I should’ve have ran

[IUseToBeHappy]

Accidentally met a fellow, had been on my own for 10 years and happy but stupidly I entered a relationship with him. 
Looking back, the signs were there. But I choose to see the charming and charismatic side, which was especially present in public. But then I started acknowledging what was happening, the flirting with other women, the excuses, when I challenged him, he would flip the script and it was all my fault. 
The verbal abuse was horrendous, and  the name calling was abhorrent, the most disgusting names. But he would say it’s my reaction to you when you ignore me, I can’t deal with how much I love you. 
Twice he tried to choke me, pushed me over numerous times backwards onto my bum, bruises and a sore back for days. 
Started accusing me of having affairs. If I wasn’t so traumatised by him I would’ve laughed. The accusations were ridiculous. 
Quite often he’d threaten to shame me publicly and at my place of employment, which terrified me because I knew the lies he could make up would be damming. 
I hid so much from family but now one sister knows a little bit, and actually asked me if I think he’d kill me. 
I said I really don’t know. 

I started disliking myself for staying, I felt pathetic and still do because I’m still here, partly out of fear, but it’s time to stop being his emotional punching bag.  And I’m doing it today. 
I need to for my own peace of mind, and to be my old self again, independent, happy and at peace. 

[Croix]

Dear IUseToBeHappy~

Welcome to the forum where if you look around you will find this is not an uncommon occurrence.

You are someone who has been independent and relied on oyurself for a long time, and are happy in that state. Then you met someone who seemed like the perfect partner, behaving exactly as you would have wished. It is only human nature that you would fall for this person and enter a relationship with him

At the time you would never have known you had fallen prey to a certain type of toxic person. He was skilled at luring you in, and knew all the buttons to press.  As time went on you found he was becoming a monster, bullying and assaulting you, and threatening you and now blackmailing you with threats to falsely ruin your reputation.

As he got worse and worse you would have felt more and more trapped, and sadly started to blame yourself for staying, even though you did not have all that much choice.

It was no failing in you, in fact may people never leave and gradually their regard for themselves is eroded away to nothing. You are taking action - great.

I am so very glad you confided in your sister, to try to get out of this all by yourself is immensely hard, so to have someone else that understands makes a huge difference.

You have something to aim for, your self respect, self reliance and contentment, and have decided to leave. I wish you every success and think from your words you will be determined and succeed.

Should you need advice or practical help or the steps in gettng an order he keep away I'd suggest contacting 1800RESPECT who may be able to point you towards support in your area, if not then try Ask Izzy, who specialize in listing appropriate resources by location.

If you felt up to it I'd really like to know how you get on

Croix