new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Super glad to hear your tests came back all clear. Woo-hoo!

My lovely man is doing as okay as one can be in his situation, but he'll be in there a while. Treating someone on immune suppressants is tricky, they have to keep a close eye on him.

I'm glad you do, I love talking about them. 🙂 Normally they don't stay still for two seconds for a photo. Today I was trying to take a pic of my new haircut for my friend, both birds were very keen to be in the photo. Cheeky indeed.

Haha, adopted turkey, huh? Is she moving in when Alexa takes her chickens? 😛

Hope you can sort out your dental troubles soon. Interesting concept, this "dental spa".

For what you've been through - as many therapists as necessary. You had to say "cheeses" - now I want cheese.

Sorry to hear communication with your partner has been a bit unproductive so far. I hope he answers your questions and gets a handle on where you're coming from.

Sounds like you need to take a little time out for you. Get some rest and look after yourself.

Blue.

PS Sleepy - thanks, I appreciate it. Also, I second what EM said, "Please know you are free to buy and have whatever makes you sparkle.". You don't have to make do, you can and deserve to have what you need and what you enjoy in your environment.

[Guest_498]

Congratulations on your recovery process with the meds, GP youre comfortable with and counselor. Keep at it, Tay Tay. Youre strong youve got this.
Blubes xx

[Guest_4643]

Thank you Bluberry, the meds seem to be making my nightmares worse, I told my Psychiatrist this.

Feel free to pop in on my thread if you wish, no pressure to though

[Guest_498]

Meds will do that Tay Tay. I was on antidepressants for many years. Off them now, feel better for it too. Your night terrors won't go away until you start feeling better. Mine have dissipated but they come back in waves. I expect that

[Guest_4643]

Sorry to hear that. I tell my Psychiatrist & GP about my nightmares but they just say "take this", I haven't taken what they want me to yet but yeah

[Guest_498]

I sense your desperation and pain Tay, Tay. Wish I was there in real life to help you through the tough times. Its hard, I know. Come the xmas, new years season, Ill be pretty bad myself. Not that far away now. Hang in there, girl.

[Guest_4643]

I'm sorry. I understand because whilst I like Christmas and stuff to do with it, it's been very hard for me my whole life I guess. It's always been my Parents & I. Well sometimes my Grandparents visited too, but I don't remember unfortunately as I have bad memory especially with most of when I was a kid (some things I remember). And sadly they passed away years ago. So it's just the 3 of us, Mum, Dad & I. While everyone just puts photos up that we know, bragging about it, and we don't even get invited. But when we used to live in our old town, one of our family friends used to have us over for Boxing Day most years & we had a BBQ or a Roast, so its the thought that counts. But now we live 3 hours away & no one bothers. I kind of want to move interstate (I'm in VIC) but idk anymore.

[Guest_498]

Hey bbg,
At least you have your loving family. Love them, cherish them. I don't have family or friends. Im pretty lonely & sad.
Where would you like to live? Im in VIC aswell.

[Guest_4643]

That's true, I'm sorry it's lonely for you. I don't know, maybe NSW. I have no idea anymore

[Guest_1643]

hey all

tayla having caring parents is a beautiful thing, good for u. It is very hard without friends and I also don't have anyone that I can trust. It's a hard cycle of feeling wary of people and then feeling very lonely. Know how you feel