I don't think I'll ever recover

[Echtis]

I experienced a wide variety of sexual and emotional abuse as a child and teenager. My sexual abuse occured between the ages of 12-17 and I believe it  fundamentally broke something in me. 

I'm seeing someone, and I stayed over at their place, and I woke up to them cuddling me. I had a breakdown right then and there. 

I haven't had sex since I was 17, with my abuser, and still to this day the idea of it scares and disgusts me. I want to make my gf happy, and I know she wants to do this stuff, but I don't know how to overcome this. It really just makes me hate myself, I'm afraid, she asked if I'm a virgin and that's why I'm nervous/afraid. This stuff is too difficult to talk about and I don't think anyone believes me when I do, so I said I couldn't explain and she wouldn't believe me, which was bad on my part. 

Either way, I'm hopeless. 24 year old male and I start shaking if someone puts their hand on my leg. It's just over.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Echtis,

Thank you for your post.  I believe you.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you; it's a traumatic experience that you should never have had to go through.  It makes sense that you feel this way and that your body is reacting this way.

You're not broken though, I can assure you of that.  Your body is reacting to trauma because it still feels unsafe, but it's not permanent.  We can teach our brains that you are safe now and it's safe (and really fun) to have sex with your gf.

I hope this helps a little.  Thanks for sharing this with us.

rt

[geoff]

Hello Echtis, being abused at any age is unforgivable and it's certainly not easy to begin a relationship for yourself, especially when the time comes, but to try and hide it from your partner when the appropriate situation presents itself can put a strain on this relationship, but do realise it's a hidden strain you don't want anybody to know about.

A suggestion is as soon as you meet someone and all you both want to do is know as much about that person that time doesn't always allow this to happen, the most important secret is to let them know just a little about what has happened, this will depend on how each one of you wants to divulge, but just a part of what happened may benefit their understanding, so this relationship will proceed as it suits.

This may then overcome being caught up in a compromising positon where you feel uncomfortable which is so very important in developing this connection between the two of you.

Geoff.

Life Member.