Cannot Let Go

[Artfuldodger]

70 years have on yet still I am mentally disturbed by the way my parents used me as the family scapegoat. Using me to help them out of the mess they got themselves into then giving me the silent treatment when I needed their support through depression. I feel so very lost and depressed! I just don't understand how parents could turn their backs on a son who always helped them! It's time to send in the clowns!

[Ggrand]

Dear Artfuldodger...

It is so hard to understand how parents can treat their children in any other way except with love and care...

I wasn’t wanted, never felt love or even heard that word used towards me...It’s just so very sad that they don’t understand nor I guess even care about the impact of growing up unloved or uncared for...

I am 65 and still at times feel the sadness in my nurturing years...I think that it’s one of the causes for low self esteem, self hate, depression etc....

I am really sorry you went through that when you were younger....

Do you think that it has had a negative effect on your adult life?...

Talk here anytime your feeling up to it...

You are not alone...we are here for you with our care, understand and will try as best we can to support you...

My kindest and most caring thoughts..Dear Artfuldodger..

Grandy..

[Artfuldodger]

Hello Grandy,
Thank you for such a prompt reply! My parents gave me the silent treatment for 8 years once, waiting for me to crawl back begging and apologising for something that was never my fault. My father passed away five years ago my mother still alive and ostracised me from the family for the third year now. She knows about my struggles with depression, yet she is so icy cold and uncaring...I just don't understand!

I need to be less sensitive and I need to be emotionally resilient.

Although I did reasonably well in my career, my ability to socially interaction with my colleagues was very poor,
due to constantly having to be on guard to protect my delicate self esteem.

I live with a very loving and understanding wife and daughter.

I play music and paint canvas art, but that's only when I feel "good".

There are eight of us in the family and everyone struggles to communicate.
"The fruit never falls far from the tree"

I will never ever give up but the journey is very painful.
Thank you, your reply has eased the discomfort!

Tyron

[Guest_4643]

Hi, welcome.

I'm sorry to hear of all of that. I'm obviously not a medical professional, none of us are, but without diagnosing you, it sounds like PTSD.

Are you having any treatment? Do you have professionals at all? We care but it would be better discussed with them.

[Ggrand]

Dear Artfuldodger..

It’s very hard to be less sensitive people...I often wonder why the people who have been hurt so much by life...are some the most sensitive and caring people in this universe....

I am so very happy that you have both a beautiful, loving and understanding wife...and your beautiful daughter...having people around us that love you and you love them, can be a huge step into your healing journey....

Maybe as mblover has gently asked ....If your not getting professional care and help.....maybe a talk to your Dr..about your thoughts, fears emotions etc.....Your Dr then might refer you for some professional help... and a diagnosis from a psychiatrist may be very beneficial to you moving forwards...only if you want to...

I have C-PTSD...due to long term trauma first with my parents then my husband....I now have professional care and it has helped me...although small things I see and hear takes me right back to re living the traumas... I am trying hard to overcome these triggers...

Im wondering if something has happened in the past few weeks that may have triggered your memories back to that time of your life?...

What kind of instrument do you play...only if you want to share....I find music is a very good for distracting ourself and bringing us back into living in the here and now...

I am so happy to read those words...“I will never ever give up”...Yes Artfuldodger...it is and can get very hard...But every small step forward...is a step towards wellness....

Kind and caring thoughts dear Artfuldodger.....We are all stronger then we think...

Grandy..

[Artfuldodger]

Hello mb20lover,
Thank you for the reply. I have been on ADs for 27 years but on a low dose as it seems to have somewhat of an adverse effect on me. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia (a persistent form of low grade depression/sadness).
The daily dawning happens, it's in my head the moment I open my eyes!
I have seen psychologist to no avail however, I do have a very good Psychiatrist.
PTSD was never mentioned.

Artie

[Guest_4643]

I know what Dysthymia is, I have it myself...

[Artfuldodger]

Hello Grandy,
Like you, many things in life trigger my childhood traumas!
Yes I have sought professional help but I've reached a point of not wanting to talk about the same issues over and over again.
I need strategies in resilience to help me cope better. My father used to constantly tease and humiliate me over my sensitivity and called me "Mary" and once put my sister's dress on me after I cried from falling off my bike when I was 6 years old. Constant teasing and sly innuendoes continued well into my adult years; that kind of garbage keeps emerging in my head on a daily basis, however, I outshone him musically, artistically and professionally but that was only to gain his approval.
Do parents ever get jealous of their children?
The fact is, there are insensitive people who will step on you and cut you down but what matters most is having the emotional resilience to accept this as a reflection of the narcissistic relationship they are having with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person.
Easier said than done!
I am also sorry to hear of your situation, when I next play my acoustic guitar next I will think of your kind words. All things must pass!

Thank you for your support.
Artie

[Artfuldodger]

Hello Grandy,
I hope you are feeling well!

Artie

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Artie..

Thank you I’m doing okay...

Those memories of abuse whether it’s emotional, physical or whatever seems to remain hidden deep inside of us..until some little things we see, hear..reminds us of a hurtful experience and the build up of suppressed emotions just explode out of our mind and then into our soul..taking us right back to the time it happened...The damage they do, never will leave us...True Artie that we have to find coping mechanism to help us....

Yes..parents do get jealous of their children...I seen it first hand, with my late husband and one of our sons...My son was only trying to make his dad happy...but the more better he done...the worse things got between them....I wonder if it’s another trait of narcissism...A loving parent would be so proud and encouraging to their children....not jealous at all...

I am really sorry your father treated you that..my heart goes out to you..Growing up without the love of parents I believe has a detrimental effect on us our entire life..no matter how much we try to forget it...

I agree that many people that “step on us”...do it for their narcissistic pleasure....A normal person just doesn’t do those things to other people....

My late husband played lead guitar in a group...for many many years..the 60 -70 style more then modern...I do love guitar music...Thanking you saying you will think of my kind words next time you play your guitar....

I hope your doing okay Artie...Are you doing anything special this weekend?...

My kind thoughts dear Artie...with my care..

Grandy..