My Darling Dog Will Be Euthenized Soon

[Guest_1573]

I have a dear dog whom I rescued from a horrible place in May 2020. She is now 9 years old. She is the light and love of my life. Two weeks ago she seemed to be unbalanced and a long story short I have taken her to the vet 4 times since then. She has had numerous tests and ultrasounds and the vet is not giving me any answers.

In the last two days she has been lying in the bathroom which she never does. She has been having tremors and crying in her sleep. Although the vet doesn't know what is wrong they have put her on strong painkillers. When she has these she doesn't show pain but sleeps.

She is not drinking water and is very out of sorts. I feel it is time to put her out of this misery. The vet wants to do an MRI at a cost of $5000.00. I have spent $1600 at the vet in the last 9 days.

I am besides myself as I feel she has had a stroke or has a brain tumour yet the vet keeps stringing me along. At the end of the day I truly believe she is showing all the signs of a poor animal at the end of her life.

I am so torn. I barely sleep, I put her on my bed at night and she is often panting, crying in her sleep or having tremors. I am so upset and anxious and I guess I just want someone to make that decision for me. Which I know is not going to happen.

I rang my local vet and told them what has been going on (they were not aware as I had to take dear doggy to emergency vet throughout all of this). They were very kind and said to me that if I truly feel it is time to take here there anytime and they will look after her....

I am so scared that if I do this it might be too early? Yet deep down I know something very wrong is going on with her....I am falling apart. I love her so much. She had a terrible life until I rescued her. I hate life. It is so terrible and unfair.

I have been crying almost constantly daily. Please someone help. Thankyou.

[mmMekitty]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, hopefull with sunny days for some walking where you are, too. Sghe may be a little (is that an understatement?) now, but getting her used to a lead, I think is a good idea, even before training starts.

How is your son, with her around there, now? I did read your other post, & have wondered how he has responded with her being as lively & seemingly joyful, adorable as you say. Do you think her presence has effected his mood? Is he willing to help care for her?

I really hope so, because then, things will be looking brighter for all of you.

mmMekitty

[Guest_1573]

She is adorable and getting better day by day. She now realises this is her home forever and she cannot believe what a beautiful home she has landed in!

My son loves her too and there has been a lot of fun and laughter with this hilarious clown girl here! xx

I am still struggling with the loss of my beloved. Regardless of my new baby it is very raw and I am still really angry at the useless vets. I know I will be alright but sometimes I just cry over her. And the horrid two weeks she went through 😞 I have emailed both vets and had useless pandering replies. I just have to have faith that I will see her again. She was the love and light of my life.

On a brighter note cheeky new girl has very quickly asserted herself! She is living the life of Riley ....the best food, beds, toys...numerous outings etc...she is so absolutely sweet. She sleeps on my bed and every morning comes up to thank me for having her...like she wakes up and realises where she is and is so happy instantaneously! She is a right cad too! Very funny....does zoomies and the more we laugh the more she does it.....! She really is a darling.

I know I will be ok. Having little Miss Hazelnut in my life will make me step up and try to recover from my beloved.

I hope you and darling cat are well

xxxxx

[mmMekitty]

Oh what a wonderful name: Hazelnut. I love it! It sounds perfect for her.

Grief & loss, we deal with as it comes. One thing to remember, when you are laughing at Hazelnuts zooming, you don't love your lost dog any less. It is okay to be finding pleasure & love with this new dog.

mmMekitty

[missep123]

I agree with mmMekitty! Hazelnut is the cutest name!!!

I once heard that our pets who pass away actually help to bring the next pet into our life. I think that's so beautiful that you saw so many butterflies when you spread the ashes!

[Guest_1573]

Her name is Hazel but we call her Hazelnut; and when she is being particularly silly and hilarious we call her Crazel!

It is so nice that you understand me. I am still torn apart over my beloved and miss her constantly...everything about her was beautiful and to lose her so suddenly and under such horrible circumstances has wreaked havoc on my mental state. Along with all the drama I am experiencing with my teenage son. Sure; sometimes I just wish my beloved was still here but that is never going to happen so I have to move forward with my new dear doggy. She is very sweet and she is getting easier as the days go by. She will be desexed at the end of the week and also vaccinated so I can then get her into training. It will be fantastic when I can take her for the long walks we both need!

xxxx

[Guest_1573]

The butterflies have been incredible; in the three weeks after losing my beloved I literally saw them everywhere....the same thing happened years ago when I lost my darling boy bustabrown to lymphoma 😞 he was a rescue pooch and he was only 6 years old 😞 but the few weeks after him leaving I saw butterflies everywhere. I believe.

I have so many beloved pooches and cats in heaven. I have to believe I will see them again. Most were rescues and died from old age but a couple died from cancer and one from snake bite. So heartbreaking.

xx

[Matchy69]

Seeing butterfly's sounds like a beautiful thing that it is a sign your beloved pet is safe now and happy and you will see them again.

[Guest_1573]

I am so sad. I have to give Hazel up. I have had my son threaten suicide and the amount of stress I am under I simply cannot cope with her. Do not worry. She will be taken on by another foster carer.

Again. Everything I do to make things nice goes pear shaped. I knew fostering would be difficult and it is. But when my son goes off his nut and does this again and again I seriously can't cope. I have called the ambulance twice in the last fortnight. He has gone off his nut three times. He is in dire need of help and I have finally got him a referral but they can't see him until next week?

Meanwhile I am up half the night with Hazel and then up early to try to get son to go to school (which does not happen). Hazel is sweet but needs 100% from someone and right now it is all I can do to give her 10%. The amount of attention she and my son need is ridiculous. I seem to spend all of my days placating either one of them/entertaining/cleaning up.....what a life. I never sleep properly and my son has a very bad habit of coming in whenever he feels like it to tell me he can't sleep/feels sad/whatever it is at that moment.. he is almost 18!!

Once Hazel is safely placed I will begin my new job. My son is going to have to fend for himself. I simply cannot do it anymore. I have begged his father for help and had no response. I will truly die if I cannot get one minutes peace!

It is horrible and I hope you guys don't hate me. But I just cannot look after two damaged individuals whilst being damaged myself. 😞

[Sophie_M]

Hey Panicmerchant,

It sounds like things are really full on for you and your family right now. We're sorry to hear what's going on. 

We wanted to check in with you to make sure that you’re ok, and to let you know that we're here if you'd like to talk this through with our counsellors. We're available 24/7 on the phone (1300 22 4636) or via webchat.
 
We can hear how much you care for your son, he's lucky to have you. We just wanted to let you know that whenever you feel he is unsafe, calling 000 is the right thing to do. You can also reach out to your state's Mental Health Triage Service, for SA this is 13 14 65. There's some more info on how they can help you here.

We're sorry to hear that you're having to wait for a referral for him. It could also be worth looking at the Beyond Now safety planning app, if you don't already have a safety plan in place with him. We're always here for him, as are Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467), although we know it may be hard to encourage him to make that call. 

Thank you again for posting, PanicMerchant. No one will hate you, we know how caring you are and it's really important to make sure you're looking after yourself, especially when you are looking after others. There's some tips on doing so here. 
 
Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Guest_1573]

Dear Sophie

Many thanks for your response. I just got off the phone to Lifeline...

LL reiterated that I have to stop giving and doing so much for my son. He is codependent and this situation is totally beyond the pale. I have also spoken to the foster group and they are grateful for what I did for Hazel and assured me she will be alright.

I will ensure dear Hazel is looked after. I am starting a part time job next week which I am doing for my sanity more than anything else. My son has the options to continue school until he is accepted into university.

As his father refuses to help in any way it is of course entirely up to me. As usual. I have had 15 years of this. I am totally done. My life died 15 years ago.