Dating a girl with PTSD

[Horse18]

Hi everyone, I’ve currently been in a long distance relationship (250km’s) with a girl for the last 4 months who’s a paramedic and has had an extremely difficult year. Both of her parents died within 2 months of each other at the start of the year and because of her job and a few other things she was on compo when we met (diagnosed with PTSD) Everything was going great in our relationship, we fell deeply in love, would text each other constantly through the day and night, chat on the phone when we could and spend time with each other at every opportunity but in the last 2 or 3 weeks she has really pulled away from me, I’ve tried talking to her about it and she says that she does this when her PTSD/anxiety is really bad, she pulls away from loved ones and isolates. I really want to be there for her but the distance and withdrawal makes it really hard.

she does text me every day and we chat on the phone about 2 or 3 times a week but I just don’t know what to do.

any advice would be greatly appreciated as I truly love this girl with all my heart and it’s killing me that she is going through this without me.

she is seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and a GP about it but is there anything I can do to help her?

thanks in advance.

[Guest_1584]

Hi op.

You are still there for her your both still messaging and calling ea other a bit.

Don't push that any further or it will become a pressure which she won't be able to cope with which will only make things even harder for her and so she'd prob need to back away even further. Just let her set the pace she will know your there and feel your support , and probably want to communicate more herself on good days when she's up to it. But be careful not to flood her with overwhelm on those days too bc it'll still be a fine line for her even then..

She's had a huge huge yr and things will be sinking in more and more now and that'll be combining with her ptsd and anxiety.

All you can do for now is go on with just being there for her when she needs you and in support.

Good luck.  rx

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Horse18,

Thanks for reaching out.  This is a tough one, and I see where you and your girl are coming from.  It is really hard when the nature of PTSD makes you withdraw, and it's hard for loved ones and people who care about you as well.  There's nothing easy about it.

While we can happily share advice and experiences, ultimately everyone is so different that what really matters is what's going to work for both of you.

Could you ask her some questions about what helps?  Is she withdrawing because that's part of her PTSD/anxiety and reluctant to reach out, or does she want space?  Is she wanting company but worried that she's terrible company because she's not in the best headspace?  

Sometimes dinner in front of the tv can be so helpful with no pressure or expectations; but everyone is so different in what they need that I don't want to expand further on that.

I encourage you to have more conversations about what she needs from you; and know that even if it doesn't feel like you're helping; you are anyway.

rt