First time using a forum, seeing if this may help. I was physically and
emotionally abused by my parents from the age of 8, now 28. My dad was
worse, he would chase me around the house and corner me. My mum slapped
at me at times, never did anything ...
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First time using a forum, seeing if this may help. I was physically and
emotionally abused by my parents from the age of 8, now 28. My dad was
worse, he would chase me around the house and corner me. My mum slapped
at me at times, never did anything to stop my dad. I was always a bubbly
kid, sensitive but popular, loved people and my (extended) family. From
about the age of 12 I started to develop depression, withdrew from my
friends. By about the age of 14 I had MDD, severe generalised anxiety,
bulimia and suicidal thoughts. My dad would always scream at me when I
cried, or showed "negative" emotion so I held everything in and started
drinking excessively to deal with them to the point where I abused it.
At about 21 I'd finally had enough, I moved into my aunt's place. At
this point my dad started spreading lies about me to my extended family.
I don't know what he said but it was enough to make my nan (his mum) who
was my only positive relationship turn nasty on me. I was devastated.
That side of the family never knew what he was like, he was an "angel"
to them and at home he turned on me. Never my sisters. Moved interstate
not long after, still with MDD and anxiety. Since I've had a number of
jobs where I've been bullied, struggled to build relationships or
friendships because I'm so damaged and scared of people. I've on/off
been struggling with bulimia and anxiety won't go away. I've tried a few
psychologists but none have helped. I haven't spoken to my dad since I
left, my mum I've recently cut off from her complete insensitivity and
inability to be a mother. My dad and her are separated, only because he
left, which I hold against her. I desperately want to move on and have a
good life but everything I've tried has failed and now because of my
negative experiences I'm too scared to leave the house. I know in my
head these feelings aren't logical and I punish myself for acting this
way. I don't have anyone to support me, family or friends, my sisters
and i aren't close and my family has been turned against me. I just want
to heal but it's so hard with no support. Most days i think about not
wanting to be alive because i can't carry this anymore and I don't see
the fog lifting after 2 decades. Just wanting to vent a bit but also if
anyone has had a similar experience or advice would be welcome. It's
really difficult having no one understand, but i thought maybe in this
forum someone would.