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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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HealingTheSoul Will I Ever Overcome This Depression?
  • replies: 3

Where to begin, this is my first time posting on this online forum and I find it difficult to even write down my feelings as I feel that for the first time in a long time I am acknowledging them. Living with trauma depression, accompanied by social a... View more

Where to begin, this is my first time posting on this online forum and I find it difficult to even write down my feelings as I feel that for the first time in a long time I am acknowledging them. Living with trauma depression, accompanied by social anxiety is extremely difficulty. I find myself constantly worried about what everyone is thinking with the never ending question "Where will I end up in my life?" From a young age, I was abused by my father both mentally and physically while spending each night praying and asking for my mum to leave him. At the age of 12, everything came crashing down when the police came and took my father away as my mum finally got the courage to go into the police station with myself and younger brother. From then my depression spiraled out of control as I was 12 years old, never going to school, self-harming and eventually landing myself in hospital for my second suicide attempt at the age of 14. From there I spent time in hospital in a children's ward for my own safety, although I eventually came out of it by choosing to leave school and complete my year 10 at TAFE. Although I did not have a formal education, I continued to pursue my dreams of becoming an educator, completing my Certificate III, Diploma and finally obtaining my Bachelor of Early Childhood Education and Care. After working, last week I left my job due to the work culture as I felt I was not supported and their was constant bitching about fellow staff members. With this, my depression and trauma resurfaced, while thinking to myself "Is this workplace culture good for my own mental health?" In reality, I knew it was not as both my mind, body and heart knew, and I immediately left without giving my 2 weeks notice which I feel horrible about. Before making this decision I did speak about how I was feeling, as well as explaining my current feelings of depression, thinking to myself "Maybe they can provide assistance or additional support?" With that question being asked, I then knew I was completely wrong based on the response. As I am sitting here now I find myself myself thinking "Will my depression be a constant struggle?" and "Maybe I wont get anywhere in life?"

falldown7timesstandup8 Broken and tired
  • replies: 3

Hello I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD, stemming from childhood abuse and neglect as well as being sexually assaulted twice by a "friend" as a young teen. I have a serious problem with coming back to reality when i get in, what i like... View more

Hello I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD, stemming from childhood abuse and neglect as well as being sexually assaulted twice by a "friend" as a young teen. I have a serious problem with coming back to reality when i get in, what i like to call fight or flight. I generally end up having a massive anxiety attack or sometimes, if I cant get control of that. Ill harm myself. Throughout my early 20's, at night clubs particularly, if a random guy would even just stare at me too long, I would without fail, become aggressive. I would instantly become fearful and thats when the fight or flight would come in, how ever, when it comes to men, its generally fight. The most frustrating part about all of this is i KNOW and can FEEL an episode arising and I KNOW that kind of behaviour is completely wrong, but back then, I couldnt control myself. I wanted these men to stop and leave me alone and just lacked the patience completely if they didnt listen straight away. I would just lose it, a handful of times I have turned around and used violence towards a guy for being grabby toward me, or if a guy sat down next to me i asked him to please move away, if he didnt listen that instant, the anger would just completely take over me. I did this for years. even today, i find myself grasping some what of control as I am a mum now of a three year old and i dont want to be this angry person anymore, But unfortunately recently and over the past few years I have been hurting myself through self harm, binge eating, bulemia, over exercising. I dont have parents.. sorry.. I do have parents but I havent spoken to neither of them since i was 33 weeks pregnant, because that was the day my mother assaulted me at my baby shower. She also assaulted my friends and other family members who were trying to protect my unborn child. My relationship with my parents was broken from a young age, but was destroyed when I asked for their support when I'd been raped. According to them I was a slut and probably drank too much.. I was 16 years old. I carry a lot of anger and resentment and even writing this has made me so angry. I am still on the waiting list to see a therapist but I just thought id try here.. maybe itll help. thank you so much for reading.

Sun_Rain Venting
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have a diagnosis of PTSD and I have been partaking in emdr for almost 18 months which has been incredibly helpful. Over the last few months I have been doing really well and generally feeling good. On Saturday I heard a particular sound whil... View more

Hello, I have a diagnosis of PTSD and I have been partaking in emdr for almost 18 months which has been incredibly helpful. Over the last few months I have been doing really well and generally feeling good. On Saturday I heard a particular sound while at a cafe that triggered me. My hands were so shaky that i split bpiling hot tea down my front and created a right old scene 🤦‍.Two days later I feel irritable, withdrawn, confusedand I have had two nights of unpleasant dreams. I understand why I feel this way, I guess I just need to get it off my chest. I'm trying not to believe that I have gone "backwards" per say, though easier said than done ! Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent :).

TheBigBlue How do I tell the psychiatrist? Help!
  • replies: 11

Hi All, I’ve had about 3 appointments in person & 1 video call & 1 phone call during the initial Covid peak with a psychiatrist. Now the psychiatrist is male, which makes me quite uncomfortable to discuss certain things. He knows there was sexual abu... View more

Hi All, I’ve had about 3 appointments in person & 1 video call & 1 phone call during the initial Covid peak with a psychiatrist. Now the psychiatrist is male, which makes me quite uncomfortable to discuss certain things. He knows there was sexual abuse when I was a child but I can’t tell him the full story. As the childhood incidents were with a male medical professional for a completely unrelated medical condition, I just feel like if I talk about it with a male I am planting the idea in other people’s head to do the same. And I’m already triggered before even going into each session because I literally relive the trauma every time I sit in a waiting room & I feel & experience all the things I felt as a terrified little girl sitting in the waiting room to see the evil doctor. On top of that, I feel extreme shame about the whole thing & I worry my feelings are an overreaction & people will think I am stupid for feeling the way I do. my psychologist is female & while it was difficult, I have been able to discuss with her all that happened. Last session with her I told how the psychiatrist was really confused because he didn’t have the whole story. The psychologist asked if I wanted her to write to him about the situation. I said yes & felt great relief, but asked that she did not copy in my entire medical team (like she has with her previous updates). Honestly, my endocrinologist & diabetes educator do not need to know this stuff. Then she got hesitant saying she could write just to him but couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t share the information with my medical team. i can’t bring myself to tell him in person, so she suggested writing it down on a piece of paper, having him read it & then ask for the paper back. But honestly this terrifies me even more. Just thinking about sitting there in uncomfortable silence while he reads my letter sounds like the most excruciating, shameful & uncomfortable experience. I am burning with shame just thinking about it. How do I bring up the courage to either tell him or write it down for him? I am terrified. Appointment is a week away but I’m freaked about it already.

NoHope8 Psychiatrist visit
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I tried a psychiatrist...first time in 15 years or so..after many psychologists...and I'm trying to digest her. She offered no smile, no welcome,...stony face...she asked good questions....and went into childhood...not quite what I wanted t... View more

Hi there, I tried a psychiatrist...first time in 15 years or so..after many psychologists...and I'm trying to digest her. She offered no smile, no welcome,...stony face...she asked good questions....and went into childhood...not quite what I wanted to deal with... I wanted to deal with losing my children...but thats fine and good..it's all interconnected.... I'm just unsure whether I can stomach going to someone who won't connect with me...I tried small talk afterward and she just said it sounds like you are trying to get my approval...fair call...I was trying to relate...I don't know...is this normal...I just felt disapproved of...or judged. Probably my paranoia I'm sure... I just felt nothing except a stone wall ... I just wonder where she is going and whether I can cope with that stony face again, there was no real goodbye, have a nice day...just nothing. It's hard enough for me to talk through everything I have had to go through..it's very complex and tiring...

Agenderandproudofit My Story/Introduction
  • replies: 3

Hi, i'm agender, 21 just have to say whoever reads this some stuff that i've written is disturbing. I was born as a boy. i was raised pretty much by my father for the first 10 years of my life as my mother was a cop 24/7 then studyed for a few years ... View more

Hi, i'm agender, 21 just have to say whoever reads this some stuff that i've written is disturbing. I was born as a boy. i was raised pretty much by my father for the first 10 years of my life as my mother was a cop 24/7 then studyed for a few years at night school to be a teacher, my relationship with her from age 10 til now isn't good and has been deteriorating more each year. Growing up with my dad around was horrible he did drugs, smoked/drank heavily, was always out at parties leaving me alone at home plus i was physically abused by him from age 6 to 15 for reasons that i still have no idea why even today which as a result left me with PTSD. I was diagnosed with mild Autism at the age of 3 from then til age 15 i had a countless number of speech therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists etc. School whether if it was primary or high was very traumatic had hardly any friends (only 1) i was bullied heavily and physically abused by teachers and students. From age 10 til now my life's been a misery i did drugs from age 10 to 21. I was an alcoholic for a while, i decided at one point that i had to go to rehab which did wonders and i've been off drugs and alcohol since then. But after wrecking my brain with the drugs and alcohol over that long period of time i've noticed that i hulicinate, can't walk properly (straight) and that i always make quiet random noises and talk to myself without thinking it. I'm also suicidal my last attempt was last month as a result i lost my relationship with my second family as soon as i told them, i always call helplines when i feel suicidal. Just to finish it off i've now got no friends and don't talk to my family at all, whoever reads this and can relate to this just know that you're not alone.

Universling Not coping today
  • replies: 14

Been triggered all day today. Couldn't relax. Started panicking. Felt so abused and so powerless. This trigger happened and it continued to cause me stress all day. I'm still trying to relax. I got angry with the trigger, I had verbal outbursts, I go... View more

Been triggered all day today. Couldn't relax. Started panicking. Felt so abused and so powerless. This trigger happened and it continued to cause me stress all day. I'm still trying to relax. I got angry with the trigger, I had verbal outbursts, I got scared and I felt alone and powerless and defeated and it ruined my whole day. I feel like I've been thrown around all day. I have a mental health plan I got from my doctor but I never followed up with it because this other counsellor rang me but she is a womens health counsellor and I really need to see the psychologist on the plan who can help me with this. This is not something I can cope with. When I'm not triggered, I'm fine. But the trigger is something unavoidable at the moment so I'm having really bad reactions to it. I definitely want to see the psychologist now as its gotten to that stage. I will put on a nice movie to take my mind off this horrible day I have had all day. I just want to cry and I am not one to cry easily anymore, even when I need to. I was so stressed from this horrible trigger all day that I couldn't sit just distract myself with something else as it was impossible to concentrate on anything else. The trigger reaction was so huge. I am hanging in there to see this psychologist. And if I keep having this trigger reaction I probably need some medication to calm me down to feel safe again. I don't feel safe when I am triggered. I get really scared. Its awful.

noella99 Acknowledging trauma & trying to find community support (Trigger Warning: Emotional Abuse & Anxiety)
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, It feels like it's been ages since the last time I posted anything on the forum. I still find myself fall into a hole of constant fear, guilt, and anxiety. I've left a shared flat where I had a very hard time with an emotionally abusive ... View more

Hi everyone, It feels like it's been ages since the last time I posted anything on the forum. I still find myself fall into a hole of constant fear, guilt, and anxiety. I've left a shared flat where I had a very hard time with an emotionally abusive friend/housemate. I still find it hard to refer to them as an abusive person. I can't wrap my head around it. I even feel bad when referring to them as emotionally abusive whenever I talk to my doctor or my counselor about them, trying to rationalize what they did because I equally made mistakes back then too. It makes it hard for me to find peace in myself. I've recently had a really bad anxiety attack that led to days of me being on edge, physically in pain, and under high stress. It was triggered by something that I've watched that really reminded me of that person. I remembered crying to the point that I had a hard time breathing, my whole body numb, and I was unable to sleep because my muscle was all tense. I genuinely thought I've finally able to move on from that traumatic point of my life yet I still doubt myself. I still feel this way, hurt, and afraid. Most of all, guilty. I feel guilty thinking of all the mistakes I did. Maybe I could've done things better. I don't know. Even when I think about the things they've done to me (gaslighting me, putting me down, twisting my words), I still think back to moments of kindness that they've done to me. I feel conflicted and fear of facing other people too. I don't know where to find community support for this kind of stuff. I'd like to find healthier ways to cope through, find people to talk to who can relate to my situation. Thank you for reading my post this far. I'd love to hear any suggestions or any replies really. Grateful for any form of support.

chunny PTSD was triggered
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am new here, and was diagnosed PTSD earlier this year, and when i thought everything is going well, it was triggered suddenly. And I've started being so upset and having lots of negative thoughts. The reason I triggered is I saw heaps of gu... View more

Hi all, I am new here, and was diagnosed PTSD earlier this year, and when i thought everything is going well, it was triggered suddenly. And I've started being so upset and having lots of negative thoughts. The reason I triggered is I saw heaps of guys seeing girls who have experienced raped or sexual harassment are trash or they are faking it. As my PTSD was caused by sexual harassment those post just make me feel more depressed and hopeless, also I lost all the confidences I gain back through out last few months. I don't know what i can do anymore.

Grant_Dad Help with partner, PRSD and depression cycles
  • replies: 1

Hi there, First time poster, long time reader. My partner suffers from PTSD, depression and anxiety. It comes in a cycles mildly monthly, but heavily 3 months and 6 months. Complete shut down, sadness and wanting to be alone. At first I was defensive... View more

Hi there, First time poster, long time reader. My partner suffers from PTSD, depression and anxiety. It comes in a cycles mildly monthly, but heavily 3 months and 6 months. Complete shut down, sadness and wanting to be alone. At first I was defensive and tried to keep her etc, but I have learned that patience is key and that little contact during these times snaps her out of it. The problem is she then has another bout of anxiety thinking I will leave her or not put up with it etc. She was seeing a psych, but only about other issues not this. We feel the monthly one is PMSD related as she no longer has periods due to an operation after having kids, we feel she still has the symptoms of period. The cycle is predictable but never welcoming, I too suffer from anxiety and occasional depression so I try and be strong during this time. We now live together and it's been great until 'the cycle' comes. Withdrawn, sad, pushes everyone away especially me, loss of direction, shuts down as a parent. Its heartbreaking to witness. We agreed some space will help, so she has gone for a few days and we have kept contact minimal. Its what worked last time. Its almost a bipolar personality, she completely changes. Facial expression, libido, everything. My question to the forum is do any of you have this cycle happen? How can we address it?