Emotions about CPTSD Diagnosis

[Ayisha]

I am new to Beyond Blue. I am hoping to share my experiences and opinions about CPTSD with other sufferers. I'm sure we could relate to each other's situation and perhaps share ideas about how to improve our day to day lives.

Below is one of a number of definitions pertaining to CPTSD.

C-PTSD is generally until now, known as a psychotic condition known to veterans of war, but thankfully more recent studies prove that this condition is prevalent in lay-persons who have also suffered an event or events that have transformed their persona, their person in its entirety.
(Unknown source)

I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), when I was 55 years old. Why I couldn’t have just plain PTSD is beyond me, mine had to be the complex kind, the incurable kind. After I was diagnosed with C-PTSD (which I had never heard of before), I started researching about the condition. I was desperate for information and answers.

I was shocked; I was astonished to find that the information on the internet read like it had been written about me. I could see myself in every word on every page! My heart stopped beating; there was no blood in my veins, as the words exploded in my brain.

The meaning of the words in the definition above sums up C-PTSD to me. ‘My person in its entirety has changed’. To me this means I am not the person I was supposed to be: I am not the person I was born to be. Well  that’s just great! So who’s going to fix me? What type of cure does one seek out for this? Who is going to remedy all the havoc that has occurred over the years. The lost family and damaged relationships that I have caused, and estrangements that we have all suffered throughout the time. What treatment is going to rid me of my addiction to alcohol. If my persona has been transformed, then what the heck is my real persona supposed to look like? Perhaps I would have been a better mother to my children? A better friend, a better partner. I was robbed through my trauma as a child... my innocent soul was stolen! No wonder I had trouble relating to myself all my life! I was condemned to a life not my own!

Does anyone else want to share how they felt when they were first diagnosed?

[PamelaR]

Hi Ayisha and a warm welcome to our community forums

It's so good you've found your way here. Being diagnosed with CPTSD is frightening isn't it? Especially when you start reading about it.

I experience both PTSD and CPTSD. Great combination hey? Life has had it's challenges over time, however, I've come through the other side and it's a very good place to be in. It is hard work and it takes time.

So how did I feel when I was first diagnosed.... awful to be honest. I was going through a breakdown at the time, so it didn't really mean much to me at the time. The memories that were flooding back was what I was most worried about. I was angry, hurt, unable to function. It took months to put my pieces back together again, and by the time I did that, realising it was PTSD (didn't realise the cPTSD part until I started reading here) was nothing really in the scheme of things.

In fact, it helped me to understand everything I was experiencing, everything that I'd been through throughout my whole life. It gave it meaning and understanding. So I appreciated being able to put a 'label' to what it was.

I continue to struggle with limiting my alcohol intake. Mainly because I get agitated when I start feeling. I want the feelings to stop. Of course alcohol doesn't stop it, just makes it worse really.

Is there anything you'd like to know? If you haven't seen it already there is a great thread under the PTSD and trauma forum - Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope? Feel free to join in discussions on the forum if you want.

Kind regards

PamelaR