I am an Aussie currenlty overseas waiting on paperwork for rescue dogs who never found a home, to return to Australia with us. We have 11 dogs.
Fifteen days ago, a large young dog, walked past our house in clear distress. He was a young dog, maybe a year old. He was pure skin and bones. I took him to the vet and they put him on a drip 2 days in a row, and gave him a shot of vitamins and painkilers straight to through the vein. The vet found sound ticks and becaues the dog had this head movement, he categorised that as a neurological response to a tick infection. He put him on antibiotics for 21 days. On day 14 his head movement got worse. I took him to another vet, they said it was distemper and that because of his head movement and being so malnourished, he would be unlikely to survive.
That night he had a terrible night, couldn't breathe, all night. I stayed with hiim but could not do anything. The next day was Saturday. He did not want to eat and collapsed in the cage I had him when he tried to get up to drink water. He tried to eat but his jaw was clentched and he could not eat. I called to find a vet to come home to put him to sleep, I did not want him to go through another night like that the night before.
I am in a rural town. No support system. Just my husband and I but my husbad was away for work, our only income is his. The vet came and before I could ask him about what was involved inthe procedure, he stabbed the dog with a needle straight to his skin and injected him with dedatives. I panicked because the dog already had trouble breathign and that made it worse. The dog stared to feel desperate, so did I. I had no vehicle to take him to a clinic so this guy just put another anesthetic same way and then put two needles in his heart AND I COULD NOT STOP ANY OF THIS, I was paralised like an idiot and then this guy try to hug me.
I cannot stop crying even now. This happned just over 24 hours ago and I can't stop myself screaming in pain, shame, regret., anger, disgussed towards myself. This was such a lovely beautiful young dog, he did not resist any of this THAT I PUT HIM THROUGH.
I feel gutted and have thought of taking my own life becuase I cannot stop relieving every minute of it, especially seeing that when he saw this guy, he got up and wagged its tail, even in the condition he was in. I put this animal through all this. I dont understand what happened to me, why didnt I react?
The moral pain is unbearable, I never thoughtt I would put an animal through somethign like that. It was my job to protect him and I DIDNT. I should be in jail for negligence. I dont know what to do to pay for this pain I caused him. I LOVED THIS DOG he deserved so much better from me. I am not looking for simpathy. I just want to scream everywhere what a piece of garbage I am as a human being. There is no excuse for my reaction to that guy. No excuse. I took the dog in to protect hiim and ended up causeing him more pain in his last moments. That is unbearable shame. Just unbearable. I feel like I am going insane. Why didnt I do anything why?!! OMG, why?!
