How do I break the habit of pushing loved ones away

[ChatterD]

Quick overview my childhood involved father emotional abusing me and my siblings and physical abuse. I find it hard to let go of the memories and hard to trust people. I confronted my father about our childhood 2 years ago ended in tears and him saying I was never allowed back to the family home. My mother agreed to this as didn't want me upsetting my father. I tried to apologize to him saying I just wanted him to admit what he did in our childhood but he chooses to pretend I don't exist anymore.

Fast forward to adulthood fantastic partner but I find myself pushing him away thinking he is just going to hurt and abandon me.

How do I get over this fear and stop pushing him away?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

A very good question.

Its sad when, you fall out with one parent and lose both. I can recall a meeting with my father in a park asking why I lost him when I dont get along with my mother. His answer was "thats dividing my loyalties " i still dont accept this. If my mother loved him she'd have said "you go visit him love" but no, she used him as a drawcard to get me back.

It seems your father is showing stubbornness and there isnt much you can do. He had chosen not to face the topic.

With your husband I think counseling is crucial for a way forward. I sort therapy 32 years ago and still call on those teachings regularly to get through life.

As an example my therapist taught me how to think realistically. My imagination used to intrude. In your case it isnt realistic to treat hubby in any manner that has been caused by your dealings with your father.

Hence the benefits of therapy.

TonyWK

Consult your GP for a referral.