Hi, I am 64 years old. I am divorced since 2009. I live alone with my cat, Mitzi who is 12 years old. I have suffered depression since I was very young. My childhood was an unhappy one with a father who committed suicide when I was only 3 years old and a mother who didn't know how to love. School was also hard as I was extremely shy and poor. Kids picked on me a lot. High school wasn't much better, I spent a lot of time alone. I moved to Queensland when I was 20 years old. I married and had a son. The marriage was abusive causing me to fear for my safety. It took 33 years before I had the courage to leave him. For years later I was in fear that my Ex would find me. I am now medically retired from the Police Service after being hospitalised for 3 months. I had attempted to end my life. I had ect, 12 treatments which caused me to forget how I had attempted suicide as well as what I did for my job. Since then I have been admitted into Mental Health Units about 4 times. Medication I was given caused me to appear as if I had early onset of Dementia but it was proven to be incorrect. I had tried CBT, DBT with little success. I was diagnosed as having severe PTSD after many years of seeing Psychiatrists who treated me for Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, severe Anxiety and OCD. I found little help with the numerous Psychologists I have seen because many use only one tool, CBT. This tool didn't help after going to Outpatients sessions at New Farm for almost 2 years. I have found a Clinical Psychologist that is treating my PTSD. I see her weekly because I cannot cope with life on my own. I didn't necessarily choose to be alone but my son has abandoned me and my nearest family member is in New South Wales. The village where I live I am not welcomed because of my age. There are many who treat me with hurtful comments. I no longer attend any functions at the village. They don't know I have Mental Health issues, if they did it would make life at the village worse than it is at present. I don't have any friends to speak of, certainly anyone to talk to when the pain from my Fibromyalgia is so bad or I can't sleep for fear I have another nightmare. I hope my experiences in life can help others who have periods of deep depression. That's my story.
