVO against lives in the flat next-door. He often chucks 2 y/o tanties in his flat at all hours and wakes me out of sleep often in a panic attack. There are basically only minimal health services here and I don't have any money to pay for any. I also have various physical problems as well. Complaints fall on deaf ears.

Scotty2013 Substance Disorder
  • replies: 5

Good Afternoon, Anyone deal with Substance disorder, I like to use that word rather than Addiction?. It's common amongst us with Anxiety/Dep/Trauma/. So i deal with 2 birds and so far I've managed a good decade or so of stability. I guess that's a go... View more

Good Afternoon, Anyone deal with Substance disorder, I like to use that word rather than Addiction?. It's common amongst us with Anxiety/Dep/Trauma/. So i deal with 2 birds and so far I've managed a good decade or so of stability. I guess that's a good thing, I work my Pharmacological program as directed, it worries me though this Opiate Epidemic in the states, I hope it never hits our shores last thing i need is temptation on every corner... I do find though i fight through Stigma at times and wish people would understand the nature of this disease, but i feel education is the key. Just curious if anyone else is in this boat?, fortunately ive some support and not alone, always a constant worry though things change, and i don't do change well. Anyhow thought i would just open the gates and see if anyone else struggles with SD with Mental Health .

Sadgina I do believe that I was in a very Manipulative Narcissistic Relationship
  • replies: 68

Someone told me about Beyondblue, so I joined in today, as I think I really needed help even just to talk to someone, in regard of what I’m going through now. I was living with my man for more than 5 years and I realised and do believe that he’s suff... View more

Someone told me about Beyondblue, so I joined in today, as I think I really needed help even just to talk to someone, in regard of what I’m going through now. I was living with my man for more than 5 years and I realised and do believe that he’s suffered with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I know I can’t diagnose someone with such an illness without professional test, but after with him in a period of time he has all the symptoms known to man. Five years ago our relationship starts so amazing and wonderful, and I even thought I’d meet my soulmate. He’ll do anything & everything for me, very protective, very thoughtful, sending dozens roses to work. After 6 months things had changed showing the red flags he has the control of everything from the food shopping, the food we eat, all of our financials we have joint account, he’ll decide what clothes I wear, which friends I can see. My son (not his son) moved out as my partner has an OCD problem, and he use it as his ticket just to nagged us and told us how dirty we were. In the last couple years situations gotten worsts it’s gone from south to north. He became very verbally abusive, put me down, nagger, call me names, counting everything he does, and me not doing anything. I feel like walking on eggshells, there’s a time when I sat down in sofa after work, I have to get up quickly pretend I’m doing something when he arrive home. Because he’ll get up me for sitting in the lounge and not doing anything. There’s a time that we had screaming match and he’d told me that he wishes me to die and rot somewhere. I haven’t told any of my family members about this as I was so embarrassed. I’d hang on to this relationship because we bought a property together with my only deposit in it in the beginning of the relationship. He’d manipulate me to change job from good paying nurse to poorly paid labourer Now I moved out as our relationship becomes so intense, toxic and violent he keeps knives under bed,pillow spare gun in the bedroom, also I found a hidden camera in my room. I don’t trust him anymore, I felt so violated I don’t know what to do as he wanted me to go back. If not he’ll make the sale of the property so difficult.I love him with all of me. Now he’s angry, makes me feel guilty for leaving him & not talking to me. I feel so bad and worried about him, I’m so confused, Please anyone can help me think through as I’m very confused not coping well. I want to moved on but it’s so hard. Thanks Beyondblue, Sadgina

I_wish_to_be_anonymous How much more can I take?
  • replies: 3

I’m a Firefighter with the CFA and I’ve only been in this role for a year now. I joined at the minimum age of 16 and it’s been a rewarding career that has had some severely dark sides to it. Since I’ve been in the CFA I have been to 45 vehicle accide... View more

I’m a Firefighter with the CFA and I’ve only been in this role for a year now. I joined at the minimum age of 16 and it’s been a rewarding career that has had some severely dark sides to it. Since I’ve been in the CFA I have been to 45 vehicle accidents which 4 of those were fatalities, I’ve been to plenty of fires which some have had a good ending others haven’t and I’ve been to many jobs where people have taken their own life. At my age I have seen things that nobody should ever see. when I joined I thought that I would be much resistant to what I see.. I was wrong just about every night I either go to sleep shaking, or I’m restless in my sleep, sometimes I’m even violent in my sleep there’s been a few nights that I’ve accidentally harmed my girlfriend in my sleep and have hurt her to the point she doesn’t want to sleep next to me for a few days.. I hate it but I can’t help it, I have nights where I go to bed in tears and I’m feeling completely empty with the thought of just ending it all as my only option. One part of me just wants to die just so I can have a break from it all.. The other half of me reminds me of how that would impact my loved ones but that part of me gets weaker and weaker.. I don’t know how much more I can take and I’m reaching out for an answer right now because this is my last resort. I’m in tears as I write this because Ive always wanted to help people but by doing so I’m tearing myself apart.

Living57 Childhood abuse needing to face it
  • replies: 15

I need some guidance, help, suggestions. I was abused as a child. One of my abusers went on to become a policeman in Victoria, he has since retired. He was my brother, was because I have nothing to do with him. The last time I confronted him he denie... View more

I need some guidance, help, suggestions. I was abused as a child. One of my abusers went on to become a policeman in Victoria, he has since retired. He was my brother, was because I have nothing to do with him. The last time I confronted him he denied the abuse, I told him I wanted to go to the police and discuss it, he laughed at me and told me they wouldn't do anything because he was one of them and they protect there own. Then he hung up. I have picked up the phone a few times but dont know what department or who to talk to. Is he telling it true that they wont listen to me because he was a policeman. I need to deal with this issue, it haunts me, and I need some peace of mind. I just dont know what to do. Do I push it to the back recesses of my mind, or do I try and be listened to. I dont even know what could be done if they listened to me, if anything could be done. I know it plays over and over, and my other concern is that he has granddaughters as well, are they in any danger. Any suggestions, I would be grateful.

GrowingStrong PTSD and Employer Disclosure
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have a long standing complex trauma PTSD diagnosis and I am currently looking for a new job. I was wondering what your personal experiences are in disclosing your diagnosis to potential employers. Have you disclosed to employers? Did y... View more

Hi everyone, I have a long standing complex trauma PTSD diagnosis and I am currently looking for a new job. I was wondering what your personal experiences are in disclosing your diagnosis to potential employers. Have you disclosed to employers? Did you choose not to? In the past I have not told anyone I worked with and it has become a horrible surprise for all parties when a panic attack is incidentally triggered. I don’t feel shame around my diagnosis, but I do fear discrimination. I am aware there are laws against discrimination based on disability, but I feel there are so many ways to get around it in practice. Any thoughts/ideas are much appreciated