new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Jstar49]

Oh Em!

💜💙💚💛🧡

You are a lioness! I love it! And I hate demon, whoever he is. He will die an awful death I am sure. And then burn for a thousand years in the pits of hell. (Sometimes believing in an afterlife is handy..)

How dare he make you and your children so afraid!

Big hugs strong mama,

J*

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla,

I understand about the insomnia. It's really hard to feel normal when you're not able to sleep.

Em had some really good suggestions. I know it must be hard to think atm but if you can try maybe one thing, pick something that sounds appealing (or the one that sounds the least awful!) and try it for a few days. There's lots of good ideas in the self care thread too.

At the least it will give you something else to think about!

And then you can tell us about it too 🙂

Cheers,

J*

[Jstar49]

Blues,

I found an interesting looking rub? I think, chermoula, it's moroccan, and simple ingredients. Well except for the saffron.... how much do you love your brother???

I think it's a great thing you did with the vouchers. They'd better bleeding appreciate them! The gift of time in this busy world is a true gift.

I also needed to get my hair cut for Christmas, but bought my pendant instead.... so I had to wear my hair up! Good thing it was hot..

J*

[Guest_4643]

Hi Jstar, thank you. I'll do a search for some self care posts on here and on Google.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Have you looked up cash for cars? It's a bit different than metal recycling, wreckers often make good money from those cars and are willing to cough up a few hundred. Conversely, as long as you can get them in neutral, they can be towed without much special equipment. Ugh, rego and insurance as well. That's a lot of work, you must be worn out just thinking about it.

What made prodigal son move away to begin with? Seems he needs a lot of support, still.

Thanks. Oh dear, storms aren't conducive to gardening. Bringing dinner instead, no problem. (*shakes head at the whole business of helicopters*) I haven't always had a home or hot running water, I have no concept of that. Yeah, life is weird.

Stock with the couscous makes sense. Might leave out the raisins, they belong in sweet dishes, in my opinion. I saw your recipe in the other thread, sounds tasty. Won't make that for my bro, he's way more sensitive to lactose than I am. That cake sounds delicious, I'll have to look that up.

Blue.

Tayla, insomnia sucks. There are a few things I've tried through the worst of it. Meditating can work if you're not excessively wired. Sleep hygiene, like putting away electronic devices or distractions when you go to bed. On the flip side reading has helped me a lot, or having soothing music or nature sounds on at night for a better focus than the inside of my head. They're contradictory ideas, but different things work on different days, I've found. The best thing for regulating my sleep was using light. Turning lights down an hour or so before bed, just lamps or candles, and having a bright lamp on a timer to come on when my alarm was due to go off. There is some value to aiding the body's responses to light and dark.

J*, sounds pretty interesting. Haven't worked much with saffron. A bit dear, but I'd give it a go (big love for Bro, haha). Thanks, it was EM's idea and I thought a good one. My siblings are pretty appreciative when I do stuff for them, I'm sure they'll see the true value when it comes time to cash in. Pendant is good, and there are plenty of nice ways to wear your hair up. 🙂

[Guest_4643]

Hi Blues, thank you for the suggestions

[ecomama]

Hey Tay

I found studying mammals, insects and anthropology was great for working out what's really "normal" and what's not in regards to sleep.

Alexa & I had a convo about it tonight again actually lol...

My strongest advice is for you to take the pressure off yourself.
Have a holiday from it all and just nap when you need to until everyone's back on board IRL to guide you.

Worrying about this also will just be raising your anxiety.

Have a sleep routine:
* I agree with the lights down low for 1-2 hours before you intend to go to bed.
* Leaving ALL technology downstairs or in another room entirely until 7am.
* Having a warm relaxing bath with lavender.
* slipping into comfy PJs.
* reading in bed with a bedside lamp only.

BUT if I work physically really hard during the day, then I'm more tired or exhausted lol and ready to rest at night (we're mammals after all!). We aren't supposed to be sedentary at all!

We're supposed to move move move then sleep.

I used to have "issues with sleeping" that some could call insomnia, now I just rest when I need to without the labels or stress that comes with labelling it.

Since I was born I haven't needed much sleep. Nothing's changed!

It's ALL GOOD!
Love EM

[ecomama]

Hey J* actually I AM a Lioness! Born in August and all lol.

Thankyou!

And ofcourse demon et all will burn like wildfire.
I had to report all sorts to the Royal Commission so yeah Judgement Day is within my belief system.
Pity it's not in theirs! LOL!

Praying all day and all night became the norm for me most especially.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE The Full Armour of God Prayer - THAT'S AWESOME!
I would sit in the Safe Rooms in Court Houses Praying silently the whole time. After being shunted up with Armed Guards in secret elevators and guarding the Safe Rooms.
demon et all even tried to push past these HUGE guards one day and woah, THAT was scary!
They stayed with me and my support person flanked on each side of us. Stood right near me in the Court Rooms... I kept Praying.

Miracles happened SO MANY TIMES... just when I didn't know who to turn to or what to do, I Prayed for the right person to come into my path and the right advice to come to me. Then the next day it ALWAYS did. Miracles after miracles.

I'm so blessed and grateful.

Now my Prayers are for protection ofcourse but mostly Prayers of gratitude.
I have so much to be grateful for!

We don't really live in fear compared to what it used to be like for us.
We have a baseline very different to others perhaps lol.

We merely protect ourselves well. And get on with our lives!

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS Hey dear J*?

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hey Blue

I will most definitely look up Cash for Cars before we embark on our first of three car disposal adventures tomorrow. Only doing ONE car tomorrow. Then one next week. Alexa is still cogitating upon her options.

Oh yeah Alexa REALLY appreciated me bringing over dinner and helping her totally rearrange her loungeroom, tidy up and clean. IT LOOKS AWESOME! So minimal lol!
Next Monday is our gardening day together at hers.

Oh my darling p.son, my baby boy! He left to go back today. I missed him before he even left! I had a cry in the car afterwards. His gfs family got into his head that it would be a good idea for her AND HIM to move down the South Coast to live at her mum's house with a million siblings - ok only 9 I think...
That was 3 months ago. Sleepy and Blubes supported me alot throughout all that heartbreaking, gutwrenching time.
He's only in Year 11! But 18yo. So I really had "no say".... I went down the list of ALL the reasons why it was a bad idea and what I saw would happen!
Sadly so many of these things HAVE happened. He's being worn down, has lost weight, is getting into huge debt, seldom gets shifts down there now bec he wants to come home on weekends often etc. Now the unregistered car fiasco. A mess.

He gave GF a promise of staying down there for 1 year only but it looked like for good recently, now IDK. So there it is. IDK. We ALL miss him. His multiple birth siblings are the LEAST forgiving knowing how it broke my heart and called it a stupid decision. Yvette took it so hard.

Life throws these curved balls some times. He was the 2nd last child I thought would ever leave home in this 2nd lot of children, Yvette being the last. He was the first to leave.

P.son leaving was the reason we're changing 3 bedrooms around upstairs. THIS shocked him lol!

I will now have the biggest room, Yvette will have mine and he will have Yvette's.
Yvette gets "the kid's TV" too lol! He was NOT happy but there it is.

I hope you find some nice recipes for your much loved bro! I'm sure you will.

I need to hit the sack - what a day! lol.

Talk soon,
Love EM

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, how are you all today?