my son

[grieving_mum]

my son Dan died on the 21st August 2016 it was suicide he was 21 and I am numb. He was my youngest child and my baby. I am taking a time out to gather my thoughts and regroup. I have 3 three other adult children and I know they need me but my life is at an impasse. What do i do next? where do I go from here?

[MarkJT]

I think that is great that you are currently seeing the Doctor. Put it this way, nothing gained is nothing lost if you do not get any advancement out it, at least you know that you have ticked that box. I would hate for you to get five years down the track and have you thinking, "I should have gone to the Doc in 2017".

You need to do what you need to. If that is putting the pics up and talking to Dan, if that is what is good for you, then continue it. People grieve in so many different ways and it is up to the individual as to what suits them best.

I would think that you are in the vast majority of people who talk to loved ones that have left us.

Perhaps learning some mindfulness would be good for you. It helps you live in the moment and helps to calm when things are spiraling out of control, like anxiety does. When you are having those moments where you really want to connect with the memories, mindfulness will help you live in the moment and hopefully that will help you relive those moments and retain them.

There is an app called, "Smiling Mind" which is guided mindfulness, I well recommend it.

Take care.

Mark.

[geoff]

Morning grieving mum, I can not imagine the pain you are going through, it must be horrendous, and all the questions you keep asking yourself, there are no answers, and even though you may have support, it's an enormous hole that you have to cope with, and boy, that isn't easy, but for people you love just to be with you, that feeling of loving and being loved is something you desperately need.
As much as you wanted to help Dan, he may have not confided with anybody, that's a pain you are suffering from, because all you wanted to do was hold him and tell him how much you loved him, but I don't believe that your husband is anywhere near you, because he doesn't want to see any photos of Dan just yet.
Your memory and love for Dan will never go away, the times when you both laughed at something, the times when he might have helped you, all of these will live with you forever.
My heart and thoughts go out to you in every possible way. Geoff. x

[grieving_mum]

Thank you Mark, I like the idea of a smiling mind will try and will let you know how it goes!

[grieving_mum]

Good morning,

Thank you for your post! For some reason yesterday was a hard day, no particular reason why it just happens.Today I feel a little better, the sun is shining and my beautiful dog Dixie and I went for an early morning walk and watched the sun rise. I think it helped to talk to someone yesterday you know release the pressure valve! I know I have a long way to go and constantly fighting the blues can be exhausting but life goes on even if I don't want it to. My Dan was a kind caring and gentle soul and of all my children he was the one I connected with the most! That makes it even harder. I can't and won't let my family down so the struggle goes on!

[geoff]

dear grieving mum, I understand that everyday is different, one day where you may seem to pick yourself up, but maybe the next day you find it all too much, can I just mention that these days when you're not feeling well is when you don't want to pretend that you are OK, because if you do then it will make you feel exhausted and susceptible to whatever else may go on around you.
You need to look after yourself, your health is of prime concern, so please take care. Geoff.

[Achelois]

Hello Grieving Mum,

I can imagine your pain. Bad days will come now and then, but I am so glad you have good ones too. Hopefully your journey in dealing with this terrible grief will help your husband and your other children.

One thing I found helped me might be useful for you (in addition to the professional help and love of your close ones). I found it helped to think about my son as I remembered him, and fiercely hold that little boy. I remind myself that no one can take away that little boy from my heart, so he continues in my love for him. I choose (most days) to focus on this and not on the pain of the loss (not quite 2 years now). Like you, I was lucky to have him for the time he was with me, and to have known the joy of his beautiful heart and soul.

I sorrow for your loss, but I am joyful in your love for your beautiful son.

We are here for you.

[3T]

Hi grieving mum

im sorry for your heartache, I too am a grieving mum

I know nothing can ease your pain but please know your not alone walking down this dark bumpy road that is grief

Kelly xx

[MarkJT]

I am in just so much awe of all of your unbelievable strength and resilience. To go through such events, yet you are here, supporting each other and seeking out advice and answers.

Never forget that we are all here for you. Help you in any way we can.

So much respect.

Mark.

[3T]

Hi mark

thankyou for your words. It's bizarre people oftern comment about the strength we have, I certainly feel like a broken shadow of the person I was before my daughter got her wings

some days I question why I'm still here fighting for something i used to have and for someone I'm not going to be able to hold again, but we do it everyday .. We have no choice

thank you for your support xx

[MarkJT]

3T, i agree with you 100%. This sounds (in a nice way) hypocritical but lots of people have said to me how much courage i have to speak out about mental health matters and particularly PTSD in first responders, how tough i am to recover and how how resilient i am but i do not feel that one iota so when you say you do not feel it, agree fully.

I am fortunate in that i have not been touched by suicide in such a close way but I can assure you that you are exceedingly tough and resilient.

Your words, "We have no choice" really resonate with me as when i was feeling utterly crap, I didn't have a choice but to do everything i can to recover because I didn't want to feel that way anymore.

I have no doubt that your journey is profoundly harder than mine and this is why i have so much respect and admiration for you and everyone else who is finding their way after the loss of close loved ones.

Mark