Coded yesterday after procedure.Feel very vulnerable.Helpless.Old wounds opened.

[Beetle]

Hey

I'm a first responder myself.

However I coded yesterday after a procedure. Very scary experience. I am usually on the other side of this thing.Being the one being coded is a totally different story.

I only remember I felt dizzy and my eyes went into the back of my head. When I sort of came to "thousand" people were around me poking needles in me and talking to me. I felt so exposed, vulnerable, helpless. Even though they were all wonderful and I'm back home I'm still teary and feel still very weird, and dizzy. I wonder if this event has triggered old wounds of my past? ( sexual abuse, emotional and physical neglect and abuse)

I appreciate anyone sharing their thoughts

Beetle 🙂

[Beetle]

Hey Doolof and Elizabeth

You guys are really encouraging. I never thought about hiring anyone. I was too ashamed to even thinking about it. And my friends would do my dishes if I ask but they are busy too and I haven't been brave enough to ask. The trick with the stool and the cupboard is great Elizabeth. Why didn't I think of that?? I actually managed to soak them dishes tonight. so that's no food for the ants !!

Yeah 2018 has been touch. First cellulitis, then the bloody lump, then a cold and now a UTI/kidney infection. I don't know what I have done but someone gives me a hard time for it! Hope this is over soon and I can be my normal self.

Thanks guys for your encouraging words 🙂 .Doolof you said you dont love yourself that much. That's so sad. I was the same. I used to punish myself for my shortcomings eg. cutting into my own flesh and abusing my body with substances. Somehow I got on the other side and love my body/self now. Yes sometimes bodies can be annoying and don't function as good as desired. But I'm blessed with what I got because this body enabled me to do what I love to do and enabled me to overcome very painful memories and experiences. So I am proud of my body and apologise to my body often for the pain I caused him.

This must sound very stupid but somehow I have arrived at a point of self-love and I hope that you will reach this point as well Doolof. I think that's the only real love we will ever get because other people may fool us or leave us or betray us. But self-love will stay forever.

I wish you a lovely evening. You see- I must feel better as I can write more now 😄

Love beetle

[Doolhof]

Dear Beetle,

HI. It is great you are feeling a little better and hope it helps to share more about yourself here. The good thing is that we are all anonymous and yet can still care so much for each other!

Asking for help, can feel humbling and difficult at first, but oh so rewarding as well! If you have the opportunity and financial ability to have paid assistance, than go for it. Even a once off to help get you back on your feet will be so beneficial.

Thanks for the very kind comments about loving myself. I have actually borrowed a book from the library dealing with this issue, so I am about to start reading that and will write down notes as well. The book actually has questions in it so I will try to answer those honestly.

On Thursdays I volunteer in an Op Shop while I am looking for work. I do enjoy my time there and like the people I work with. We have lots of laughs and fun and most of the customers are lovely too.

Today I made the time to play a game with a young boy while his Mum was looking around in the shop. I did ask her first if it was okay! She could hear us talking and playing "Snap". The little boy helped to make my day. I try to be nice to everyone, offer them a smile and a chat as I have no idea what kind of a day they are having.

I will read a bit of that book later and see what insights I can learn from it.

Cheers to you Beetle, hope you too have a good evening and well done to you for making improvements in your life! That can take a lot of hard work and determination!

Greetings from Doolhof