new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_498]

Youre a dedicated, loving, awesome mum .. Why wouldn't your boys turn out respectful? Theyre like their mum. Oh Ems, you strike a good balance with your kids, thats important.
My hair now has kinks in it!! The style is VERY sexy! He knew what he was doing .. The curls are not too high up. Says curls won't last. I said I know. But Ill have to keep going there to get them redone.
Thanks for embarassing me with "miss double degree". Blush, blush. But honestly, Ill be NO fun when I start studying.
Flatties cooking tonight. Hes making carbonara pasta and he got some red wine.
Itll be yummy.
Meet you on my thread.
Xx

[monkey_magic]

Sexy curls, carbonara, man, and red wine....mmm...sounds mighty fine.

[ecomama]

Lol monkey, me thinks the Blubes is sassing things UP!

We may NOT hear from her for ummm quite a while. lol.

How you doing monkey our girl?

Thanks for saying that Blubes, you're very sweet.
I had a really nice talk with fiancee tonight and we laughed a LOT.
That's quite a thang since he's fave for the election over there seems to be going down the gurgler lol.

I'm pretty tired, aiming to stress less and relax! with a capital R.
I just had my warm bath and it was wonderful.

I had Schitts Creek for company lol.

EMxxxx

[monkey_magic]

Hey Eco,

Yes, definitely Relaaaaax!!

You deserve to.

I'm doing really well. Could be embarking on a major change. I'm looking at a place to live tomorrow which is only 11 km to my work and in a nice area.

I'm thinking of all the things I can do in this new area and I'm really liking it. Also looking at some things to buy. Yep, I'm jumping the gun, should get it though.

[Guest_1643]

Hi EM monkey and blubs and Blues Clues and all welcome...

Glad you got some rest time EM

oh my i would love a chicken lol -

in my little apartment though i hope it wouldn't get too bored !! I'm sure i'd love an animal though lol. she sounds so happy with u guys getting cosy and cared for. Good one helping her recover!!

was son around today or he'll be coming tomorrow? maybe even if he comes for the furniture deep down it's more about seeing u guys...What furniture is he still needing??

I love what you said about silver.... I thought also maybe gold? a bit of bling? I feel like i'm finally becomig a bit more adult and not scared of bling and fancyness - a lot of my stuff is very rustic and vintage but i think it'd be nice to have more glam... which you and blubs have reaally inspired me with!! I love the idea of a coral start. I'm trying to find a coral throw although the usual outlets don't have but I'm feeling really excited about the idea.

Pretty funny I gave away these old vintage chairsA (they weren't anything special) and now one has showed up again in my apartment entry way - alongside all these plants. The neigbour loves upcycling so i wander what other stuff she's been collecting from what i put on the nature strip.. it's funny to give things away and they boomerang back to me lol.

Are you feeling good after your nap? How's Alexa going?

[ecomama]

Dear monkey.... sometimes we just need to take a running JUMP into the abyss!

Lol... then we make SURE it works out.

It's a GREAT idea! I'm SO excited for you!

Sounds perfect, so close to work and lots of things you can do there too.
Wow.

Love EM

[Guest_1643]

hi monkey i'm a bit worried about how ur mum was speaking about ur weight and want to make sure you are protected. that stuff not okay. Let us know how you go... moving or not but definitely you don't need that and i don't think it helps anyone to be weight shamed. like i'm upset. x

[ecomama]

HI Sleepy21, lol to things boomeranging back. It's so nice people liked those things!

I saved some really nice ideas from Pinterest that you just reminded me of.

There was this canvas, in landscape position, with a long 'waterfall' like spray going across it of ONLY gold and silver sparkles going down.

I saved THAT one for my bedroom but I decided to frame an Art work of Alexa's she painted for me, for above my bed. It's in black and white. I love it. (Won't be framing it till some time next year).

YES! Go with anything that "sparks JOY" within you and your whole place will reflect that back to you.

I like TOO MANY things and like too many styles and too many designs... for now I just want comfort. It's a pretty labour intensive time of my life (never been much different tbh)...

I've thought it'd be a good investment of my time this year if I learnt - for the first time - how to relax. I mean monkey said it's a good idea lol.

I doubt I'll have much time to, but I really need to learn how before going back FT next year.
I need to.

Doing the self-care thread has really helped me.

If Aunt Sleepy could just mind my darling chicken lol!!
She's pretty intensive but very gorgeous.
I think all pets are.

Darling Alexa. You know it's hard for her. Her health is effed up for so many reasons, it's not fair.
BUT her income is flying high.
If she can JUST get Settlement done and over with, with Shep, then she's freer - financially.
Even if she gets no payout, it's worth getting it shut down.

Then he can't reach her $$.
Unless it's through Child Support which I wouldn't put past him.

Her business providing Care to NDIS recipients is so big that she wanted me to go into business with her. I can't ofcourse.

Soon, she's going on a trip with 3 ppl all expenses paid. She's their carer. $500 per day. All meals covered.
I have to mind her dog lol.

She turned up this week with ALL new clothes, shoes and sunglasses lol! It's been nearly 10y since she's had new anything much. Shep controlled every - thing.

She's booked in to a new GP and is even going to ask for a MHCP! About time. She really needs support. It's not enough for her mama to tell her how well she's going lol. She has 12 more years minimum of dealing with a sociopath and their shared care of the children.

Difficult.

Son is coming home tomorrow just for a few hours. He said it's just to see us, could be that too. IDK. Anyway it's clear gf is not speaking to me lol. Oops.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Before my update, I echo Sleepy's sentiments, monkey.
It's plain wrong that others make comment about anyone's appearance IMHO, I also think it says way more about THEM than you or I.

Update:
Son came home earlier than expected today. He woke up at 6am to get here after doing 3 late night "closes" 3 nights in a row.
He wanted to surprise us.
He came and gave me the longest hug which was beautiful.

Not sure if he came to get stuff - didn't seem like it. He took the dog for a walk and was smiling the whole time.

He seems really happy which is nice!
I think Yvette became a little depressed about that and had a nap while son was here.
I felt pretty sleepy too but stayed on board.

Everyone else was at work today so it was just Y and I he saw.

Alexa - she phoned full of excitement and pretty anxious also.
She did what I told her to do and attended a party of her old school friends last night.
She was SO indecisive about it that I called the anxiety out and told her to go lol.
No one can persuade her if she doesn't want to do something so I see it as just a little nudge.

She got a lift back to hers by a guy she's met many times.
He understated EVERYTHING about himself, his work... everything. Their friends called him out and he actually works for Disney AND developed the latest logo for a HUGE brand I can't write bec it could be Google searched easily.
Anyway he drove her home in a brand new AUDI.

Today he sent her a text asking her out on a date lol.
When she called me I said to her "I hope you didn't say, hold on, I have to ask my mother if I should go out with you!!" She said pretty much I did.

Oh dear.

It's only coffee but she said yes.
Then she spent 2h telling me all her anxieties over whether the next person she dates will want children, whether this whether that... 100y into the future.

We spoke about healthy relationships and what they look like for so long.

So it looks like she's going on a date... really for the first time on this type of scene.
She won't do dating sites. She's not even sure if she WANTS to date at all.

Anyway it's only coffee I kept telling her. He works from home and it can be SO lonely!

My fiancee - we had a D & M about things and I cried about my health worries. He was caring and kind.
He's happy to start designing my cabin asap.
He wants to give me something to positive to look forward to.

It's very sweet.

Hope you're all doing well today!

I'm having a nap lol.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Hello lovely ladies,

Im still here .. lol. Ems, you won't get rid of me that easily. I'm not passing things up, I'm just being me. It was my flatmates idea to cook last night and crack open the wine. Not me. I'm just enjoying his company. Hes a good flatmate. We've hugged each other since the beginning, its just what we do. I'm a big girl, yes and I can look after myself. The thing about me is that I tend not to get emotionally attached to men. Ive always been this way. Its just the way it is with me. I've broken some hearts in my life-time and a lot of men do NOT like it very much. But it is what it is. I don't know why I'm like this. I've always been like this. Probably the reason why I'm not married. 🙂

Great news .. Trump lost the election. Yay!!! You have no idea how happy I am!

Brb

xx