Nightmares

[Soberlicious96]

Every year in February I have nightmares. February is, what I call, my 'anniversary month' ...... the month when all of the worst things that have happened to me. Not all in the same year, but all in February.

It's just weird how one part of my brain never fails to go into denial ...... You know, like I tell myself that all that trauma is in the past and I'm really not affected by it at all ..... and then February comes and the nightmares begin again. It happens every year. It's like I fail to recognize or accept that this nightmare effect thing is almost like a permanent side effect that I'll never be rid of.

And my nightmares are always so incredibly vivid and in full colour. Sometimes I'll wake up immediately after it, and if it's dark in reality, and dark in the nightmare, then I don't know whether it's real or not. For a few seconds I can't tell reality from the nightmare and my heart feels like it's going to jump right out my chest.

Anyway, only 24 days to go of February. I'll be okay. And I'm guessing I'm probably not the only one who has nightmares.

My slogan for the month of feb? "This too shall pass." ........ Not that I want to wish the time away. But I feel like having a countdown helps. It's a reminder that I can do this. I CAN get through this month without losing my mind like I did when I was young. Or youngER, anyway!

[Doolhof]

Hi Soberlicious96,

I see you have a few posts, I don't think we have crossed paths before, so I am unsure if you have written elsewhere about the events that are causing the nightmares.

If you don't mind me asking, have you talked to your Dr about the nightmares? Have you seen a psychologist at all? They may be able to help you deal with what you experience.

Would it help to write down how you are feeling a couple of hours before you go to bed?

I recently read that if we fill our mind with positive thoughts, of happy memories and of future plans and visualisation of cheerful events as we go to bed, then those thoughts will continue on in our minds as we sleep. I know it can be hard to come up with all of this when you are going through issues.

I need to remember this myself!

A friend used to keep a torch under her pillow, I guess a mobile phone could be just as good. When she awoke in the dark confused and scared, she would turn her torch on. Tell herself everything was okay and went back to sleep.

Nightmares can be horrible . Hope you find ways to deal with this.

Cheers from Dools

[Soberlicious96]

Hi Dools,

So in repsonse to your question of what causes my nightmares, is a bunch of different trauma's I experienced when I was a kid. I was in the Ash Wednesday bushfires (1983) in which we lost every thing and spent the night trapped in a burning building. I also experienced a bunch of sexual abuse over a number of years, both before and after the fires. I had a fairly serious brain injury at age 10 where I didn't know my own name for a few days and was off school for weeks, and was brutally assaulted at age 17. And that's only some of what happened.

And have I seen my doctor and/or a psychologist you ask? Yes, I most certainly have. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD by the age of 14, so I have spent many many times seeing doctors and counselors and psychiatrists over the years. I am never far from mental health support services. I can't afford to be.

Luckily though, I have GREAT parents (My Mum is no longer with us though) and have always been so supported and well cared for by them. I am really very blessed in that way. My Dad is now quite elderly and I am not exactly a 'spring chicken' myself.

I am great at surviving .......... just not so great at being 'happy joyous and free' at this time of year.

But I'll get through it. I have every other year. And I will again this year. But this year I have this forum to help! Feels good just to be able to express it all. Better out than in, as they say.

Thankyou for your kind words and support.

[Doolhof]

Hi Soberlicious,

Thanks for responding to my post to you. I am so very sorry to read of all the trauma you have experienced, it is no wonder you have nightmares! Just dealing with one of the things you have been through is enough to cause nightmares I think.

It is wonderful to read you have people supporting you. That certainly helps doesn't it. One thing that frustrates me is when people tell me to put a smile on my face or to just not think negative things! Think I would need a lobotomy to stop me thinking negative thoughts.

I certainly find writing my issues down, either here or in a notebook helps me. It seems to take the sting off of things.

If you don't mind me asking, I am curious, do the nightmares only occur in February or do you have them randomly during the year as well?

A friend of mine is trying Art Therapy. I have joined a Writing for Wellness group that helps me to further express how I am feeling. I incorporate art with the journal I am creating. I try to fill it with a lot of positive statements I can look back on.

There are some "dark" pages in my journal as well.

A psychologist told me once that it is impossible to be happy all of the time. That when I feel lousy I need to accept it and not fight it, as the more I fight it the worse it becomes. In a way I feed the negativity. He suggested I try to push through and do something that is meaningful or helpful even if I don't feel any pleasure from it right away.

I'm sure over the years you have been told many things as well. I do so hope you cope okay.

Cheers to you from Dools