Healthy vs not Healthy thoughts or ideas

[Mudcakes]

Basically I feel sometimes the urge to look up people from my past or places to see how they are going. Like I know its bad but its like a curiosity thing too. I guess Im feeling lonely and since I did a load of like 10 weeks worth of in hospital mental health treatment, I wanna reconnect with people who maybe I misjudged or thought less of but was through the lens's of my anxiety. Issue is I also get ones of people from my past that looking at will distress me. Like damn, I get over thoughts and feelings about this one person and then I randomly just wanna see her damn smile, but she’s hurt me and the way her life has turned out is not what I expected. It’s not what I guess anyone expects wanting to reconnect after therapy to finally have that needed conversation with the girl you confessed your feelings to but never spoke over the phone to find out at 17 she’s expecting a kid. Or to hopefully reconnect with someone else who was special to me years ago to find out he’s basically an incel in the making. But yeah sorry topic changed, point is, is it bad or healthy to think or look people up from my past if its to see if my anxiety messed my view up at the time?

[Croix]

Dear Mudcakes~

Welcome again. I'm saddened yo have to expereince 10 weeks of in-hospital treatment for mental health issues. I hope that you have come out feeling htat it was worth while and your issues were heped or you are more able to cope with them.

After 10 weeks in a hospital environment I think just about anyone would be starved fro company. I know after 2-3 weeks I was.

You talked before about hte way your viewed people in hte past though the lens of anxiety and maybe treated them in a manner you did not wish as a result. I guess it might be a possibility in some cases, I'd not know. I do know I was mistrustful, did not enjoy company or avoided peple for that reason.

Now you are looking though another lens, the one of loneliness and this has prompted you to think in terms of recontacting people from the past. I'm not sure you can have one rule for everyone. If someone has treated you kindly and would enjoy reconnecting then that sounds all good. If it is someone that brings memories of unpleasant interactions to the fore then no, probably not a good idea.

Curiosity is a frail motive for looking, unless you are pretty certain you treated them in a way they did not deserve and importantly they will understand you may simply be in for an unnecessary unpleasant expereince.

It is neither bad nor unhealthy to turn over in your mind who from the past might be contacted, it is unhealthy to jump straight in  for all cases without considering each person and your history with them first.

If you can get the chance consider finding new acquaintances though mutual interests or organizations.

You will always be welcome here

Croix