Life is a funny thing

[froddoesntkno]

Life is funny. I grew up most of my life without a mother, she killed herself when I was 7 years old; although this was tough, I always looked at the positives in life and continued pushing forward. I found this hard at times in my life, my dad had also had multiple alcoholic suicide attempts, he would go through stages for months where he'd be blind drunk from dusk to dawn and then some. I was around 9 at this time and it happened all the way up to when I was 16, in stages, not consecutively. In my final year of school, one month to go; my dad was sentenced to 3 years in jail with potential of bail after 8 months. That left me lost, angry, sad, dissapointed an overwhelming feeling of emotions that I had never felt before. I remember thinking to myself "Why me?" I still think that to this day. People say everything happens for a reason, to learn a lesson but that's what school is for; me suffering through then suicide of my mother and all the things that happened with my father wasn't a lesson. It was pure pain. I'm sitting here today, 19 days till my 18th birthday, I lost my best friend a few days ago, and my job yesteday. Dreams of being a pilot but unable to achieve them, the government put a pause on VET FEE HELP which means I have to come up with 80k to put myself to flight school, working a minimum wage job with my only qualifcation being a year 12 certificate. While everyone else was deciding what they wanted to do with their life, I was trying to figure out how to pay rent, and pay for food and basically be a parent to myself because no one else could. I feel lost, people know my situation but no one cares. "I'm sorry that happened to you" the amount of times I've heard those words now make them meaningless. I feel nothing but sadness and pain rush through my bloodstream but I value life too much to make that pain go away. I can't sleep properly, every day I wake up and it feels like a dark cloud is following me everywhere I go, I can't see properly; life seems blurry and all I want to do is move away and start fresh, but I can't. I can't because I don't have the funds to, because I'm stuck paying for my life through centerlink and 14 dollar an hour jobs. Australia used to be a land of opportunites but now it just feels like hell. I've seen a therapist it doesn't help, i've talked to family it doesn't help. I am lost, I am hopeless and I need help.

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hello and welcome to BB,

You have had more than your share to contend with. You seem to have coped remarkably well to get to this point. I know it was not easy.

First of all, have you seen your GP recently to talk about your sleep and the 'dark cloud' feelings. I don't know how long ago you saw a therapist, but your life has changed now. There may be medication or other therapies that may help you. It would be understandable if you needed some professional help at the moment. Many young people struggle when leaving school and starting to find their career path, even without all that you have had to deal with.

There are many people who have had a difficult start in life, for many different reasons. Some suffer various forms of abuse at a young age, some have serious illnesses to contend with, some like you, suffer bereavement and loss of a 'normal' childhood. Reading these forums, I have realised that it is too common and life can dish up an unimaginable amount of grief to good people for no reason. I also lost parents and best friends before I was 13, but managed to juggle work and put myself through a uni degree as well as post-grad study. I wouldn't have thought it would be possible when I 1st left school, in fact I'd given up my life long dream due to my circumstances. So never think never!

Regarding the pilots' course. Have you considered joining the air force or navy? I believe you can get qualified through them, and earn a good wage while doing it. There may be grants or scholarships available for this or associated courses.

When I left school (against all advice, in yr 11), I did a course that was like an apprenticeship, in that I got paid whilst studying. This was not my dream job, but it was in a similar field. It was 10yrs after I left school that I applied for uni, again not my dream course, but I got good enough results in that to apply for it, and the very first course I did was a help in that too. Now, I am so grateful that I didn't go straight to uni, as I value the 'life' & work experience I gained in those 10 years.

I didn't really plan anything. It just evolved (as life does). I never really gave up on my dream, as far fetched as it was, and despite everyone telling me it would never happen.

Keep looking for the positives in life and keep pushing forward. But it is important to make sure that you look after your mental health first, otherwise you will be always pushing uphill harder than you need to.

[geoff]

hello, and before I begin what Jugglin Strugglin has said about joining the air force or navy is an excellent recommendation, because you get paid a salary, so you don't have to pay rent, they will train you in what you want to do and all the amenities will be there, dental, doctors etc, so it's a brilliant idea and something to really consider, and hope that you can consider doing this.
I can only say how terribly sorry I am for you and sorry that I have said what others have also said, but can you take my apology as sincere and caring because this is a site where we want to help you and offer continual support.
My greatest concern is that you say your eyesight is not good, and is this because you need glasses but can't afford to buy them, however if you are receiving a centrelink payment, along with your job, you can claim $1000 off the government which has to be paid back but in instalments, this will allow you to get glasses, but we would really like to hear back from you. Geoff.

[Becstar]

Hi there,

I can honestly relate to how your are feeling and sometime life is just not fair and i also really dislike it when during a really tough time people say things like"everything happens for a reason" obviously they mean well but it can be a little condescending and especially when someone like yourself is just constantly faced with unrelenting pressure. One thing I can say from experience is that it may seem like no-one cares about your situation but people do, unfortunately you just have to be really open minded and find them! It really sucks that your Mum and Dad, the 2 people who should love and support you unconditionally are not around or are not up to the task and you didn't mention that you have any other family so I.m assuming you do not have any other close relationships? You need to find some really good services in your local area and start connecting with the community. It can take months or years to start feeling connected to other people and to make friends but if that is all you have then that is what you have to do. Also, im not sure what the deal with the VET FEE HELP is but maybe there are other avenues of financial assistance or doing another course that is similar. I sincerely hope everything works out well for you