new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[monkey_magic]

Morning Em,

Oh I rem going into work after having 3 wisdom teeth pulled out and it was so hard and sore talking on the pH with a swollen mouth and the taste of blood. I too wasn't told to have time off. Gosh doctors miss saying a lot of important things!
Hope the mouth is getting better.

Congrats on Alexa getting into uni, whoohoo...that's awesome. She sounds strong minded knowing what she wants when it came to the relationship.

Yup, everything happens at once, broken cars and phones 😒

I think everyone is busy this time of year and I'm sure some of your friends will get back to your voicemail.

Going back to work f/ t will obviously benefit you financially which will take some pressure off. You really are a super mum. When the going gets tough you go, go, go...you stay busy and improve things!

I only really have myself to look after and don't even work full time, lol...

I'm about to make an apple, celery, carrot, ginger juice. I'm totally into juicing ATM.

Take care Em x

[Guest_1643]

HI EM

i also find this time of year stressful

hoping ur month holiday is good, can be nice to change things up a bit

how is alexa coping with the breakup. Sometimes for whatever reason a couple can't quite make it work... sometims it's baffling on the outside when they seem perfect together. glad she's so strong in her own choices and a smart cookie overall

Hope u had a good day and are getting into holiday mode

[Guest_498]

Hey all,

Missed you guys, all of you!!!! Ems, so sorry to hear about Alexa & bf - being emotionally unavailable in a relationship isn't a good thing unless it's only a casual one. He's prolly not ready to commit. I'm super happy that she got into uni though - woohoo!! good on her. Little miss intelligent. xx You said "PS: I think Blubes would be proud of me.... I've finally cleared out the entire corner of my loungeroom and am cleaning it REALLY well atm" - of course, I'm proud of you, sweetheart.

Sleepy, to answer your question (back on my thread re: mum) .. No, I haven't heard from her, just the way I want it. Sorry to hear about your mum too. They're both controlling, nosey, NEVER LISTEN (the worst bit), and both caused us harm. I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. xx

Monkey, I love freshly squeezed juice. So healthy. xx

Love always, Blubes

[ecomama]

Hey hey monkey!

Omg I LOVE ginger in just about ANYTHING!!!
It just has that zing of HEALTH that nothing else can give you lol... please add a sprinkle of turmeric to stuff you juice, esp when it has orange stuff... it's SO GOOD for you!
I add turmeric to almost everything I cook lol.

THEN WATCH YOU HEAL.

Oh yeah, my mouth... I had bone grafts + 2 extractions of large teeth at the back and SO MANY stitches, awful. They put an almost concrete thingy in each and one fell out this morning... when I felt for the other it's GONESKIS!! lol... I have no idea where it went but I imagine I flushed it at some point... yeah TMI.

I bought some mouth spray from the health food store and overnight the swelling reduced about 90% yeah seriously.
Then my chiro told me to buy some Vitamin _ oil and massage behind my ears to down to my sternum and pat it repeatedly to aide healing.

I love having alternative peeps around lol.

Thanks for saying that as about me as a mum. It's so sweet of you. Guess what I did tonight... I got a late text that Yvette's new phone came in, so I dropped her to work without telling her, drove the 30 mins over, said "there's ALWAYS a park for the EM family" and there it was! Right in front of the place I needed to go. With Pitt St traffic everywhere.
Noice.
Got the phone, more health stuff, Vietnamese food lol and surprised Yvette at work with her new phone! She came out and gave me a huge hug then I could hear her screaming out loud as she opened it!

Lol. Awww so sweet. Totally made my day! I'm so happy she's happy.

You're funny saying that about my work.... the great thing about my work is that I LOVE IT SO MUCH! Not so much my work colleagues but the clients. Absolutely adore them so much.

So when you love your work they say you never work a day in your life!
I do ofcourse but I love it still.

They also say that "the best revenge is living your best life!"
Although my evil side is feeling EVER so smug that I've had 2 pay rises since divorcing demon - remember he applied to the Courts to have me pay it palimony for the rest of it's life.... 🤨🤔 and the female Judge laughed at him, said a few choice things and threw the application out 😂🤣...
So two pay rises lol and on the very LAST Child Support Assessment paperwork it will finally see exactly what I'm earning.

Serendipitously or magically as monkeys may say.... my house value has doubled since the Court Valuation.
UN BE LIEVABLE.

SO GOODBYE sucker!

Rock on bbg.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hey Sleepy darling

Oh yeah this time of year is chock full of memories for me and I'm just trying to "change it up" as you said. NOT do this but yeah do THAT instead.

I had so much of my life on pause for so freaking long!!! Always NOT doing something esp for myself for so many reasons.

BLIP that lol.

I'm sick of letting it all hold me back.

Yeah maybe a friend will phone me back lol... maybe not lol. Funny thing though was that I ALMOST called one friend and decided not to.
THEN today at the Shopping Mall she was WAY Over there and I was waving to her... she couldn't recognise me. Then she did and kept walking.
I thought, glad I didn't call her lol.

Then next minute there she was right beside me!
She sat down and we caught up for 20 mins.
Man she looked EXHAUSTED. She is the sweetest thing. An RN and a Counsellor now for women with substance abuse problems.
But I knew her son had had problems this year (my kids told me - I think he was expelled actually which was quite a shock) but she didn't say anything about that, just that he'd changed schools lol.
Ok!

He was the cutest munchkin, I swear. Sometimes "things" just go awry for people. Sadly. Little darling.
She's one of my very few friends my age STILL working FT, most have retired. I think it's taking a toll on her.

Anyway she helped alot with Yvette at the onset so I updated her there.

She was happy we're doing so much better.
Gosh friends for 45+ years. Crazy.

How's your self-care doing Sleepy sweetheart?
OMG I read some of those AMAZING recipes on Delectable's thread last night!!!!!!!!

You girls ROCK with your recipes!!

I just put a fresh Rice Paper Roll recipe with Alexa's invented sauce on the Easy Peasy Recipe thread last night.
Darling Alexa, she's taken the break up harder than she thought she would. She reaffirmed that there wasn't much point, since he "blew hot and cold" and that told her it wasn't right.
So she's sad.

I'm hitting the swimming pools with her and the grandkids tomorrow lol... wonder how I rock my cozzies nowadays? LOL! I'll have to find a pair that FIT!

Then prodigal son and GF are surprising Yvette by landing here! FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND which my BF said was prob bec they're not coming up for Christmas. But we're happy regardless.

Then Yvette's dancing concert with them all. The other boys are working but some are coming for pizza first lol then working. Ditching the concert lol.

Gosh it's stinking hot here ugh....

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hey Blubes!

So happy you're back lol!!!

Yeah, pity about Alexa et al... she's not done enough healing she said. Angelo was pretty distraught over it actually, so it was more the other way round. She said she wants "time" to heal physically, emotionally, psychologically. It's his personality type that he's detached in deep and meaningful ways.

She wants a person who she can talk to about the meaning of life and all sorts.

Plus get a new car lol. Just put her life more together. It was up to her so ofcourse I supported her decision. Darling girl lol.

Hmmm about your mum not responding.
Who knows what goes through some people's heads - truly.

Same with me though. I realised I was far too harsh on prodigal son before he left. I can't tell Yvette this but it looks like he's decided to apply for a Uni down there when he finishes HS... that came as a blow to me but I sucked it in and told him I was proud of him and was here for him (then cried my eyes out after the call).
He's gone.
It was far too quick. We miss him immensely.

But I shall be very cheerful when I see them tomorrow. I can't wait. I'm so excited.
Every moment is SO precious!

Thankyou for being proud of me lol!!! You absolutely would be too lol... it's the perfect spot for the new Christmas Tree and it looks really sweet. Silver wrapped presents under the tree and a few turquoise too lol.

I've been thinning out my wardrobe too, so Blue's will be so minimalistically proud also lol.
Lord knows how many shoes I gave to Op shops and threw out. But I have 45 pairs left lol eeeek. And yep I wear them ALL.

I have to wear from Business Suits to gardening boots to more informal clothing to beach wear, FOR WORK. So the bosses said to us we have to WEAR good stuff. Then there's my hang around at home stuff.

But I'm still chucking out stuff or for the give away pile.

Next is my 7 drawer Bedroom dresser lol. Doubt that will get totally done before getting the furniture OUT to move rooms but I'm making a start.

30 mins per day on the clock and if I feel like doing more then I do.

Lovely to have you back sweetie thing. We missed you too enormously.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

The tree sounds BEAUTIFUL Ems!! Silver & turquoise - very pretty colour scheme. This year Ive decided not to get a tree, only a reef on the front door, thats it!! Flatmate told me hes not spending Christmas with his family this year. I tried to convince him to go but hes firm on that. :-)
What car will Alexa buy? Im jealous (when I say this, I mean that Im happy for her not a bad jealousy ok? Im not like that), I want a new car too.
Great work on decluttering babe! And you still have 45 pairs, wow.
P.son is going to uni .. You have to be proud of him albeit the location. Youve raised good children, Ems. And, yer try not to be too hard on him. Youre doing great with him & gf. Enjoy your time with them tmr... Each moment is precious - they grow up too fast.

[Guest_498]

*lol I meant wreath not reef!! Hehe

[monkey_magic]

Ok, a sprinkle of tumeric it is! Just asked mum and found out we have heaps of it at home.

Suck rotten eggs to demon. So glad he didn't get your money and the judge laughed at him and threw out the application. The hide of some ppl. And a huge congrats on two pay rises and a doubling of your house value. That's excellent news.

It's been stinking hot here as well. I was sweating a lot y'day but now it's raining and much cooler.

The pools, have fun. I really want to get out and have more days of laps since it's the best exercise for my injured back, and painful feet. Getting there is the problem, but I'm always thinking on it. The pools aren't far for me. I really have to do better.

Yvette sounded very excited about the new phone. Good for her.

I don't love my work as much as you but im thankful it's there. I'm open to a job change but it might be really hard to find something. I'll keep my eyes open. Been at my work 2 yrs 9 mnths. Being a casual means I can't get loans, or it's much harder. In reality I might have to find something full time but again it's hard. And I don't know if I can handle full time. Again, I probably need to woman up, pull my finger out, ya know....not urgent though.

I think my dad is dead to me....oh well.

🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM and all,

This thread has been crazy busy since I last posted, I'm afraid it's beyond me to keep up. Still, here to say I'm thinking of you and you bet I'm proud of the minimising efforts, haha. I'm glad you have so many people here to support you, knowing you're in good hands while I've been too overwhelmed with life to stop in. Your Christmas tree sounds great (I agree, great colour scheme) - making the season yours and enjoying it as it exists in your life right now is important, I think.

Blue.

Blue.