I feel empty and struggle to be normal

[Aleksi]

for the most part of my social interactions, I portray myself as happy and carefree.

Deep down inside everyday, I struggle to be positive and happy and not "feel sorry" for myself but the truth is I am lonely and empty. I grow up with my grandparents who are now passed on I have no other family all I have is myself. Which I struggle with because I am very family-oriented and I literally have no one to call or see and crave someone to love me and make me feel important. I could disappear today and no one would notice I'm gone and that's scary. I have gone through so many situations alone, being homeless, got out a domestic violence relationship where I was stabbed, the loss of my friends due to isolation from my past relationship, the loss of my family. I've been bankruptcy from a business I started and I am only 26. I struggle to just push on and be happy and not let anything get to me. I just lonely and sad and crave to be wanted and to be well. I don't what i am doing here...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Aleksi,

Firstly, I’m so sorry it has a taken a while for you to receive a reply. I’m very sorry, but sometimes it happens accidentally. Please don’t think it has anything to do with you at all, because it absolutely doesn’t.

We do care, even if we don’t always reply straight away. Thanks so much for your patience, and for bravely reaching out here 🙂

You have clearly been through so much. I felt my heart ache as I read about your struggles. You sound so lonely, sad and hurt....

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your grandparents and family. So much loss...I can only imagine your grief...

I think, as humans, most of us crave love and connection. I really do feel your loneliness and pain. It must be so hard to not feel as though you have family to turn to...

Just to share some of my thoughts )I hope that’s okay)...I think sometimes if a person’s biological family is either physically not around (or estranged in other cases), there’s something to be said about trying to “create” your own family. I know people who’ve created a family with local communities, close friends, partners, etc. I wonder if re-thinking new ways of finding family might help you.

For example, I know someone who is gay and who was sadly rejected by his biological family, because of who he loves. He created/found a new family with close friends and a local community that accepts and loves him for him.

I’m not saying that same situation applies to you. But I suppose what I’m getting at is how family doesn’t have to be biological or about the family a person grew up in. That said, I realise my saying that doesn’t take away your pain and grief. But perhaps it’s just something you might like to consider in the future...just my thoughts...

I understand, at the moment, you’re hurting and I know the isolation is painful. I know we can’t replace offline support, but just know you can write to us any time (no pressure though). Sometimes people find it carthartic to unload their feelings here, and we can still form meaningful connections here in this special online space 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[TimTams]

I am in a really similar situation to you at a similar age. I feel your pain. Take care

[Timetoleave]

Hi sorry to hear about your loss and emptiness.

I am in a similar situation and after reading peppers advice it makes a great deal of sense. Perhaps reaching out to find a new family is the answer. Where to start is the question . I have isolated myself after much abuse and bullying.

I do find it difficult to trust . My dear mother who was my closest friend passed away a couple of years ago and i feel the loss everyday. Night was a comfort for me where i could snuggle up n fall asleep however the pain and loneliness now keeps me awake with my thoughts. 

ive got onto this site to make an effort to find a solution. My sleeping beautiful dogs are the only thing that stops me falling into a long permanant sleep.

Even speaking about this makes me feel ashamed . So many people struggling with awful illnesses who want to be alive and healthy. I just want peace.

[paddyanne]

Hi Aleski. I'm so sorry for the losses in your young life. Obviously you had a close, loving relationship with your grandparents. Do you know anything about your birth parents, I say 'birth' parents because the tone of your post indicates your grandparents either had custody or they adopted you. It also sounds as though as much as they loved you, they didn't prepare you for adulthood. Maybe try contacting the birth, deaths and marriages bureau to see if you have siblings or any other relations. You sound terribly lost and unsure of who you are or where you belong. If you have any knowledge of your actual parents, you could try locating any other family you may have. Even if you were the only child, the birth certificate would list mum or dad's name. I recently built a family tree for my dad's side. I had absolutely nothing to build it with, but I listed my grandfather's name and my grandmother's. I discovered my grandfather was one of 6, grandmother the same. I found heaps of cousins and aunts. Also maybe think about volunteering for a social service network such as Meals On Wheels. Your background wouldn't interest them, they need helpers, it does wonders for self esteem and you would make friends. Unfortunately, no-one is going to miraculously appear and help you. I was where you are and I decided to build the tree out of boredom and loneliness. Sorry to sound blunt, but often bluntness is the best way of giving someone a boost.