PTSD and Trauma

Trigger Warning Child Sexual Abuse I was abused when I was 8 and don't know how to feel

replies: 3

Hi um I never have done something like this before so I don't really know What I'm doing but I just need to get it out because I feel like it will help My mum and dad were friends with these people how had a son who is about 4 years older then me and... View more

Hi um I never have done something like this before so I don't really know What I'm doing but I just need to get it out because I feel like it will help My mum and dad were friends with these people how had a son who is about 4 years older then me and when I was little he would come up and force me to Kiss him with lips and inappropriate sexual activity. One day my mum saw heard that he was missing me and talked to me She said where did he kiss you and then I said on the check she said anywhere Else would of been inappropriate we stopped visiting them but it's cause we moved to Bowen I think that's how it was spelt When I was at Bowen we had these nabours It was a mum a girl in yr 8 at the time And her very little sister who would never were clothing just undies that's not Important but so we had a small fake plastic house thing and when she would jump the Fence into our house she would take me in there and kiss me and Make me touch her intimately and then act all normal My mum and dad loved her I Rember once she drew my dad and his nostrils looked Weird in the drawing it's weird how you Rember random details So yea I don't know what to say now um if U need to talk I'll listen and Have a good life things get hard and like sometimes they don't get better But um yea keep going I know it's hard I love and support you

Introduction - Hello Everyone

replies: 977

Hi all, I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. De... View more

Hi all, I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Depression feels very lonely for me. I'd like to reach out for some support. Thank you.

Tired

replies: 314

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent m... View more

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days. Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

PTSD stops me from being able to eat - should I seek help?

replies: 3

I'll try and make this short and sweet. I've recently undergone 4 of therapy to deal with my CPTSD and anxiety disorder. I've made massive progress and feel so much better. However, I am still struggling when it comes to food. I rarely eat and when I... View more

I'll try and make this short and sweet. I've recently undergone 4 of therapy to deal with my CPTSD and anxiety disorder. I've made massive progress and feel so much better. However, I am still struggling when it comes to food. I rarely eat and when I do, it's small snacks or fruit. I never really feel hungry but when I am, I spend hours trying to build up the courage to go into the kitchen and cook myself something. I have had a lot of trauma related incidents in the past relating to food, including having to only drink tea 10 times a day because there was no food in the house. Even though I dont eat much, I've gained almost 30kgs over the 4 or so years I've stopped drugs. I'm worried about my health but I really struggle to get past this hurdle. I dont know if I should see someone about it or if its just a matter of forcing myself.... thanks for any advice or input.

I have no one

replies: 8

My kids hate me. I came from childhood trauma. I don’t think I should have had kids. I don’t show emotions well. I experienced multiple episodes of sexual abuse as a teen and my kids when they reached the age I was abused have triggered me repeatedly... View more

My kids hate me. I came from childhood trauma. I don’t think I should have had kids. I don’t show emotions well. I experienced multiple episodes of sexual abuse as a teen and my kids when they reached the age I was abused have triggered me repeatedly with flashbacks and nightmares. I’ve sought years of help, just stopped the suicide attempts. Now their young adults and ready to leave. I have cut off all contact with all others and when they go don’t see a point in any real existence. I have bipolar and ptsd and I live for my pets but one is old and I am tired. What the point. My kids call me fat and awful names and have told me they want me to commit suicide. I feel just sad and really what am I here for?

How will I know I've changed?

replies: 10

Hi everyone. So on the brink of divorce after 11 years of marriage, in literally the space of 30 seconds after reading one particular article, I came to realise, genuinely for the first time, that I've been abusive to my wife, the woman I love. It sh... View more

Hi everyone. So on the brink of divorce after 11 years of marriage, in literally the space of 30 seconds after reading one particular article, I came to realise, genuinely for the first time, that I've been abusive to my wife, the woman I love. It should have been bleeding obvious, but I couldn't see it, despite my wife trying to tell me for years. In a moment, the entire way I saw myself and my marriage fell apart. That was Monday. On Tuesday, I started realising that may not be all of it, and started digging further into my memories and my behaviours. On Wednesday, I came to realise it's been all through our marriage. I wanted her to conform to what I wanted her to be, and would try and steer her away from things she wanted if they didn't fit into my image of our life together. Today is Saturday, and I realised during our separation I've also been very jealous, thinking a lot about where my wife is and wondering who she's spending time with. My wife is safe now, but I'm really in peices, totally unsure of anything. That's a good thing, I need to be questioning everything about me if I'm ever going to change. I'm scared about one thing above everything else though: I successfully fooled myself completely for the last 11 years. In my mind, I was a patient, caring, devoted husband, who went to extraordinary lengths for my wife as she worked through the pain of her own childhood trauma, something we had in common. My wife was my first kiss, first everything. She was, to me, the centre of my life, yet I deluded myself the entire time. I lied to myself fundamentally about who I was, and the very core of my behaviour and attitudes towards the most important person in my life. Why couldn't I see it? How will I ever know if I've really changed, if I'm safe to be in a relationship again, if I can deceive myself so well? How will I know I'm not doing it again? Any and all thoughts are appreciated.

PTSD from DV and possibly from bullying

replies: 4

I have PTSD from dv and pretty much anything that reminds me of my father triggers me. I tried holding in a massive panic attack in a taxi as the taxi’s menu setting was the same as my Father’s car. I had to shut my eyes the whole hour. And then hour... View more

I have PTSD from dv and pretty much anything that reminds me of my father triggers me. I tried holding in a massive panic attack in a taxi as the taxi’s menu setting was the same as my Father’s car. I had to shut my eyes the whole hour. And then hour back. I could not breath for like hours after and been scared in a taxi since. I use uber but they are being weird. My mum can’t say certain words like nicknames for our dog as that triggers me also. Black bags. Tall men yelling. The bullying, well on my anxiety thread I go into detail. So I guess I just wanted to start a thread here for support when I have panic attacks etc. Mudcakes ‍🦺

C-PTSD from abusive Ex - how to over-come negative self-talk/thoughts?

replies: 2

Hi All. It's been over 4 months since I got the courage to leave my ex partner who was quite emotionally abusive. It's been a extremely tough journey and the days are becoming much better. My biggest achievements so far are committing and learning to... View more

Hi All. It's been over 4 months since I got the courage to leave my ex partner who was quite emotionally abusive. It's been a extremely tough journey and the days are becoming much better. My biggest achievements so far are committing and learning to value myself. My main focus at the moment is to become happier every single day, understandably, some days are rough and I'm struggling with negative self-talk/thoughts. Wondering if anyone can share successful techniques used to over-come negative self-talk/thoughts.

New diagnosis- DID. kinda scared.

replies: 3

I just found out I got diagnosed with DID. I was admitted to the psych unit today and got told my last psychiatrist visit they had diagnosed me with it. Not even telling me. I thought I may have have some dissociative disorder but a diagnosis of this... View more

I just found out I got diagnosed with DID. I was admitted to the psych unit today and got told my last psychiatrist visit they had diagnosed me with it. Not even telling me. I thought I may have have some dissociative disorder but a diagnosis of this is scary. Why do you do. How do you get better. I've always just had a diagnosis of bpd and depression. We managed to keep our units (or that's what I call each of us) hidden mostly. But now we are out it hard. Will we be accepted. Will we be treatable. I'm already so hopeless and stuck. Where to from here? Does anyone have DID that wants to share any thoughts, about anything.

parents

replies: 2

my parents keep yelling at me and bringing me down for no reason whatsoever and I'm so tired of it. I just want to run away from home.

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Trigger Warning Child Sexual Abuse I was abused when I was 8 and don't know how to feel

replies: 3