Hi, here’s my story.
I have spent the past 30 years working in the international oil & gas industry. I’ve worked all over the world but mostly in the Middle East and North Africa. I finished working a 5 year contract in Algeria a few months ago and have decided that I’m done with working away and will now semi retire and stay home. During the past 5 years I have paid off all our houses ($3 million worth), our super is very healthy and we have no debts.
I recently discovered that over the past 5 years, all the money that I have sent back home to our joint accounts has been taken by my wife and put into a personal account in her name only. I discovered this in October when I had an accident with a table saw at home and required emergency surgery on my thumb. I had to pay $4000 up front for this surgery so asked my wife where all my money (around $250K) was and that I needed $4K to pay for the surgery. My wife refused to give me my money so I had to pay with a credit card. She flat out refuses to put the money back into a joint account, claiming that “you’ll waste it”. That is simply untrue. She has also been getting her pay deposited in a personal account, then transferring half of it to a joint account each fortnight. I have no idea where she’s hiding the rest. I also have no idea of exactly how much I have in savings, or where she’s keeping the money.
A few weeks ago I went to the police to tell them my situation and asked where I stood legally and if they had any numbers I could call for support. The officer told me that I was being subjected to coercive control, which is a form of domestic violence. Therefore the police were duty bound to investigate and came to our home to question my wife. I wasn’t present during this interview but my adult daughter was and she later told me that her mother told the police a pack of lies. The parting words to me from the police sergeant was “get a lawyer mate”. Not a thing has happened to my wife.
We have not spoken for close to 4 weeks now. She has moved out of our room and is sleeping in a spare bedroom (fine by me!)
Ive also had legal advice which was pretty much useless. The way I see it at the moment is that she has gotten away with simply helping herself to a quarter million of my hard earned cash and there’s nothing I can do about it. My only option now is to officially separate from her. Then the courts will ask for full disclosure and she will have to show where the money is.
I am totally under her control - I don’t have any access to MY money and she’s generously providing half her pay each fortnight. I can’t leave because I have no money to leave.
Ive spent a lifetime working in 3rd world dumps and was finally looking forward to semi retirement. But that’s all out the window now because she’s forcing me to get back on a plane for the next 3rd world dump assignment.
Im at my wits end and don’t know what to do.
