My father died and I am not sure how to feel about it

[scat]

My father was an abusive drunk. My mother divorced him in 1983 when I was 18. He remarried a woman who watched him abuse me and kick me out of my home when mum signed over the house to him on threat of death if she tried to claim it in the divorce settlement. The gold digger and her children moved in and she married my father. He died recently and the gold digger did not tell us. I found out from a local hairdresser. I requested a copy of his will. It was dated 1991 and he left my brother and I $5 each because we never went to see him even though he violently drove us out of our home. my brother did visit him 3 years ago to make contact again. What bothers me the most is the lawyers who wrote his will think that we are arseholes for not seeing our father but he drove us away. I can't sleep, I am drinking way too much and I am swinging from deep rage to absolute depression over this and I deal with it. My father was sacked from his job for drinking when mum divorced him and he and the gold digger have never worked a day in their lives since. My mother worked her arse off in that house, even keeping debt collectors at bay. She did all the maintenance and ended up with nothing. She passed away from pancreatic cancer 9 years ago. The gold digger is laughing all the way to the bank at our expense. I have no idea how to get over this. We cannot contest the will because he left us $5 and I want to avenge my mother but I am not sure what to do

[Croix]

Dear Scat~

First of all it does not matter about lawyer's impressions of you and your brother. They simply obey instructions and that is that. Their views - if they have any - do not count.

I'm afraid you have had a very hard time in your life and as you expect, I'm sure it has left you deeply affected. I can understand your reluctance to delve too deep as I've experienced a similar reluctance concerning traumatic events in my past work. I simply did not know what my reactions would be and was strongly tempted to 'leave well enough alone'. In the long run this did not work too well.

I have now reached a pretty good balance thanks to medical professionals, therapy, medication and support from my family. I can't talk for others but for myself getting that help became a good move (my family agrees).

Contesting a will is not a straightforward process, and even if you could find a lawyer or firm that would take the matter on a contingency basis there are still very real financial pitfalls.

More importantly it can be a very traumatic experience, reliving the happenings of the past over and again more than just once to satisfy all requirements. You are in the hands of legal rather than medical professionals and they will not be able to properly assess the effect it is having on you.

If you are reluctant to seek Mental Health help - who may well help a lot - please be even more reluctant to open up the matter to the courts - who may end up costing you to no good end.

Sophie_M has given some good advice in places to follow up.

I had the chance to take my employer to court and fueled by anger considered it, but am now, years later, very glad I did not. It takes time and help to heal, and court would have set the process back.

Animal rescue is harder than many think at times, but it can be very therapeutic and rewarding too. The love of fur babies is wonderful. I had a good freind who took abandoned dogs and trained them to be trackers for police and emergency services. It became a very large part of her life and she never regretted it.

I hope you keep on talking here and say how you are going

Croix

[Oracle123]

Hi scat

Despite all the suffering you have experienced you have found yourself in a position where your focus is on those who are helpless. This selfless service is where you will find happiness. As hard as it is to believe the if only I hard more money my life would be better. The rich and famous with unlimited money and happiness still are suffering.
As hard as this trauma has been it has opened you up to others and made you who you are.

don’t be afraid to cry there is nothing to hold onto

[scat]

small wolf his passing meant nothing to me. I had a step-father who I considered my real father for the last 40 years. Unfortunately he died on 17 April from cancer and his passing is deeply mourned by the whole family. I never told my children he wasn't my biological father and they knew no other grandfather. All I ever wanted from my biological father was acknowledgement and an apology for the 16 years of abuse he put me through but he did not see that what he did to us was wrong