Disillusioned by Pursuit of Happiness

[TBella]

overwhelmed by the realisation that my whole life has been full of grief & loss.why can't I let go of it, or get over it! I just want to be happy! Then it hit me like a flash of lightning.Some things in life that happen to us, some losses we will never completely heal or get over in this life. There will be times when out of blue triggers will come &grief will slap you hard in the face again&knock you off your feet! But we don't need to struggle or fight against it, we just need to accept it! It's like being in the ocean, fighting, struggling against the crushing waves- you just exhaust yourself &drown quicker. Grief is like the waves of the ocean, if you fight against it&struggle we will just exhaust ourselves & drown. It's better to just let the waves of grief roll over you& learn to just ride the wave until it brings you into shore. I think what I realised today is that sometimes our intense pursuit of happiness is to avoid feeling the pain from the bad things that happened to us. We want to feel good! I think as humans we expect to be happy all the time&yet today I seen that that pursuit of happiness is actually what disillusions is.I realised that the pursuit of happiness is unattainable&unrealistic! We cannot be happy ALL the time, nor can we live in a constant state of happiness. It's not normal.It is possible to come to a place of contentment in life, where you learn to be content with life.I realised we have MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS" rather than constant HAPPINESS.Making that distinction that we have MOMENTS of happiness rather then that pursuit of happiness has really helped me! I no longer feel the need to pursue happiness as such.It's helped me to make peace with it &also peace with my loss&grief!I accept that everyone has their moments of loss, grief, everyone has their moments of happiness. Buts that's all they are MOMENTS.There will be times when the waves of grief wash over us but we don't need to fight & struggle against it! We just need to learn to ride the wave until it passes.Sometimes we need to accept that the grief, trauma in our lives leave us with a limp&we may just have to learn to walk the rest of our life with a limp but we just keep walking. And when we have a crap day, we just let it happen.Seeing it as MOMENTS is very liberating,I don't have to fight anymore! I don't have to fight against grief or fight for happiness because both will inevitably come to me- it's called life!

[Starwolf]

What a terrific post, Bella...

I'm totally with you. Being in Life means embracing it, bad times and all. Understanding that there is a positive side to every disaster does help. Unfortunately, it is often only revealed by hindsight. Knowing good things will come out of distress doesn't take it away but it makes it more bearable because hope is not defeated.

I also agree that happiness is not something to chase. Either it happens or it doesn't. It is like most elusive things, the more we run after them, the faster they get away. Happiness is made of moments to welcome. But so often we miss those moments, because inner pain blinds us to them.

Besides, how can we feel happiness without measuring it against the yardstick of unhappiness ? How could we know one without experiencing the other ?

We can't change what Life throws at us but yes... changing our perspective is possible and indeed liberating.

Thank you for sharing those wise thoughts with us.

[TBella]

Thank you Starwolf

your words are very comforting & encouraging, especially since I sent this as an email to my sister & she said I need to stop being a victim & mental illness is just a label to avoid taking responsibility for your life. Happiness is a choice even for those that hide behind mental illness! She is the only one that has interrupted it in this way. But isn't she just putting a another label on me by calling me a victim? Anyway time to focus on happier things 🙂

have an awesome day 😊

Kind Regards

Tbella

[Starwolf]

Thank you for your kind acknowledgment.

Mental illness is a reality that smacks us in the face...just like any other medical condition. Hardly something we can hide behind ! No matter how those around us perceive it, we don't have to accept labels they try to stick on us. If not for professional logistic purpose, sticking a label on someone is often an attempt to define (and so control) what we don't understand. Mental illness is difficult to understand for those affected, even more so by those who only have an outsider's view. It cannot be understood in terms of reason or logic because it is outside the scope of both. It is this lack of understanding that makes people react in unhelpful ways. It doesn't mean they don't care, just that they don't know how to. The easiest way out of course is to deny that whatever they can't understand exists !

Personally, I see those affected by mental conditions as patients, not victims. There again, a matter of perspective. If you don't perceive yourself as victim then you cannot be one !

[TBella]

Thank you for your wise words, very true & very helpful 😊