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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Basilcat Hidden Story
  • replies: 5

My story is kept hidden and I never let my guard down people think I'm confident, tough and come to me to sort everything (family and work colleagues) but I'm not I'm a complicated mess. Alcoholic father, verbally abusive, gas lighter. Looked after m... View more

My story is kept hidden and I never let my guard down people think I'm confident, tough and come to me to sort everything (family and work colleagues) but I'm not I'm a complicated mess. Alcoholic father, verbally abusive, gas lighter. Looked after my mother with MH from the age of 11 and my younger brother, mother remains dependent. Raped age 13 and abused by an older man. Suffered repeated violence from my first boyfriend. His violence caused the loss of our baby. I was aged 15. Married and settled 34 years had two kids cancer in 2008 survived. I have a good job and responsibilities but no one knows what goes on in my head. My father made me feel worthless all my life this year he died of liver failure. I said good bye 3 days before as he asked to talk to me he still didn't say he loved me, he never did. I think about ending the pain sometimes, sometimes I punch myself for being stupid and the rest of the time I am just lonely and sad. I have anxiety and occasionally panic attacks they used to be a lot worse. The anxiety presents as swallowing difficulty when eating. I also have anger spikes which turn into hating myself. I'm posting to ask how you leave the past behind? I've seen a therapist through the GP but it was worth what I paid not much. Thank you for reading this has been hard to write down but I figured unless I face up to the problems they are going to keep getting worse.

sparrowhawk Dealing with triggers
  • replies: 5

So I was diagnosed as having trauma after prolonged bullying/emotional abuse. I'm no longer in that situation and am getting professional help. The thing is that I am surrounded by triggers - people will simply say or do something that reminds me of ... View more

So I was diagnosed as having trauma after prolonged bullying/emotional abuse. I'm no longer in that situation and am getting professional help. The thing is that I am surrounded by triggers - people will simply say or do something that reminds me of what happened, send me into anxiety/tears. I even work with a very nice guy who is a huge trigger for me simply because of how he interacts with me. And of course sometimes flashbacks happen on their own. Maybe this is too personal a topic for people to respond to. People don't realise they trigger me - I have a very intuitive friend who has sort of clued in but sometimes she triggers me too. It's not their fault, they don't intend it. Every day something is bound to remind me of what happened and I hate it. Criticism, even constructive, is the worst. I can take criticism on its own, and before didn't worry so much about being criticised or corrected, but it is a massive trigger now, even if it's not a personal attack. Just wondering if anyone feels comfortable enough to share what they do.

rat17 Stripped of a life dream.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I write this post to hopefully see others experiences in this area. I was put into a situation where my employer/contractor was questioning my life and why I tried to commit suicide. As I truly believe in truth, I felt I have nothing to hide but ... View more

Hi, I write this post to hopefully see others experiences in this area. I was put into a situation where my employer/contractor was questioning my life and why I tried to commit suicide. As I truly believe in truth, I felt I have nothing to hide but the conversation became very heated, where this person believed that I did not try and commit suicide cause I did not succeed as she believes anything you do in life you succeed, and if I was real about it that I should go and do it, I became very angry fist punching the table and in absolute tears. It was a work Christmas party so alcohol was in play. The conversation came to a quick halt and by this time it was 4am in the morning and we had just stopped drinking. I no longer felt safe nor comfortable, so for the first time in my life I got in a car and drove for an 1 hour knowing I was over limit but I felt I was no longer safe and needed be somewhere that I would be. This all happen in December last year, by the time January rocked around I knew things were not all good. I shared a catering business with a person whom I thought was a friend. Late January got a phone call from my business partner stating she could no longer cope with what was happening which stemmed from Decembers event and that she wanted the business ceased as she wanted to save a friendship as well leave the woman whom we were contracted by as she could no longer cope with her controlling ways.. All her reasonings sounded factual and no reason for it not to be, so I agreed. Within 24 hours of this event, I lost my business, a friendship of over 15 years, and my lifes dream which took so long to a achieve. All my catering jobs gone, all business assets gone, to find out my ex-business partner had started a new catering business and continued working with the woman she so despised. Still to this day she works for this woman, all friendships I had created over my 2 years with this company were gone. People were told to have no contact with me. Today I struggle over the loss of friendships, and my passion for food. Some days are ok, but most is like mourning a loss so great as it was not easy to allow people into my life as dealing with BPD, PTSD, and depression is no baggage anyone wants to know about it. Wondering if anyone has experienced such loss.

CKS I miss my son dearly
  • replies: 6

When your family are embarrassed and even scared of our mental disorders... What does one do? How does one cope? My son ostracizes me! I know my addiction (alcohol) and my having CPTSD embarrasses him, but he could pop in once in a while and bring hi... View more

When your family are embarrassed and even scared of our mental disorders... What does one do? How does one cope? My son ostracizes me! I know my addiction (alcohol) and my having CPTSD embarrasses him, but he could pop in once in a while and bring his little princess to see me. I am a functioning alcoholic and only drink 4 glasses of wine at night. I am always sober during the day and am practically retired, so I have a lot of time on my hands. I wasn’t a perfect mother, but I am his mother. I brought him up very well and he used to love me. He left home at 22 and now he’s 35, married and father of a gorgeous little girl. About 5 years ago my sister told me that my son said these words to her “I hate my mother I literally hate my mother!” I wake up every day knowing that my darling son hates me! I have hardly seen him in the last decade. My hearts bleeds! Am I expecting too much? I know I am an addict and have mental disorders, but I feel I deserve some sort of respect & understanding? What are your thoughts? CKS

Wit_Send Can't cope anymore after 2 decades of struggling
  • replies: 5

First time using a forum, seeing if this may help. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents from the age of 8, now 28. My dad was worse, he would chase me around the house and corner me. My mum slapped at me at times, never did anything ... View more

First time using a forum, seeing if this may help. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents from the age of 8, now 28. My dad was worse, he would chase me around the house and corner me. My mum slapped at me at times, never did anything to stop my dad. I was always a bubbly kid, sensitive but popular, loved people and my (extended) family. From about the age of 12 I started to develop depression, withdrew from my friends. By about the age of 14 I had MDD, severe generalised anxiety, bulimia and suicidal thoughts. My dad would always scream at me when I cried, or showed "negative" emotion so I held everything in and started drinking excessively to deal with them to the point where I abused it. At about 21 I'd finally had enough, I moved into my aunt's place. At this point my dad started spreading lies about me to my extended family. I don't know what he said but it was enough to make my nan (his mum) who was my only positive relationship turn nasty on me. I was devastated. That side of the family never knew what he was like, he was an "angel" to them and at home he turned on me. Never my sisters. Moved interstate not long after, still with MDD and anxiety. Since I've had a number of jobs where I've been bullied, struggled to build relationships or friendships because I'm so damaged and scared of people. I've on/off been struggling with bulimia and anxiety won't go away. I've tried a few psychologists but none have helped. I haven't spoken to my dad since I left, my mum I've recently cut off from her complete insensitivity and inability to be a mother. My dad and her are separated, only because he left, which I hold against her. I desperately want to move on and have a good life but everything I've tried has failed and now because of my negative experiences I'm too scared to leave the house. I know in my head these feelings aren't logical and I punish myself for acting this way. I don't have anyone to support me, family or friends, my sisters and i aren't close and my family has been turned against me. I just want to heal but it's so hard with no support. Most days i think about not wanting to be alive because i can't carry this anymore and I don't see the fog lifting after 2 decades. Just wanting to vent a bit but also if anyone has had a similar experience or advice would be welcome. It's really difficult having no one understand, but i thought maybe in this forum someone would.

FreedomCat Depression - Anxiety - Seeking help
  • replies: 1

I have had depression for as long as I can remember.. well, more precisely since school holidays transitioning from year 6 to 7 (high school). My sisters long-term boyfriend who was staying at our house came into my room late at night and tried to to... View more

I have had depression for as long as I can remember.. well, more precisely since school holidays transitioning from year 6 to 7 (high school). My sisters long-term boyfriend who was staying at our house came into my room late at night and tried to touch me inappropriately. I told him to back off and nothing came of it. I did tell my family (I’m the youngest of 5) and shit hit the fan. My sister went to live with him after finding out - I guess she was very much in love, didn’t want to believe it was true, and didn’t want to live with my annoying ass family. Realistically, she was in her own depressed slumber and couldn’t get out. A few years later she did realise that he was a bad person. She came home to live with my family again - at the time I was a teenager and was certain I’d never forgive her. But I did about 6 months later cos at the end of the day, she was the cooler of two sisters! My eldest sister was a mega bitch, selfish and jealous. Nonetheless.. my sister took a downward spiral in continuing to make poor choices in men. She ended up with a prescription drug addiction from which was mostly a somatic disorder - believing she had heart issues she didn’t have. A bad doctor prescribed her medicine continually even though she shouldn’t have got it. She abused her body for over 7 years of prescription medication and ended up passing away from an overdose. She left behind her 10 year old daughter. We all saw her going downhill and she refused help. That was just over a year ago since she died. Prior to that one of my brothers tried committing suicide (a few times) and was admitted to hospital after a public arrest from attempted suicide. He’s now pretending his life is awesome. I have had crippling anxiety especially towards work for 6 years. I always prepare myself for the worst and go over scenarios with people before and after social encounters. I put my resignation in at work yesterday. My boss is giving me the cold shoulder. It’s making things way worse for my anxiety. At work they think it’s the ‘pinnacle’ of the industry in which I work, its difficult to get into, and frankly you can take it as easy as you want. I’m slightly more ambitious and hard working aside from my regular depression which I do my best to hide. I guess I thought I’d be better supported during my departure given that they said so many good things about me prior to my resignation.

Koori_Col Getting to Know the Site
  • replies: 2

Hello All, This is my first 'post'. Thankfully it is not the 'Last Post' As a worker within Mental Health, I am not immune to MH issues. I am wanting to meet others and to refer clients to this site, as I feel it would be most beneficial to one and a... View more

Hello All, This is my first 'post'. Thankfully it is not the 'Last Post' As a worker within Mental Health, I am not immune to MH issues. I am wanting to meet others and to refer clients to this site, as I feel it would be most beneficial to one and all.

DarkMelody How do I explain that I think my trauma is PTSD?
  • replies: 6

I've recently started therapy again for the problems I have. It's not great at the moment, but I have hope that it will get better. Anyway, I was just wondering how I explain that I think my trauma problems are actually PTSD? I understand the differe... View more

I've recently started therapy again for the problems I have. It's not great at the moment, but I have hope that it will get better. Anyway, I was just wondering how I explain that I think my trauma problems are actually PTSD? I understand the difference between anxiety etc and PTSD but it's getting pretty extreme for me to deal with by myself. I don't want to bring it up and sound like I'm trying to diagnose myself, but I don't think I can get better if I don't see if this is the diagnosis.

ScarlettR I think I suffer from PTSD and am afraid of noises?
  • replies: 1

Ok, here's the thing - I am very sensitive to noise, and can not tolerate loud noises at all. I don't like revving motorcycles/ traffic in general (really, who does?) and screaming children. It puts me in a state of fear where my heart races, I shake... View more

Ok, here's the thing - I am very sensitive to noise, and can not tolerate loud noises at all. I don't like revving motorcycles/ traffic in general (really, who does?) and screaming children. It puts me in a state of fear where my heart races, I shake uncontrollably and I tend to retreat. In my childhood and teenagehood, I was exposed to a lot of loud noise whether I wanted it or not. Yelling teachers, screaming and out of control kids, etc. Now as an adult, I still hear loud noises I can not tolerate, like traffic. But recently I've thinking about it a lot and getting worried, and now everyday noises like making food gets me frightened and upset. For instance, today I accidently dropped a fork on a table while preparing lunch. While it wasn't excessively and unpleasantly loud, it startled me and I jumped, thinking the noise was going to escalate to something louder and Satan-like. I also have a sister who is autistic. She is prone to meltdowns every second day, and gets very loud in a frightening, heart jolting way. She also watches horror games that involves a lot of noise, and I think she picks up certain behaviours from them, even though she is an adult that shouldn't be so impressible. As a result, I think I may suffer from PTSD as a result of exposure to intentional loud noise directed at me. Now I'm getting fearful of everyday noises, and am so timid that I move awkwardly to avoid making even the most subtle of noise.

CKS Psychiatrist versus Psychologist
  • replies: 2

I have been seeing my psychiatrist for over 6 years. He is my rock. He knows how I feel, think and breathe. He is the third psychiatrist i have seen throughout my life. The first one was when I was 14 and the second when i was approximately 20. I am ... View more

I have been seeing my psychiatrist for over 6 years. He is my rock. He knows how I feel, think and breathe. He is the third psychiatrist i have seen throughout my life. The first one was when I was 14 and the second when i was approximately 20. I am now 58. In between i have seen a myriad of psychologists and counselors and unfortunately they never recognised me as having CPTSD. So i spent 38 years searching for answers but I never gave up. During the 38 years i developed an addiction to alcohol which brought my life and the lives of my family nothing but mayhem and sadness. I have always been honest about my drinking and as such I would discuss this with the counselors and psychologists. Despite my disclosure of a myriad of other behaviors and things (including severe depression) occurring in my life, they always determined alcohol as the cause for all of my problems. If I were to give up alcohol then all would be good! I'm not suggesting that any substance abuse is good, what I am saying is that it is not the cause. Because of my personal experience I wonder if psychologists are able to identify the cause of substance abuse and or the symptoms of complex disorders such as CPTSD, which I have. Please, I'm not bagging psychologists I am simply putting this out there for discussion. We must never give up!

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