Dear justwanttobenormal,
Welcome to Beyond Blue, and well done for reaching out.
I too am a survivor or abuse and domestic violence, and I too used to think all the time about being someone else, somewhere else, doing something else, other than being me. I thought for a long time that if I was 'different' that it may not have happened ...... but you know what? It did happen. And today, I refuse to see myself as, what I now refer to as 'the V word' .... a victim. I am nobody's victim, and never will be again.
And you too, can be a survivor and a thriver. You're certainly not alone in what you have experienced, and neither are you alone in feeling and thinking the way that you are. We are all unique and what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for another.
I myself sought counseling for many years for what happened to me, and I found it to be very beneficial. but then I also found some diversional tactics to be helpful too ....... some things that might seem 'basic' and 'trivial' to others, but enough to distract my mind from hating me and telling me what a crap person I was. Some of those things were reading biography type of books of those who had been though similar things (there's also a book called 'Courage to Heal' which I found to be REALLY helpful), I would spend hours colouring in, of which the final result would give me mind something far prettier to focus on than the 'pictures' of the abuse that would circle around in my mind. I would go for walks and repeatedly remind myself to look at the sunny sky and the trees and to hear the birds ....... you can add or take whatever you want to the list of diversional activities.
The point is that you are not alone, and you most definitely ARE WORTH MORE!
I do hope that you can start to value yourself more, and soon. In the meantime, feel free to keep reaching out here. We are here for you. Take care. xo
