I’m a bit confused about my feelings (TW: mentions of SA)

[ILoveSharks28]

I didn’t know what topics to put this under due to being unsure about the entire thing myself. (Sorry if I get anything wrong or call it the wrong thing).

As the title suggests I’m confused. When I was 9 I had this neighbour I was friends with her, I didn’t realise it at the time but during our whole friendship she would constantly body shame me. Then one day she came over and SA me (I think, idk if I can classify it as that she didn’t do much other then got me to take my shirt and pants of and then ground on me and I didn’t say no). That was 7 years ago to this day it still bothers me I am no longer friends with her but I feel really shitty because the few interactions I’ve had with her now she is extremely nice to me and now I feel guilty for still holding a grudge against her. Idk tbh I can’t do anything about it now anyway because I don’t have evidence and I don’t think people would believe me.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Guest_08949706,

I’m sorry you’ve had this confusing experience. Is this other person the same age as you? It’s obviously not ok at any age to have unwanted sexual contact. If you feel it would help to talk things through with someone there are a few numbers you could call. I’m assuming you are 16 from the information you’ve given. So you could call Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800. You could also speak with 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732. Also, the Beyond Blue helpline is there to chat as well on 1300 224 636. It could help just to talk to someone to help process what happened. Often when something like that happens we can keep it to ourselves as it feels very awkward to speak about. I’ve kept certain things to myself for a long time because they felt awkward to talk about, but it did help discussing the things that happened with someone.

I hope that helps a bit and that you know there are supports there to help you process things.

Best wishes,

Eagle Ray 

[ILoveSharks28]

Yes, they were the same age as me which makes it slightly more confusing because we were just kids and I don’t think they understood what they were doing either.

[ILoveSharks28]

And thank you for the reply i really appreciate it 🙂

[Eagle Ray]

Hi ILoveSharks28,

Yes, being the same age I would say they probably didn't fully get what they were doing and were not mature/old enough to think it through. If it is something that is bothering you in the present, you can always have a chat to someone to process it. Your feelings are always valid and there are trained counsellors at the above helplines who would be able to listen and provide advice and support. The important thing in the future is always knowing consent is important and feeling comfortable with any situation you choose to be in. I just had a look at kids helpline and they have a page on consent that looks informative. You can find it if you google "kids helpline all about consent". It looks like a good resource for navigating the issue of consent.

All the best!

[Guest_9989]

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. It’s understandable to feel conflicted and guilty, but your feelings are valid.

What happened to you was serious, even if you’re unsure about the exact label.

It’s important to remember that your feelings and experiences are legitimate, regardless of how they’re received by others.

It’s common to have mixed emotions about someone who has hurt you, especially if they seem nice now.

Your feelings are your own, and it’s okay to process them in your own time.

If you’re struggling with these emotions, talking to a counselor or therapist might help you work through them and find ways to heal. You deserve support and understanding as you navigate these feelings.

[sbella02]

ILoveSharks28,

We warmly welcome you to the forums, I hope you can find comfort here. I am so sorry that you've gone through this, what an awful experience. Thank you for sharing with us, that must've taken a lot of strength to write out.

In my opinion, if you can understand at age 9 that what she did was wrong, she would likely have had a similar understanding that her behaviour was not acceptable. While she may not have had the maturity to think through her actions at that age, it does not make what she did acceptable. Your feelings are valid and again, I'm so sorry that you've gone through this. It's horrible to feel like somebody has violated your personal space and dignity. 

Given that she is making a point of being nice, she's either forgotten about it, or understands that what she did was wrong. Either way, I would try not to feel guilty for holding a grudge. You had an experience that affected you deeply, with somebody who you still see from time to time now. It makes sense that you would be feeling like this. 

Is there somebody older who you would be able to open up to about this? A parent or guardian, a school counsellor, even a teacher? Getting to talk through this with a trusted adult may be therapeutic, and they may also be able to give you some resources, advice, or a place to go for further action, should they deem it appropriate for you. 

I'd also like to reiterate that the following resources are available for you as well:

Kids Helpline - 1800 551 800

1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732

Beyond Blue helpline - 1300 224 636

I hope this is helpful for you, and feel free to keep chatting with us, we're here to listen and support you.

Take care,

SB