Its been a while since I last posted I thought I was over it but no the
anger resentment , frustration ,self loathing ,are all still there just
under the surface. Yesterday I had to attend a view, organised by my
legal team ,attended by a lawyer repr...
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Its been a while since I last posted I thought I was over it but no the
anger resentment , frustration ,self loathing ,are all still there just
under the surface. Yesterday I had to attend a view, organised by my
legal team ,attended by a lawyer representing the other side ,and the
company and their item that contributed to my injury. This goes back
nearly six years ,and we get there and the item for view isnt close to
what contributed to my injury, I walked towards it and wanted to smash
it apart ,my lawyer told me 4 times not to do what I did ,my wife got in
my face and told me I was stupid ,the smug representative and site
manager smirked and smiled ,all the way home I copped an earfull ,and it
just got worse at home. I have never wanted to hit someone more ,my
angers out of control ,I get told there wont be a judgement till March
or April next year. Since 2015 I havent had an income and have to live
of my wifes wage ,before that I was getting the 75% of my pre injury
wage ,after 130 weeks nothing from workcover , the only reason I am
still here is because I would miss my wife and kids , it has got to the
stage where I wonder if its worth it. My wife says I always show people
a happy face and only she gets to see the real me. And then last night
she said she thought we should seperate. Great. Another nail to add to
my coffin, I really want to stay around and screw the 2 insurance
companies but I dont know if I want to face it. Next week my Daughters
getting engaged, the Monday after I go under the knife for my 19th
surgery, 2 Drs have recently suggested an amputation . I have no money
to give for the engagement, I'm scared about the upcoming surgery , and
my good friend PAIN is still with me constantly. I really feel like I am
self destructing, when I see something I want to step in ,not caring
about myself. Sleep is not happening I lie in bed and feel the weight on
my chest restricting breathing , sitting here ,typing this ,doesnt help
either, like it used to .I have to go to centrelink and see if my
disability pension has been approved ,bet it hasnt, and that just adds
to my depression. Isnt life wonderfull for those with a problem in their
lives people dont care they look at you and nod but really think your
milking it I even blew up at a little old guy who was pulling out of a
disabled parking spot because he didnt have a label he pulled 1 out of
the door pocket ,bet it wasnt his, I am just angry at everything and
everyone.