How can I feel safe?

[AnxiousMaiden]

I live alone with my two children and I am struggling lately with how to feel safe at night. I have a history of sexual abuse during home invasions. As a little girl a man used to sneak in through the kitchen window my mum always left open and assault me in my bed. I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm 33, and I have two of my own children and am a productive, self assured, strong woman by day and the same frightened girl every night. I get very little sleep and its affecting my mental health these past weeks. I do see a counsellor regularly but this is one very stubborn area of my life where I make very little progress. At times I feel like I will never feel safe again. I'd love to be able to go to bed and just fall asleep, feeling safe and protected. How can I get that? Please help.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi AnxiousMaiden,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here. I'm sorry that you went through that as a little girl and hearing how much it's impacted you even now at night.

I applaud you for seeing a counsellor to work through this; can I ask what it is you're working on together? Or even what therapy technique she is using (if you know that)? I believe that therapy really is the way through, but it often comes down to finding the right person. Knowing how long you've felt unsafe, it can often feel like a slow process.

I want you to know that you can feel safe at night again. While there's the little girl inside of you that's scared, you can learn that she doesn't have to be scared anymore and the 33 year old you can protect her now.

RT

[Desedrata]

Idon't know how practical this would be for you, but in order to protect me, my mum got me a dog when I was a child so, if anyone tried to enter my bedroom whilst I was sleeping, the dog would go off barking like an alarm and if they actually entered the room the dog would bite them. Plus, I slept better with the warmth and heart beat of the dog beside me.

[CKS]

Hi Anxious Maiden

I agree with RT about the little girl inside of you. I would ask your therapist if he/she could commence some inner child therapy. It's too long a story to tell now, but I was once fortunate to have a unique experience with my inner child and it changed my life forever! She is in my care and I do everything i can to love and protect her.

You could also write to your inner child, acknowledging what she went through, validate who she was, sharing you inner most thoughts with her. Visualise your precious little girl,bring her to the fore and take her to bed with you at night and let her know that you no longer feel fear, let her know that you are strong and confident and that both of you can sleep soundly. It may take a little while to get to this stage but if you believe it will happen.

With the kindest of thoughts

CKS