Need advice regarding trauma. thank you

[l-jc]

Hi guys, this will be long. but I just need someone to listen and if you have advice, i’ll be so grateful.

so basically i’ve never gotten help for my trauma. I suffer from severe anxiety, ptsd and depression. last year I went off my meds because I thought i was getting better. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 and a half years. this relationship caused my ptsd (it was a physically abusive relationship ) in 2018 I met my second partner and so far everything is great and healthy, but 3 months in I started to feel panicky and depressed and paranoid. I worry he will hurt me and leave. I am constantly anxious. I’m not sure why I am feeling like this again. my bad dreams are back again too. why is this happening? a part of me feels like it’s because I have so much undealt with trauma. it started in childhood. I was molested a few times by different people. there is one event in particular that was really bad but i can’t remember all of it. it’s like something is missing. then when I was 12 I had anorexia, which I never had therapy for. the logical side of me is thinking it has to be all of this unresolved trauma? and i feel so angry all of the time. I barely have any friends. my boyfriend is supportive, but I need friends too. but i’m also scared to make new friends incase they hurt me as well. i’ve lost many friends over the years. I feel disconnected and scared. I want to get help but I am terrified to face what i’ve been through. I’m really really terrified. I don’t know what to do. to make things worse, my family lives far away. I miss them so much but I don’t want to move back where they are because i’d be away from my partner.

I feel very weird all of the time. i’m not sure how to explain it but it’s like brain fog? I feel exhausted constantly, and on guard. something doesn’t feel right.

Please help. any tips would be appreciated. thanks for listening 🌸

[Avacado]

The kettle is on mate, a mug of milo is on its way. The way you feel I would say is normal, did the meds help at all? I've tried em for a while and never had any luck. We share a similar back ground, at the moment I'm scratching at the walls to stop myself from falling into a giant, dark crack. But never the less I am glad you still engage in human interaction, the world may seem to be spinning and all the negative energy feels like it is on your shoulders? We all share that one from time to time. Have you talked with your boyfriend about what you are going through? Sharing will lighten the load, but only if you are comfortable. Don't worry about friends too much, you need to be focused on yourself at the moment I think, I moved to the outback to be away from people and reduce the risk of having to develop and maintain friendships. Humans aren't my favourite species at the best of times, but we are a social herd animal. Unresolved trauma is a very deceptive beast, you think your ontop of it, but it's hard, I too have the same unresolved issue, it's like I can't let it go. The brain fog is common for me, no amount of caffine helps ha ha ha milo is pretty good. But in all honesty the anxiety side is hard to control for me, hyper arousal kicks in and I'm gone for days. I have been seeking help but where I live the closest doctors is 370ish kilometres away. I don't drink or anything. For me isolation is best, but it's not for everyone. The brain fog and constant on guard is your survival mode kicking in. Hopefully a mug a milo and chat with your partner might help, not everyone is a monster mate, I'm not a doctor by any means, just a crowbar swinging opal miner. All the best in your endeavours mate, there is many a good people here with alot more knowledge than I.

[geoff]

Hi L-jc, and welcome to the forums.

Some people who take antidepressants (AD) in particular, start to feel the benefits from them, so they begin to feel much better, that's when they decider they don't need to take the AD any more, the reason they are better is because of the medication.

What you have suffered from is still leaving the trauma with you, and medication alone won't necessarily make you better by itself, counselling should also be included because there is so much you are trying to get over.

Anxious and depressed people always tend to lose friends, simply because they don't know what to say and even when they make a suggestion you are unable to do it or even try to do it because you aren't feeling well.

Can I suggest you go back to your doctor and talk to them about your situation and ask them about the mental health plan, which will entitle you to 10 Medicare paid appointments per year.

Best wishes.

Geoff,