I don't think I'm strong enough...

[Solosombra]

Rape, abuse, forced into religion early, high expectations from a iron fisted farther, famous cousins I'm constantly being measured against, a life time of regrets at 26, losing a baby, cheated on twice, craving love/companionship but to scared to trust anyone again ever, work, siblings that look up too me but I just want to hide from the world in my own corner. I need strength but I'm too damn weak. Why? Why am I not strong enough to deal with this anymore? Usually I can find the strength I need by helping others but that's starting to not work and its scaring me so much. I've never hit a low like this before and it feels like quicksand everything I do backfires in my face.

[Carmela]

Hi Kiamau,

I just wanted to send you a virtual hug.

It's ok to be vulnerable sometimes. Emotions rise to the surface when we least expect it, testing our resolve. Don't ignore it - acknowledge them and let them fly where they must.

You deserve to be acknowledged and heard. We are here for you, as you have been for others. It's time to receive now Kiamau.

Carmela xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi Kiamau. I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you today. We havent heard from you today yet, but I am about to have an early night, and didnt want to miss sending you a quick message in case you came back on this evening. I hope you are feeling a little better today? And if you arent, then please contact the help line. Thats what they are there for. I know you can turn this around. Have faith in yourself, as we all do in you.

Please take care.

Sherie xx

[Solosombra]

Thank you guys so much for the support 🙂 I really appreciate it so much.

Ive read all your replys and they all made me smile when I didn't want too 🙂

I promise to call the help line sherie if it gets worse I seem to be ok today.

I hope you are all safe and well 🙂

Love

Kiamau x

[Guest_5218]

Okay Kiamau, thanks for letting us know how you are going. So glad you are feeling a little better. I hope that continues. Was today your day off work? Do you have another session booked with your therapist?

We all care a great deal about you Kiamau, and we all want to see you happy, confident and trusting. I know life has dealt you a bad hand, but I'm so pleased you're such a decent human being in spite (or perhaps because) of it. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for sometimes. But if you hit another low where you feel the quicksand has a hold of you and is dragging you under, there is always help available. You dont have to do it alone. Call the helpline if things are really bad. And you will always find support from your peers here as well.

Much love and a big hug.

Sherie xx

[Lost_Girl]

Goodmorning Kiamau,

Wishing you a day that is a little better than yesterday xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Kiamau

There is no pressure to reply to me, just know I am thinking of you this evening. Sending out a hello and a hug that's all.

Love

Shell xx

[Solosombra]

Afternoon shell 😃 hope you have been well?

sending a big hug back to you

love

Kiamau xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi there Kiamau. Been thinking of you lately, and wondering how you are getting along. As have lots of others here. Is it your day off tomorrow? Do you have plans?

When was your last session of EMDR, and how was it? I hope you havent given it up, as it does get easier. Promise!

Anyway I hope you are okay. I am sending you a big hug also and looking forward to getting one of those beaut hugs of yours back. Ha ha. (-: Me being selfish here.

Much love to you and many kind thoughts.

Sherie xx

Sherie xx

[Solosombra]

Hey sherrie 😃

Ive been ok and yeah day off tomorrow but my next emdr isnt till friday which is ok! Im gonna stick with it and i trust you that it gets easier 😃.

sending you back a big hug back hope it reaches you.

Hope you have been well? How is your emdr going any progress?

lots of love

Kiamau xx

[Guest_5218]

Thankyou Kiamau. Glad to hear that you are sticking with it. I think you will find that it will get easier as you start to become somewhat desensitized to the memories.

Yep, the hug reached me ........ and it felt good - firm and reassuring.

I've been okay thankyou. My anxiety is a lot better than its been for ages, so thats a good thing. No nightmares in almost 2 weeks, so thats an even better thing. My latest session of EMDR was Thursday week ago. I had hoped it would be the last one, but she wants to see me for one (hopefully) final session in 2 weeks time. By then it will have been 12 two-hour sessions of EMDR (with a bit of CBT thrown into each apt for good measure), which should be enough for anyone I reckon. Since my last appointment I have been feeling very drained emotionally and physically. Thats probably because I've been operating at high anxiety levels for a long time, getting very little sleep, and now its like I can finally take a breath and relax a bit. Like someone else said to me (blue I think) its like I've just gone 'splat'. But overall, I'm okay. Just a temporary emotional low.

Just curious Kiamau .. and please dont answer if you're not comfortable in doing so .. you said at the start of this thread that you were forced into religion early. Did you since rebel against that, or are you still a very religious person? I can imagine that if family connections are also very religious, and it was at the hands of an uncle that you suffered abuse, then it would be understandable if you now consider religion to be sanctimonious bullshit. Although I am not religious myself, I do understand that it can be a great comfort to many. So I am interested to hear if it still is for you. Only if you're comfortable in sharing though. (-:

If I'm not talking to you before your session on Friday - good luck ..... I will be thinking of you.

Sherie xx