I think he's been cheating n I'm so confused *Trigger warning - domestic abuse*

[Sparkles109]

So i have always trusted my husband of 7 years although there have been times I've caught him with little white lies I always let it go coz I thought he was basically honest. Throughout our relationship he frequently stays out over night- we live in a rural area so I say if u had a drink please don't drive. Or he claims he too tired to drive if he working quite a distance from home. In December he was supposed to be coming home from our nearest town-only 25 mins away. He then disappeared all night n his phone was off. I was at home with our 6 week old baby. Very frightened n upset I txt several of friends but none had heard from him. When he finally responded to me he claimed to b in a town an hour away n had got drunk with an old mate(someone I've met but have no contact with) he then said too drunk to drive home n was sleeping in his ute. I thought strange if he with his mate why not sleep on his lounge? following this he complained about burning when urinating I said prob an infection from too much beer. I will admit I was quite involved with being a new mum so didn't really pay as much attention as I should of. We had resumed our sex life but then on Feb I noticed things down below were a bit off n went to the Drs. I was diagnosed with gonorrea. I confronted him n he said no way had he cheated it must b a wrong diagnoses. I told him to go get the shots anyway coz if I had it he would have it. So he went Drs but apparently had clymidia??? I decided to let this go as it was too confusing n I wanted our marriage to work for the sake of our son. Anyway just recently we had to get print out of old bank statements ( we have separate accounts) n I offered to help him highlight n look for the items we were looking for in them but he got mad n hid them from me. Again I let it go. Then yesterday the statements were in my car where they got left after the appointment we needed them for n he went mad at me as to why I had them n had I looked at them. I hadn't looked but after he went out I went through them n found payments dating back to 2015 at various motels within our area. Now I have no idea what to do. My family all live overseas n I have very few friends. When we have been fighting previously he has told me I will never ever be able to take his son- he scares me. He has a violent temper n recently physically abused me in temper. He calls me names but says I make him do it coz I nag. I feel like I'm going crazy.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Sparkles109,

We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time with your husband. We take reports of abuse seriously. Please know that we are concerned about you and are here to support you as much as you need.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000.

If you are not in immediate danger 1800RESPECT is another great resource for those seeking relationship support.

When you are up to it we would love for you to check in with us about how you are doing.


 

[JessF]

Hello Sparkles109, I'm so sorry things are tough right now. It's no wonder you feel like you're going crazy, what you describe in your post is a gulf between the husband you would like to have, and the husband you actually have. It's not until the very end of your post that the most concerning thing comes out, that he has physically hurt you and blamed you for this. Abuse is never acceptable, at any time. You mention that you want your marriage to work for the sake of your son...what your son needs most is a safe environment and a mother who is also safe and able to look after him. There is nothing in your post to suggest that your husband is currently fulfilling his obligations as a father, and plenty of evidence to suggest that he is not fulfilling his responsibilities as a husband - lying, cheating, disappearing without notice, and passing on sexually transmitted diseases to you. If you haven't already, I would urge you to get tested at the doctors again, as chlamydia untreated can affect your fertility and have other serious health consequences for you. It is not possible to get either of those two infections you describe without sexual contact, and those are just the tip of the iceberg of what may be passed on to you if he is regularly sleeping around and having unprotected sex.

Sparkles I hope this post isn't too overhwelming for you, as you say you are very isolated with few friends or family nearby. Please reach out to those few friends that you do have and consider calling a domestic violence helpline like 1800 Respect. You deserve better, but I understand that after 7 years with this man it is very hard to make that move and put yourself first.