Don't really know.

[Treejaydoo]

Hi guys, I'm really struggling today. My children woke me up early which hasnt helped. I cry myself to sleep most nights, my kids are always fighting and I just want to walk out on them. Their dad gave up with them a while ago, doesn't speak to them. Maybe I parent out of resentment. It wasn't a good marriage, he isolated me from friends, sexually abused me and wouldn't let me leave the house. Its been 5 years since we split, he had a partner a month after we split and the two of them have dragged me to court for the last 4 years as a way to exhaust me, I always gave them what the wanted. My partner of a year has been helpful, but I feel like I'm sabotaging our relationship because I've got all these codependency habits. I have my own house now, wonderful family that support me. I put on a lot of weight over the last few years and suddenly I feel crap about myself every night. My dv councellor was no help, my kids all have supports, I have 2 good friends I can talk to. Why am I getting these horrible feelings and bad thoughts in my head when things are finally going okay for me? I don't even know what the point of this post is. .y mental health was used against me in family court, I can't even seek help or its used against me somehow. I worry that when me kids are older, I'll have no point in this world.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Treejaydoo,

Wishing you a very warm welcome to our friendly online community, we are so grateful that you decided to reach out and be so open and honest in sharing your journey with us. We are so sorry to hear about what you've been through with your former partner- no one should ever have to go through abuse and feel unsafe in their own home. We think you are such a strong person to have come through so much, and we are glad to hear that you have your own place and a wonderful family that support you. But we can hear that you've really been struggling lately, and feeling overwhelming with these intense thoughts and feelings, which must be even more difficult when you feel you cannot reach out for help. But please know that you do not have to do this alone. This a safe and non-judgemental space to express your true feelings, and our community are here to help support you through this.

We'd also really encourage you to reach out to the friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are available to you 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport All calls and chats are confidential, and they can help offer support, advice and referrals that may be able to help during this really difficult time. Our friends at 1800RESPECT also offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely, supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation, and can be contacted anytime on 1800 737 732 or at: https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 
 
In addition to this, our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are also available to you anytime- day or night- whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with. You never have to keep these feelings bottled up inside.

Thanks again for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer. 

[missep123]

Hi Treejaydoo,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through all of that. Especially with the court battles (I can understand that would be so very exhausting). Being a parent is extremely difficult and a demanding job, from what you wrote I can see that you care about your children and love them very much but at the same time you are very tired. You mentioned your support system and I am so glad to hear that you have two close friends to talk to and you have your new partner. Sophie above mentioned 1800 respect which may be a very helpful service to you, would you be comfortable to speak to them? I hope that you can get the support that you need, it was really sad to read that your mental health was used against you. We are here for you though Treejaydoo and I hope that you can feel it comforting to be able to post here and we can keep chatting with you

We are definitely here for you