Help with partner, PRSD and depression cycles

[Grant_Dad]

Hi there,

First time poster, long time reader.

My partner suffers from PTSD, depression and anxiety. It comes in a cycles mildly monthly, but heavily 3 months and 6 months. Complete shut down, sadness and wanting to be alone. At first I was defensive and tried to keep her etc, but I have learned that patience is key and that little contact during these times snaps her out of it. The problem is she then has another bout of anxiety thinking I will leave her or not put up with it etc.

She was seeing a psych, but only about other issues not this. We feel the monthly one is PMSD related as she no longer has periods due to an operation after having kids, we feel she still has the symptoms of period.

The cycle is predictable but never welcoming, I too suffer from anxiety and occasional depression so I try and be strong during this time.

We now live together and it's been great until 'the cycle' comes. Withdrawn, sad, pushes everyone away especially me, loss of direction, shuts down as a parent. Its heartbreaking to witness.

We agreed some space will help, so she has gone for a few days and we have kept contact minimal. Its what worked last time.

Its almost a bipolar personality, she completely changes. Facial expression, libido, everything.

My question to the forum is do any of you have this cycle happen? How can we address it?

[Croix]

Dear Grant_Dad~

Welcome here to the Forum, I'm glad you have been reading in this place over time, it may make it easier now you have spoken out.

I have been a male sufferer from PTSD, depression bouts and constant anxiety, which came in waves not necessarily regularly. I wanted to withdraw, had no mental capacity left to interact even with those I loved, and was not sure about anything, myself induced.

Even so the worry I was driving everyone away by my behavior as well as hurting them was very real and constant.

Eventually I had the correct medical help and things improved out of sight. I lead a pretty good life nowadays.

The two things that stand out from your post are firstly that you partner is not being treated for some major problems, and if these are not taken into account will probably hamper the good that is being done by her existing medical support. Until I was completely frank and disclosed all my problems treatment only marginally helped.

Can you persuade your partner to tell her psych her full history? It may be the most productive thing you can do for her.

I can't speak about separation, I just wanted a quiet room. I'd imagine it might make her worry more about driving you away, but that is just a guess.

Now secondly you mentioned you have anxiety and depression. May I ask what support is there for you? After all you are undergoing a long term high stress and worry situation.

I wonder if you are under medical care yourself, you would not want you conditions to worsen due to the strain you are under. Also is there anyone, family or friend, to give you personal support, listen, offer perspective, and maybe even practical help?

This makes a huge difference if there is such a person.

I hope to hear from you again

Croix