Anyone decide no to counselling?

[TimTams]

Hello,

Sorry I have been using this forum a bit but am not sure who to consult. I have seen a counsellor this week and I did not leave feeling 'better'. I really did not like remembering what happened. I do not want to talk about what happened to me anymore. I do not want counselling anymore. Has anyone else decided this as well? I feel like I would rather hide the secret after my bad experiences with professionals in the past. I really did not enjoy counselling or remembering what happened.

[smallwolf]

Hi TimTams,

Might not be the answer you are looking for but I have not had that experience personally. Yet I do know someone who went once, and came out thinking the counsellor had no understanding of his problem and vowed never to go back. And he has not. Unfortunately his problem has remained. Yet it is possible there are people who could do it themselves? I don't know.

What I do know is that the relationship between counsellor and client contributes to the counselling process and healing - over whatever time it takes. The other thing is that the counsellor won't fix me or you in the space of a couple of sessions - it is a bit different to the seeing a GP and say getting some medication for a cough.

It is sad that you you have had no luck or good experiences with professionals. I am not sure what you were looking for in counsellor, but perhaps you could reflect on what went wrong and then you might be able to find that is compatible. And your list of requirements could be brought up with whoever you see?

Finally, there have been days when I come out of a session feeling worse, yet for me that is when I reflect on what we discussed. Now I know that I can write it down, and talk about next time. As for your secret, and depending on what it is doing to you, perhaps when you find the right one, you might feel comfortable in talking about it.

Tim

[geoff]

Hi Tim Tams, and appreciate Tim's reply and for 20 years I would not go without counselling until she finally left the clinic and moved away, and when I was coming out of my depression I had no one to see.

My doctor wanted me to see another person, which I did, but he was terrible, always believed that no one should take any medication for anything, not even headache tablets, and anything else he said went against everything my previous psychologist and I had discussed, so 2 sessions and that was it.

After this, I haven't seen anyone else, only because my depression has gone away, although I used to talk with my GP as his son was struggling through depression himself.

You need a backstop, someone professionally you can rely on because this illness is capable of making us have a relapse at any time, but this person has to be someone you are able to relate to, all questions and all answers are on the table.

Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi

My only poor experience with two relationship counselors has been their tendency to tread the middle ground too much instead of honing in on right and wrong.

For example, my first wife was lazy. I workd 3 jobs so she could be a stay at home mum but regardless I had to also do housework and feed our two children. I was breaking under the pressure. When in counseling I made it clear but neither of them addressed that issue firmly.

But in terms of therapy and talking about your past, I dont think we can be treated effectively without the therapist knowing where our behaviour came from.

I think in the long term Tim Tam, it will be worth the pain.

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi TimTams,

Thank you for your post. There's been some great advice here already so I'll try not to echo it too much.

The only thing I wanted to add is that it's totally okay if you feel like counselling isn't for you. Some people do generally decide that they don't want counselling for their trauma, and that's okay. It's hard to talk about things, especially if you've had bad experiences in the past.

I guess the difficulty though is that counselling both gives you an outlet and ways to cope. So if you decide to never get counselling, do you think you'll have enough tools in your belt to cope with whatever the trauma has brought up for you?

and as a sidenote, or something else to think about - you don't always have to talk about what happened and can see a counsellor anyway. There doesn't necesssarily have to be a constant rehashing of all these old memories - sometimes the counsellor can help you focus on the here and now, which can seem a bit easier to bear. This might be things like talking about your thoughts/beliefs or grounding exercises. The counsellor can always work with you with where you're at and what you're comfortable with.

Hope this helps