Fully stressed out with marriage and worried about newborn baby

[Gudia]

Hi,

i am new on this forum as well as in Australia. I am married for four years. Me and my husband had issues in the first year of our marriage but after that everything started going well. We started loving each other and happy with each other. Now we had our first baby just four months ago.

at the time of delivery my husband's parents came from overseas. I don't get along much with them. They have pushing and dominating nature. They made me terminate my first pregnancy just after my marriage. They never wanted me to have baby.

i don't like them much. Neither they like me. And my husband is a mumma's boy. He agree with his mom.

so now his parents came here for more than two months at my delivery and made my life hell. They all became a group including my husband and pushed me towards postnatal depression.

they are gone back to their home but they break our husband wife relationship. Now my husband believe that whatever happens in those two months we're only my mistake.

now my husband treats me very badly. He sometimes says that you should die.. he mentally abusing me.

I don't know what to do. I am trying to focus on my newborn baby but my husband gives me so much stress that I can't take care of my baby 100%.

his parents wants us to have divorce. My husband also wants the same but I am the only one who is trying to keep this marriage.

but sometimes I feel tired of doing efforts and tired of this mental abuse.

i don't know what to do. But for sure I am not thinking about suicide coz I want the love be for my baby. However my husband tried a lot to make me commit suicide but I didn't listen to him.

my biggest concern is that if something happens to me then is there a possibility that I can make a will saying that my baby should Iive with my husband or my family but not with my husbands family.

i am asking this because I know that if I die then my husband will not take care of my baby, he will give our baby to his sister and parents.

they are not nice people. They already killed one of my child. I don't want them to have my baby and then to kill later.

[white knight]

Hi Gudia, hello

Do you have a church you attend? Where you can get help.

If not then you need to contact human services to get some advice. You are being treated unfairly.

Yo uh can also ring Relationships Australia

Good luck

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Gudia~

I'm very sorry for your situation, it sounds terrible. You are in what's known as 'an abusive relationship'

Tony WK is spot on and has given you good advice.

Sometimes it is hard to know what is for the best, so I'd like to tell you of my marriage so that you have an idea of how things can be.

I was raised overseas in a very traditional family connected to society and the church. My mother was the strong one in the family and had everything her way, my father just went along with her. I thought this was ok as I had nothing to compare it to.

After I grew up I met a lady I wanted to marry. My family thought she was 'unsuitable' and forbade it. I married her anyway, knowing there would be trouble. I was right, they dis-inherited me.

That was the best thing that could have happened. I learned responsibility, to stand on my own feet, and to love someone. My wife died after 25 years of happy marriage.

It is a great pity your husband does not realize that his wife and the child are the most important things in his world - not his family.

To be told by a husband that you should die means there is no marriage, just a toxic relationship.

You are trying to keep the marriage together. I'm surprised, he does not sound like anybody I'd like to be around my child. You love your baby and need to keep baby safe. It is a great pity his parents had so much influence early on with your first pregnancy.

I'm not sure you could make a will that says what will happen to your child - as far as I know only the Family Court can do that.

Please get help, you need people with experience and advice.

As Tony says, try Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 and Human Services to let you know what your entitlements may be. You could also ring our 24/7 help line on 1300 224 636. Anglicare on 1800 243 232 is another to contact.

Please take care of yourself. You can post again whenever you like to talk more.

Croix

[CJs_mum]

oh my god, that is terrible! Get out quick! Find someone you can trust - a friend or mums group, charity or refuge or someone you can talk to to get out of there before it hurts too much you can't look after the baby or yourself at all. What the hell, what a horrible thing. You deserve better and need better from others. You and the baby need to be safe. I am praying (though not religious) for you and hoping you'll pull throughh this awful relationship. He has no right to do that to you - he is abusive and you are in a bad relationship. Im so sorry to say that and sorry to hear of your difficult time. I hope there is a way you can heal and help yourself and your baby. Please seek help!

[CJs_mum]

Yep, do as Tony says or google your states refuges, charities and so forth...if in Victoria or WA i can help with some numbers. Let us know.
And please keep posting here to let us now youre safe.

[Becstar]

Hi Gudia,

How are you? I hope your doing ok? is it possible for you to post on this forum again and update everyone on how you and your baby have been? sending big hugs and prayers to you Xoxoxo

[Gudia]

Hello people who read my thread and respond back.

i am still standing on the same edge of my life. At one stage I felt that things are getting better.

but today my husband told me that he is moving out.

i can't explain how hurt I am. I can't stop crying.

i know he want separation from me but I don't.

i still love him. There are many things which made him to take this decision.

one of them is that we don't live in the same room. Since his parents went back overseas, he is sleeping in other room and I sleep in other room.

he says that he is not getting anything from this marriage.

i don't know what to do. I want him to stay back and live a happy life with me which we had before his parents came.

i can't imagine living without him. Not just because of my baby but coz I want him for myself.

i love him.

I am standing at a position where my mind stopped working. I don't know what to do.

i don't feel complete without him.

we need marriage counselling but he is not ready to go for any counselling.

someone plz suggest what should I do??

[monkey_magic]

Hi gudia,

U may " love" him but he was making u and the baby unsafe. He also didn't stop the termination of your first pregnancy. It sounds like he is letting his parents make the decisions in your marriage.

Gudia, he put u & the babies life at risk and scared you. And by the sounds of things he doesn't really care about this baby as you said in an earlier post he would give it to his parents or his sister.

Do u really want to be with a. " selfish" man with a " bad" streak.

U sound like a smart woman. Don't u think u and the baby are better off without this man that could hurt u?

Only u can make the best decision for yourself, but I would feel better if this man left.....

I would let him leave and I would never want him back!

[Carla09]

Hi Gudia,

having a newborn is very stressful and ad mothers we are often very insecure about our abilities.. i also suffered postnatal depression with my second child...however, i was lucky to have my patents and husband to support me and remind me of all the things i was doing right..

is it possible to have your parents visit until you are feeling better...just having the unconditional support so you can concentrate on your baby...and not worry so much about what your husband says..he is perhaps immature and cannot understand that this is a very emotional time for you...

my husband slept in another room with our newborn children as well...but that was because I worried that is he didn't sleep properly he would crash the car on his long drives to work and back...so,I don't think sleeping in a different room during the initial stages is bad...