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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Robin_D Living with a partner who has PTSD, anxiety and depression
  • replies: 2

Hi, my partner suffers from all of the above and has done so for 25 years. Our relationship is about 18 months old, so this is all new to me.I am trying to find someone that is in a similar situation that I can ask questions of. My partner is a Vietn... View more

Hi, my partner suffers from all of the above and has done so for 25 years. Our relationship is about 18 months old, so this is all new to me.I am trying to find someone that is in a similar situation that I can ask questions of. My partner is a Vietnam Vet and also had lived on his own for 22 years before me, mostly due to his issues. I'm mostly fine with the situation, but he does shut down, and shut me out and I want to know if this is normal. We can go out for dinner with friends and you would never know that there is an issue and the minute we get in the car to go home, he stops talking and doesn't start again. We can go a full day with 10 words exchanged between us. Then there are days when he is fine and nothing is wrong. I guess I just need some feedback! Cheers.

Guest_672 Am i alone in feeling this? "TRIGGER WARNING"
  • replies: 9

Does anyone else have constant guilt from not being able to protect others from there abuser??? I just saw a picture online of my pedophile dad and he's still active in society doing as he pleases without a care in the world. My hearts pounding, tear... View more

Does anyone else have constant guilt from not being able to protect others from there abuser??? I just saw a picture online of my pedophile dad and he's still active in society doing as he pleases without a care in the world. My hearts pounding, tears are welling up but won't come out, depressions building up. He's got at least a few adult victims including myself. He was charged when i was a teenager but let go. I feel its my fault if someone else is abused because i can't stop him. Ive tried crimestoppers so many times. I even once put an add on gumtree to warn people of him. I even called police to my house yrs ago to discuss it and when i said what if i get a taped confession? they said criminals have rights, i said so my dog has more legal rights than i do? they said yes and walked out. Im the one living in constant torment from his sexual and psychological abuse but hes happy. I recently had a ex friends friend abuse me for not doing enough to get him in jail. I always say to others in a similar situation its not your fault but when it comes to me sometimes i feel like it is.

Strong_Heart Terrified of Belonging, Unable to Enjoy Anything or Feel Happy
  • replies: 1

Dear Community, I need help. This is my first post. I have lost who I was and is so hard to move forward into who I want to be. I'm barely getting through my days. I feel terrified and blocked to belong here. I came to Australia 2 years ago from Nort... View more

Dear Community, I need help. This is my first post. I have lost who I was and is so hard to move forward into who I want to be. I'm barely getting through my days. I feel terrified and blocked to belong here. I came to Australia 2 years ago from North America, and met the most wonderful partner. I had a physically and emotionally abusive family growing up and quickly learned to be independent. I healed over 15 years by studying meditation and other therapies. I even feel others do that. After I moved in with my partner, everything changed. I remembered something awful about what happened. I remembered a worse trauma than I thought I had experienced, of sexual abuse and my life physically being threatened at age 4. I thought I would die. And more than one caretaker/parent witnessed and didn't protect me. So now I understand why I have rejected belonging. It's so hard to trust my partner. He's very loyal and patient and loving, and intellectually I know I can. After a lifetime, 34 years of rejecting belonging for what I now see as good reason, i'm being blessed with an opportunity to create a new chosen family. And I just can't seem to do it. It's been 9 months of processing this memory. What was first blissful true love now feels like constant fear, terror, panic. The more he loves me, the more my body wants to reject it. I want to trust feeling good in belonging, but all I've ever known is family who betrays you in every way, by almost every single one of them. I literally can't enjoy my favorite things anymore, dancing, feeling others, being with my partner. Its really disheartening. I'm afraid this will go on forever. I've been working with mindfulness, affirmations, writing. I've worked with 3 therapists since I remembered spending 5k in 6 mos. It's too much. And not enough progress. accepting the pace is terrifying. I'm 36 and I want kids too. I just can't see putting a child through this and I can't see an end to the heaviness. the hardest bit it remembering who I was when we first met just a couple years ago, so happy, so vivacious, so fun. I'm missing enjoying these moments with my love, they are passing me by. I'm losing time. I feel powerless. It's awful. It's like I'm wasting all of this because I can only feel and think negatively about it, and attack it and him sometimes! It's so painful. Do you have any ideas of what can help? Thank you in advance* Love, ♥

Jamielee Not sure if some form of ptsd or dissociation
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I’m a 20 year old girl who’s had a history of depression and at one point , hospitalised for anorexia nervous but fully recovered and thrived afterwards , I’ve always somewhat been over stimulated mentally, witty, constantly finding new hobbi... View more

Hi all, I’m a 20 year old girl who’s had a history of depression and at one point , hospitalised for anorexia nervous but fully recovered and thrived afterwards , I’ve always somewhat been over stimulated mentally, witty, constantly finding new hobbies and having new ideas overwhelm me, But about 12 months ago, I went out in town, I took an unknown drug ( told it was ecstacy) my friend took the same one and was totally fine , I myself was fine on the night , until I woke up in the morning and as the weeks went by I started losing my inner monologue , sense of time, feeling extremely uncomfortable around people I know and wa shaving major breakdowns at random times during the day, I’m not the same person I was 12 months ago, I feel as if I have NO inner monologue ( I could stare at a wall for 5 hours and have no coherent idea or thought ) and i have no emotional connection to what little I have to say, towards anyone or anything , I’m seriously stuck on how to explain this as it feels way too complex or foreign to anyone , I feel like I’m faking everything but at the same time , don’t even know who I am anymore , whatever happened seriously shook me up and It’s effecting my personal , and social life dramatically , no anti depressant works as it makes the brain fog 10x worse along with the lack of emotion/thinking , any help would be so , so appreciated ! Thankyou

atw503 Growing up in poverty
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am an American (living with Australian partner) who grew up in poverty. There were times in my childhood and young adulthood where I was denied food, education, heating in the winter, and healthcare when desperately ill, injured, or mentally... View more

Hello, I am an American (living with Australian partner) who grew up in poverty. There were times in my childhood and young adulthood where I was denied food, education, heating in the winter, and healthcare when desperately ill, injured, or mentally ill. This is the norm in America unfortunately. I feel out of place in Australia. I feel panicky about money. I rarely feel secure, and it's always temporary. I'm constantly meeting people that take their affordable college education, inherited home, Medicare, and safety nets for granted. It messes with my head and leaves me feeling isolated. On top of this I am homesick but also petrified at the thought of returning to miserable wages ($7.25 an hour), no healthcare, unaffordable college. I currently live in one of the wealthiest places in Australia (unintentionally-place my partner could find work). My anxiety and depression has increased. We worked our butts off this year to build savings but I feel like I have a form of PTSD. I'm always scared, obsessed, and anxious about money. I've seen doctors and a psychologist and I feel they don't understand where I'm coming from. You can tell people something, but if they can't imagine having to live it, they're not going to get it. Has anyone else who grew up in poverty or scarcity found it difficult to relate to other people? Or isolating?

Louie95 Please Help Me
  • replies: 2

Hello, Ummm, to be truly honest I don’t know how to start this.... I guess it all started when I was 4/5, when my father met my step mother, it all went bad from there.... My mum and father went to court for custody of me, my mum won, but the stupid ... View more

Hello, Ummm, to be truly honest I don’t know how to start this.... I guess it all started when I was 4/5, when my father met my step mother, it all went bad from there.... My mum and father went to court for custody of me, my mum won, but the stupid courts made me go to my fathers every second weekend and every half of the school holidays.... my step mother had other children, from a past relationship, and once her and my father got together she was pregnant.... I’m not going to go into full detail, with what happened, but all I’m saying is that I was mentally and physically abused by my step mother, father, step siblings and half siblings.... my poor mum had to sometimes drag me to drop offs, I would always cry, I could tell it killed her, she always had to calm me down, cause I would be in big trouble if my father caught me crying.... when I turned 16, I thought to myself, I don’t need to see my father, I’m old enough to make my own decisions.... and I’m sure we can all guess how that turned out..... Yup, not good, my father, step mother and that side of the family turned up the mental abuse to 1000%, which made me break down a few times in year 12, which I couldn’t go to any of my classes.... That’s some of my past, I’m so glad my mum met my step dad, he’s been more of a dad to me, I even changed my last name to his, for Father’s Day last year. I’ve been feeling really bad these last couple of months, but the last few weeks it’s been getting worse. I’ve been cancelling appointments so I don’t have to leave the house, but then I feel so lonely.... I know I have family and friends that are there for me, but I’ve never felt this bad, like I’m so alone and that no one really cares.... I was actually feeling okay for a while, until the guy I was seeing, started messaging me bluntly and when we made plans, he didn’t turn up or message me, I told him how I was feeling and I got nothing in response, he just shrugged it off like I didn’t matter, it made me feel like I didn’t, I just wish he at least could of apologised. I feel silly, because I’m complaining about my petty problems, and I know that people have it much worse than I do. It’s kinda funny, even when I’m so down that no one can drag me back out, I’m still helping others.... I just wish that the smile I have, wasn’t always fake, I wish I actually felt what my face was portraying.... I feel like I’m letting everyone down, for feeling like this, I just don’t know what to do anymore.... Please Help Me

mj_danvers PTSD after sexual assault
  • replies: 3

I don’t really remember much of the details anymore. I was sexually assaulted by my step father. It took me awhile to come out and tell people but when I finally had told my mother she told me I was wrong and that I was imagining things. She also tol... View more

I don’t really remember much of the details anymore. I was sexually assaulted by my step father. It took me awhile to come out and tell people but when I finally had told my mother she told me I was wrong and that I was imagining things. She also told me not to tell anyone. And I didn’t for a long time. But when I thought that he was going to jail, I told my father. I was terrified. Anyway the point is that this experience has made me terrified for any kind of new relationships. I’m not really comfortable around males only my father and brothers. Because of this I cant sleep very well, I don’t do well with any forms of communication with people except family and friends that I knew before it happened. People can barely be around me because I can get upset and angry for no reason. Sometimes I just blast music through my earphones and ignore everyone because I just deal with people and the voices that tell me it’s my fault. The only people who believed me was my father and my two best friends. I don’t know what to do. Any where and everywhere I walk I am haunted my his memory, I just can’t get it out of my head. I honestly think that there is something wrong with me. I haven’t spoken to my mother in over year because she would rather me with him than her own daughter. I think everything is my fault because if I didn’t tell anyone I would still have my mother, baby brother and sister with me.

Guest_922 PTSD and dissociation
  • replies: 2

Hi I have PTSD. Mostly it’s controlled and I have developed techniques along the way thanks to my psychologist and go to help when reliving traumatic episodes. However, I find that I can talk sometimes to people about the trauma without any emotion a... View more

Hi I have PTSD. Mostly it’s controlled and I have developed techniques along the way thanks to my psychologist and go to help when reliving traumatic episodes. However, I find that I can talk sometimes to people about the trauma without any emotion at all. It is like I am talking about someone else and I can completely dissociate any emotion. It’s when I’m in control of the dialog and the when and where it comes up. People have often commented that I’m so calm and measured. I find it’s in complete contrast to the traumatic stress I can endure at night, or when I’m by myself. When I do have a flash back even though I know they happen at night and certain things will trigger it I’m surprised by how much fear and anxiety I experience over it and it takes days for me to recover yet during the day it’s almost (particularly at work) as if I’m a different person. I’m strong and in control. Can the two co exist? Is it something I have learnt to do to cope?

Mynameisnotimportant 22/f child sex abuse survivor - ptsd ruining my relationship with SO kids
  • replies: 5

I recently started counselling for the sexual abuse I endured at the hands of my father until I was 7. I am currently in the worst mental state I have ever been in. I have a partner with 2 daughters aged 4 and 6 who I love to bits but I cannot bring ... View more

I recently started counselling for the sexual abuse I endured at the hands of my father until I was 7. I am currently in the worst mental state I have ever been in. I have a partner with 2 daughters aged 4 and 6 who I love to bits but I cannot bring myself to be around them while their dad interacts with them. I have multiple panic attacks daily due to forcing myself to re-live the past after my father denied everything again recently - because I finally told his brother about what he had done. I have since blocked him out of my life (again) as I suffered a complete mental breakdown when this happened. The situation with my partner and his girls has gotten worse since then, I know that nothing is going on as I watch them like a hawk but my anxiety is through the roof as soon as it is our turn to have them. I have a panic attack when he gives them a bath, dresses them, reads them a story in bed, if they sit on his knee or he cuddles them on the couch. I physically cannot be around them together without having a meltdown anymore. I hate this whole situation - I hate that I'm making him feel weird about being a dad, I hate the thought of him putting distance between himself and his girls because of my unwarranted fears. I hate that it makes me snappy and feel sick every time he gives them a hug. We have been together for 2 years and I love him with every fibre of my being and I love his girls too, I just don't know howto shake this horrible horrible feeling that is ingrained into my bones. Dread. I didn't foresee this reaction, up until 5 months ago I was fine. Not great but ok. Now I hate myself more than ever because I'm letting him down. I don't know how much longer I can fall before I hit the bottom of this pit but it is killing me already.

grt123 Does PTSD, Depression lower intelligence?
  • replies: 11

My now former husband was a businessman. I've seen him negotiating 4 deals simultaneously and he had an encyclopedic knowledge of the world and history. But today I wouldn't trust him to address an envelope - he's just as likely to write his own addr... View more

My now former husband was a businessman. I've seen him negotiating 4 deals simultaneously and he had an encyclopedic knowledge of the world and history. But today I wouldn't trust him to address an envelope - he's just as likely to write his own address instead. He can't organise himself to make and attend a medical appointment, he can't follow conversations and has no common sense. His ability to drive is impaired - he misjudges gaps and his steering is exaggerated. This week I asked him to measure a table with a tape measure and he couldn't do it. His psychiatrist referred to a 'dramatic decline in function' which I understand could come from being overwhelmed and drugged up. But I am 100% sure this is permanent - it's like a brain injury. Can anyone explain this to me?