Psychologist told me being a victim of DV was my fault

[AdriftAnnie]

Hi,

I’ve just left my first session with a new psychologist and i’m feeling so upset by what he said that I needed to post.

After detailing my relationship history with my husband which has been marred by over a decade of verbal, psychological and more recently physical and sexual abuse, I was told that if I don’t leave after he has shown me his true colours then I am just as responsible for the violence that may be inflicted on me.

He also told me that the problem was our “dynamic” was wrong and that if my husband was with someone else then he probably wouldn’t be violent.

i’m absolutely flabbergasted that a mental health professional would have these opinions. They seem so outdated and dangerous to me. I didn’t speak up at the time as it took a while for what he said to sink in. Now i’m back to blaming myself for what has happened to me.

Am I being overly sensitive or was he wrong to say those things?

[Guest_672]

Hi i AdriftAnnie nice to meet you. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!! I cannot stress those words enough! What your psychologist said was just downright wrong and appaling in my opinion. I have been in a similar situation where a psychologist has blamed me for my daily sexual assualt from my father. I have been scarred from seeing a psychologist since. You are right it is extremely dangerous and im so so sorry for you. You are safe here that i can assure you.

[AdriftAnnie]

Thanks for your response. It was just the reassurance I needed.

I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you too. I can’t begin to imagine what that must have been like. I hope you were able to find the support you needed.

Take care

[Paw Prints]

Dear AdriftAnnie,

It is NOT your fault, you are not being oversensitive, he was so wrong in saying such things to you. I hope this distressing experience does not stop you from seeking help. If you feel you can, I would suggest you go back to the Dr who referred you to this Psych & ask for a referral to a new one. Also you may find some of the links at the bottom of this page useful.

Best wishes

Paw Prints

[AdriftAnnie]

Thank you. That’s really helpful advice. Logically I know what he said was so wrong. It’s nice to have that validated though - thanks again!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi AdriftAnnie,

I know that this has been said already - but this is absolutely not your fault. Personally I feel like that can never be said enough.

As a student therapist, and as a person - I am absolutely disgusted and frustrated that your psychologist told you this. It was both incredibly cruel and absolutely false. Violence and abuse is never anybody's fault.

I hope this hasn't put you off seeing another psychologist or counsellor - I promise they are not all terrible. 🙂

If you'd like to, you're welcome to make a complaint and can do so here - https://www.ahpra.gov.au/about-ahpra/complaints.aspx

[Quercus]

Hi AdriftAnnie,

Am glad to see Romantic has given you a link if you choose to make a complaint. That was my gut reaction too.

What a disgusting response to receive from a professional. Worse it is the kind of response that makes victims feel guilt and reluctance to ask for help again.

Im glad you have been reassured by the replies here. If you find what he said keeps bothering you until you get a new psych you could phone Relationships Australia and ask for reassurance.

It is not your fault. This psych is an asshat.

Nat

[Hang10]

Hi AdriftAnnie,

You are one very strong person and a brave person as well. You are not over sensitive and the psych is totally in the wrong and very unprofessional.

Great posts from wonderful members of the beyond blue community, have great faith in you and have offered reassurances and advice to help you deal with this unwanted and unfair setback.

I too agree with everyone to get another referral to see someone else. You find the right care that you need to build your future happiness with someone else’s help.

Take care.

Hang 10.

[TimTams]

Hi, that psychologist was in the wrong. I thought I was alone in this as well to be honest. I had a psychiatrist tell me I had 'no real adult jobs' (I worked since I was 14/15) and that I worked in 'England' (I never worked in England, she mistook pronunciation of a previous area I worked in for an entire different country).

I also had a nurse tell me 'I had no friends' because nobody was coming into the psych ward to visit me: I had escaped domestic violence and moved interstate.

I made complaints to the hospital and would have loved to take them higher up? These people are completely wrong and should be sacked. They work around vulnerable people. I am sorry you experienced something similar. Did you make any complaints?

[Wait_what]

Oh my gosh - those sorts of comments from daft practitioners make my blood boil!! YOU, my dear, are not to blame for this abuse in any way. Not now, not ever.

Not all psychologists are the same. Might I suggest that, as you're a woman, you try a woman psychologist? I too have had male practitioners (and church ministers too) tell me that my sexual abuse (for 10 years) was my fault.

Are you still with your husband? If so, maybe the advice to leave (and only that advice) is reasonable. I know there are a myriad of reasons why you might consider staying, but no-one deserves to be abused, least of all you. Please seek other help. Good therapists are out there. Blessings to you.