Dealing with past sa

[Beyondyou]

I got sexually assaulted 2 years ago and as a guy is one of the hardest things to ever tell anyone. I just feel embarrassed and awkward feelings about it and have only managed to tell one friend who also had an experience but none of my friends who are guys. I still get nightmares from it and it broke me into a horrible depression, I've mostly recovered now but I coped by engaging in harmful behaviour in the past. Ive managed to tell parts of these to a couple people but never about the sa, it just feels like I can't say it because I don't want them to judge me but also I just feel nowhere near comfortable to tell the story. I want to talk to people and the one friend suggested a clinic but I just can't bring myself to go and talk to people in real life about it, even if they know what they are doing. It just feels so weird. In trying to build my confidence with it but it's hard. I also got broken up with the day after my one year anniversary a couple weeks ago and that combined with the nightmares isn't helping. But I just want to tell my story and see if people can relate to how I feel.

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery in opening up on here-it's not easy so you should be really proud of yourself. 

I'm really sorry to hear what you are dealing with today. I just wanted to say that it is absolutely not your fault. It's so difficult to find the right people to trust and to confide into and I understand why you are scared of being judged. It's definitely important to open up to the right people who are going to be there for you. 

If talking in person feels uncomfortable right now, I wanted to suggest calling 1800RESPECT. Here's the number for free and confidential support with a counsellor: 1800 737 732. I think you've already taken the first step in reaching out here and you are more than welcome to keep reaching out, but I also think it would be great to get in contact with a counsellor in this field who is willing to listen and support you. 

In regards to re-occurring nightmares, I do believe it is normal to have them after a distressing event but since they have been going on for quite a while, maybe you would like to try some healthy coping strategies? Perhaps meditation or journalling about what is going through your head, a bit like a brain dump to help you feel better. 

You're not alone, and I'm sure your post will also help others to feel less alone too. Sending you love in this time and I hope you get the support and compassion you deserve ❤️

Kind regards,

PsychDiaries