Dear EM (with a wave to Blubes)~
Thank you for explaining about your uncle, I'd feel much the same way.
I guess one thing I've noticed in your trying to make the world right for all you know and love that very often it is at personal sacrifice.
They are all lucky to have you, however the burdens that places -well that's got to be finite on you.
Getting a flashback in a shop, breathing reminding of birth, crying and feeling the need for guidance, you push yourself to the limit. I'm glad about your top storey being stabilized, sounds just in time. Hopefully you can get the handyman to be a very moderating influence on your uncle before you run out of house for the sake of love.
I can picture you visiting your son in ins new environment, all I can say is that if it was me I'd give that a miss for a couple of reasons. Memories are important and if you see your son in your minds eye at your home with you that may cause grief, but the image itself might be comfort.
A fresh set of images at hte other family's place together no doubt with fresh issues might not be the same.
No doubt you will go anyway out of concern:)
Um, if I have not misunderstood the situation this is a young boyfriend/girlfriend thing, and may lead nowhere. I was older and even before being severed (or perhaps becuse of it) from parents found I could not keep two people happy, and had to choose. I hope your son does not have to undergo that. I'm sure your would always welcome and love him no matter what, however the family he goes to may not be as flexible.
OK breathing triggers, understandable. There are other ways on concentrating on things to relieve the mind, I've use a 3-d image of a forrest to achieve the same thing.
Frankly your last line, which you have mentioned before, is the thing that concerns me most. You are consistently driving when in a state and your vision obscured by tears. I'm not sure what to say except maybe take more time, you are needed here as well as with your own brood.
Croix
