PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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NanoCT Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the beginning
  • replies: 3

Hi, dears, I am a chronic patient, already over 10 years, I did not get rid of the voices. That was started after the PTSD injured caused by robbery happened at my 20th birthday. I have a good heart as people always told me. I am a good girl characte... View more

Hi, dears, I am a chronic patient, already over 10 years, I did not get rid of the voices. That was started after the PTSD injured caused by robbery happened at my 20th birthday. I have a good heart as people always told me. I am a good girl characteristic. Good in the musical instruments and art design during student, actively engaged in the school music festivals and won arts competition. I am a girl leader in schools. However, the Auditory hallucination with negative and depressive voices began after I finished my schools. I try to actively engage in the society but I felt discrimination and the auditory hallucination voices threatening me to be an active person. With the medication, the voices reduced to be the thought only when I am alone. Not voices anymore. Can anyone share their experiences with me for how to totally get rid of the voices disturbance? The reality is negative, a real-world is with sexuality and unrespectful, people wanted money, sex and power...... I cannot see real love. The voices made my health weak, very unhealthy. Finally, I went to Church last year. I wanted to get rid of the voices. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to engage in society positively. I wanted to be a healthy person. I wanted to help myself in order to help others. Thank you.

Katija My husband drinks to ...much
  • replies: 3

When my husband drinks he cannot handle his alcohol..He's not violent but he is depressive annoying and argumentative. It's a chore for me and is slowly making e sick. This has been going on for 5 years. He's decreased the amount of days a week but I... View more

When my husband drinks he cannot handle his alcohol..He's not violent but he is depressive annoying and argumentative. It's a chore for me and is slowly making e sick. This has been going on for 5 years. He's decreased the amount of days a week but I can't cope.. my some can't old it's simply to much. I don't know what to do or who to turn to.

hazygrey in need of a direction
  • replies: 4

Hello, I need to get my life back on track, in pretty much every area you can think of. Past trauma means I'm absolutely rubbish at talking about my problems.. I saw a counsellor once & that one session only cemented my views on what a bad idea it is... View more

Hello, I need to get my life back on track, in pretty much every area you can think of. Past trauma means I'm absolutely rubbish at talking about my problems.. I saw a counsellor once & that one session only cemented my views on what a bad idea it is to talk about your problems. So my question is how do you figure out what to focus on first? The stress, anxiety, long-term depression, sleeplessness, fear, the past trauma, the damage I'm doing to my relationship, the unemployment, or the body itself (in total need of an overhaul!) I had a beautiful doctor who I saw but she is no longer practicing and since I have severe whitecoat hypertension I would rather try and get through this without seeing a doctor. thankyou in advance x

She91 My boss tries to accuse me back when i reported that i was been sexually abused by a colleague
  • replies: 7

I work in a restaurant and one of my colleague touched and snapped my bra and i just walked of the work with my teary eyes. That night i finalised that i am no more working there and today my boss called me for my whereabout. I explained i am quittin... View more

I work in a restaurant and one of my colleague touched and snapped my bra and i just walked of the work with my teary eyes. That night i finalised that i am no more working there and today my boss called me for my whereabout. I explained i am quitting the job as i was been sexually abused by the man, and the owner was frowned at me when i used the word " Sexually Abuse" and he started to say that should not use that term and reminded me that it requires money to file a case. He even told me that people do this things for money and said there was an actor called Goffrey, where the alleged victim was accused back later. I am so disheartened to hear all this as i was looking for his support and he turn out to question me for my character and my money status. Well, i don't intend to file police case against that man as he seems to realise his action but the owner's way of dealing with the situation just to save his restaurant name and not caring for his employees was very unethical.

Basilcat Hidden Story
  • replies: 5

My story is kept hidden and I never let my guard down people think I'm confident, tough and come to me to sort everything (family and work colleagues) but I'm not I'm a complicated mess. Alcoholic father, verbally abusive, gas lighter. Looked after m... View more

My story is kept hidden and I never let my guard down people think I'm confident, tough and come to me to sort everything (family and work colleagues) but I'm not I'm a complicated mess. Alcoholic father, verbally abusive, gas lighter. Looked after my mother with MH from the age of 11 and my younger brother, mother remains dependent. Raped age 13 and abused by an older man. Suffered repeated violence from my first boyfriend. His violence caused the loss of our baby. I was aged 15. Married and settled 34 years had two kids cancer in 2008 survived. I have a good job and responsibilities but no one knows what goes on in my head. My father made me feel worthless all my life this year he died of liver failure. I said good bye 3 days before as he asked to talk to me he still didn't say he loved me, he never did. I think about ending the pain sometimes, sometimes I punch myself for being stupid and the rest of the time I am just lonely and sad. I have anxiety and occasionally panic attacks they used to be a lot worse. The anxiety presents as swallowing difficulty when eating. I also have anger spikes which turn into hating myself. I'm posting to ask how you leave the past behind? I've seen a therapist through the GP but it was worth what I paid not much. Thank you for reading this has been hard to write down but I figured unless I face up to the problems they are going to keep getting worse.

sparrowhawk Dealing with triggers
  • replies: 5

So I was diagnosed as having trauma after prolonged bullying/emotional abuse. I'm no longer in that situation and am getting professional help. The thing is that I am surrounded by triggers - people will simply say or do something that reminds me of ... View more

So I was diagnosed as having trauma after prolonged bullying/emotional abuse. I'm no longer in that situation and am getting professional help. The thing is that I am surrounded by triggers - people will simply say or do something that reminds me of what happened, send me into anxiety/tears. I even work with a very nice guy who is a huge trigger for me simply because of how he interacts with me. And of course sometimes flashbacks happen on their own. Maybe this is too personal a topic for people to respond to. People don't realise they trigger me - I have a very intuitive friend who has sort of clued in but sometimes she triggers me too. It's not their fault, they don't intend it. Every day something is bound to remind me of what happened and I hate it. Criticism, even constructive, is the worst. I can take criticism on its own, and before didn't worry so much about being criticised or corrected, but it is a massive trigger now, even if it's not a personal attack. Just wondering if anyone feels comfortable enough to share what they do.

rat17 Stripped of a life dream.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I write this post to hopefully see others experiences in this area. I was put into a situation where my employer/contractor was questioning my life and why I tried to commit suicide. As I truly believe in truth, I felt I have nothing to hide but ... View more

Hi, I write this post to hopefully see others experiences in this area. I was put into a situation where my employer/contractor was questioning my life and why I tried to commit suicide. As I truly believe in truth, I felt I have nothing to hide but the conversation became very heated, where this person believed that I did not try and commit suicide cause I did not succeed as she believes anything you do in life you succeed, and if I was real about it that I should go and do it, I became very angry fist punching the table and in absolute tears. It was a work Christmas party so alcohol was in play. The conversation came to a quick halt and by this time it was 4am in the morning and we had just stopped drinking. I no longer felt safe nor comfortable, so for the first time in my life I got in a car and drove for an 1 hour knowing I was over limit but I felt I was no longer safe and needed be somewhere that I would be. This all happen in December last year, by the time January rocked around I knew things were not all good. I shared a catering business with a person whom I thought was a friend. Late January got a phone call from my business partner stating she could no longer cope with what was happening which stemmed from Decembers event and that she wanted the business ceased as she wanted to save a friendship as well leave the woman whom we were contracted by as she could no longer cope with her controlling ways.. All her reasonings sounded factual and no reason for it not to be, so I agreed. Within 24 hours of this event, I lost my business, a friendship of over 15 years, and my lifes dream which took so long to a achieve. All my catering jobs gone, all business assets gone, to find out my ex-business partner had started a new catering business and continued working with the woman she so despised. Still to this day she works for this woman, all friendships I had created over my 2 years with this company were gone. People were told to have no contact with me. Today I struggle over the loss of friendships, and my passion for food. Some days are ok, but most is like mourning a loss so great as it was not easy to allow people into my life as dealing with BPD, PTSD, and depression is no baggage anyone wants to know about it. Wondering if anyone has experienced such loss.

CKS I miss my son dearly
  • replies: 6

When your family are embarrassed and even scared of our mental disorders... What does one do? How does one cope? My son ostracizes me! I know my addiction (alcohol) and my having CPTSD embarrasses him, but he could pop in once in a while and bring hi... View more

When your family are embarrassed and even scared of our mental disorders... What does one do? How does one cope? My son ostracizes me! I know my addiction (alcohol) and my having CPTSD embarrasses him, but he could pop in once in a while and bring his little princess to see me. I am a functioning alcoholic and only drink 4 glasses of wine at night. I am always sober during the day and am practically retired, so I have a lot of time on my hands. I wasn’t a perfect mother, but I am his mother. I brought him up very well and he used to love me. He left home at 22 and now he’s 35, married and father of a gorgeous little girl. About 5 years ago my sister told me that my son said these words to her “I hate my mother I literally hate my mother!” I wake up every day knowing that my darling son hates me! I have hardly seen him in the last decade. My hearts bleeds! Am I expecting too much? I know I am an addict and have mental disorders, but I feel I deserve some sort of respect & understanding? What are your thoughts? CKS

Wit_Send Can't cope anymore after 2 decades of struggling
  • replies: 5

First time using a forum, seeing if this may help. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents from the age of 8, now 28. My dad was worse, he would chase me around the house and corner me. My mum slapped at me at times, never did anything ... View more

First time using a forum, seeing if this may help. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents from the age of 8, now 28. My dad was worse, he would chase me around the house and corner me. My mum slapped at me at times, never did anything to stop my dad. I was always a bubbly kid, sensitive but popular, loved people and my (extended) family. From about the age of 12 I started to develop depression, withdrew from my friends. By about the age of 14 I had MDD, severe generalised anxiety, bulimia and suicidal thoughts. My dad would always scream at me when I cried, or showed "negative" emotion so I held everything in and started drinking excessively to deal with them to the point where I abused it. At about 21 I'd finally had enough, I moved into my aunt's place. At this point my dad started spreading lies about me to my extended family. I don't know what he said but it was enough to make my nan (his mum) who was my only positive relationship turn nasty on me. I was devastated. That side of the family never knew what he was like, he was an "angel" to them and at home he turned on me. Never my sisters. Moved interstate not long after, still with MDD and anxiety. Since I've had a number of jobs where I've been bullied, struggled to build relationships or friendships because I'm so damaged and scared of people. I've on/off been struggling with bulimia and anxiety won't go away. I've tried a few psychologists but none have helped. I haven't spoken to my dad since I left, my mum I've recently cut off from her complete insensitivity and inability to be a mother. My dad and her are separated, only because he left, which I hold against her. I desperately want to move on and have a good life but everything I've tried has failed and now because of my negative experiences I'm too scared to leave the house. I know in my head these feelings aren't logical and I punish myself for acting this way. I don't have anyone to support me, family or friends, my sisters and i aren't close and my family has been turned against me. I just want to heal but it's so hard with no support. Most days i think about not wanting to be alive because i can't carry this anymore and I don't see the fog lifting after 2 decades. Just wanting to vent a bit but also if anyone has had a similar experience or advice would be welcome. It's really difficult having no one understand, but i thought maybe in this forum someone would.

FreedomCat Depression - Anxiety - Seeking help
  • replies: 1

I have had depression for as long as I can remember.. well, more precisely since school holidays transitioning from year 6 to 7 (high school). My sisters long-term boyfriend who was staying at our house came into my room late at night and tried to to... View more

I have had depression for as long as I can remember.. well, more precisely since school holidays transitioning from year 6 to 7 (high school). My sisters long-term boyfriend who was staying at our house came into my room late at night and tried to touch me inappropriately. I told him to back off and nothing came of it. I did tell my family (I’m the youngest of 5) and shit hit the fan. My sister went to live with him after finding out - I guess she was very much in love, didn’t want to believe it was true, and didn’t want to live with my annoying ass family. Realistically, she was in her own depressed slumber and couldn’t get out. A few years later she did realise that he was a bad person. She came home to live with my family again - at the time I was a teenager and was certain I’d never forgive her. But I did about 6 months later cos at the end of the day, she was the cooler of two sisters! My eldest sister was a mega bitch, selfish and jealous. Nonetheless.. my sister took a downward spiral in continuing to make poor choices in men. She ended up with a prescription drug addiction from which was mostly a somatic disorder - believing she had heart issues she didn’t have. A bad doctor prescribed her medicine continually even though she shouldn’t have got it. She abused her body for over 7 years of prescription medication and ended up passing away from an overdose. She left behind her 10 year old daughter. We all saw her going downhill and she refused help. That was just over a year ago since she died. Prior to that one of my brothers tried committing suicide (a few times) and was admitted to hospital after a public arrest from attempted suicide. He’s now pretending his life is awesome. I have had crippling anxiety especially towards work for 6 years. I always prepare myself for the worst and go over scenarios with people before and after social encounters. I put my resignation in at work yesterday. My boss is giving me the cold shoulder. It’s making things way worse for my anxiety. At work they think it’s the ‘pinnacle’ of the industry in which I work, its difficult to get into, and frankly you can take it as easy as you want. I’m slightly more ambitious and hard working aside from my regular depression which I do my best to hide. I guess I thought I’d be better supported during my departure given that they said so many good things about me prior to my resignation.