Terrified and feeling very alone, isolated

[Star2019]

Hi, I'm an expat living with my best friend. Things have become sour between us for many reasons. My reasons are he suffocates me, never respects when I say no, doesn't listen or respect my 'why's, he isolates me and when I try to say this is why I need space, to breathe, he becomes unhinged. Each day is drama at some point with him even though we go places, spend 18 hours a day (I can't be alone from him cus I'm his guest and we live rural so, I'm stuck!), We do everything together and yet he still needs a daily dose of drama. I have my 1 year old with me, too. I came to this country to heal from my traumas left in another country, he offered to support us.

Well, to deflect the issues I have with him and my sadness that's getting heavy from his weight on me, he began to complain about me, then yell at me. This has become 'often' and I usually walk away and take my baby into our room. This time, after saying I can't live with this anymore, I'll buy my ticket out of here then, he said Go. Not just that, he said pack your bags and now and go. I said I have nowhere to go. He became a monster. Raging for me to go, now, anywhere, into the rural Forrest with my baby for all he cared. Then, he called his sister saying I'm irrational and he wants me to stay.

Shes gets on the phone, hears what I have to say then I hand phone back to him. Next I know, they are BOTH telling me to pack and go NOW. She then told me she didn't believe her brother was abusing me, get out now, then each texted me to go, I am not welcome. They each k ow I am a domestic violence survivor, I was tortured in USA until I escaped, lived homeless for a year, I fought hard to prosecute me now ex. These 2 people who I trusted have retraumatized me now!!!

I called shelters and eventually my friend said to stay but now I'm so depressed and shock ip from that, indnt even want to come out my room cus when I do, I can't smile. Or we argue because I said him and his sister abused a very fragile person who I thought they loved us....who throws a best friend with baby out into the unknown?! No car, nothing.......and they each claim they never wanted us to go. Icing on cake, insane!! I got texts, I know what was said. Each refuse to apologise.

I smile for my baby and play with her, but he's shown her now what disfuction and depression is. What mummy looks like when she's being yelled at......and I stand up for myself but I'm terrified in this country, alone, now.

[Alexlisa]

Hello Star,

It sounds like you’re in a pretty frightening situation. Firstly, if you think you or your child are in danger please call the police for help.

I think it would be a good idea to get in touch with 1800RESPECT. They are the national organisation for domestic violence. They a 24 hour phone line on 1800 737 732 or online chat at 1800respect.org.au

They will be able to provide you with counselling and also find you services that will be able to help you to move out of your current situation. You might be feeling trapped where you currently are, but this organisation is there to help you work out how to break away safely if that’s what’s best. Please think about contacting them because you shouldn’t have to live in fear and under such stressful conditions. I can hear in your words that you’re frightened and that’s a pretty good sign that you should reach out for help. You’re being incredibly brave, I hope you know that.

Take care

Alexlisa