Good to meet you Yunalonei, welcome to the forums.
Thank you for trusting us with your story, for your courage and honesty.
Please don't feel bad about dumping your concerns on strangers...the purpose of these forums is to provide an alternative to suffering alone and in silence.
I too was a victim of sexual abuse. Though we're all different, I have some insight into the damage done. It does pull the carpet from under the feet, erodes self-esteem, self-confidence, all sense of security and generally sends brain mechanism out of kilter.
Of course, not being able to talk to those around you makes it all worse, doesn't it ? Your family is not much help but I'm glad you have a good man's support.
Return to the scene of the abuse would of course trigger a lot of flashbacks and distress. So my first question is...would it be possible for you to move elsewhere ?
It would ease emotional turmoil BUT you will also need a more in depth approach to tackle the issues you are up against. You do not mention if you are still undergoing counseling. If not, a first wise step would be to book a long appointment with a GP. You would probably need to go on a mental health plan involving therapy and perhaps medication.
The damage done can sometimes lie dormant for years. It may be triggered by some event or a change of situation (as in your case) or just bubble back to the surface for no apparent reason and take us by surprise. The thing is, once unleashed, it will not disappear if left unattended. Mental conditions are medical conditions. You deserve the right help and support. With it, it can and will get better. I'm here to testify to that.
Meanwhile, I hope navigating these forums will give you some measure of comfort. Please continue to talk to us as it will help us point you in the right direction and support you the best way we can.
Do not hesitate to call the helpline. There are times where we all need to talk with someone who cares and understands.
We're here for you.
