Recovering from Complex PTSD, being abused again.

[tatiailia]

I'm in therapy for complex PTSD stemming from childhood abuse, and recently I've been re-triggered by a friend's behaviour. It's only just dawned on me (within the past 24 hours) that the things he's been doing qualify as emotional abuse. I know I need to cut ties for my own safety, but I'm finding it hard because up to now he's been one of my only supports so I'm taking that away from myself without replacing it with anything. I'm scared of losing that, scared that he'll do something to himself and blame me, just scared in general. I guess I just need someone to talk through it with.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Tatiailia,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here. I really appreciate you sharing what's going on for you and we can absolutely be here for you to talk it through with.

It sounds like you're feeling a little torn between having your friend as the emotional support but also knowing now that he's also giving you emotional abuse at the same time; do I have that right? That must be complex and I'm sorry you're struggling with that.

I'm wondering what it might be like if instead of 'cutting ties' directly you could loosen them a little. Sometimes when people in our life are toxic or unhealthy; it can feel too scary or dangerous to end things immediately; the other option being that it fades a little. Would it be possible for you to find that support elsewhere? Perhaps here, or with a therapist, family or other friends? That way you can rally a team around you that only provide you with healthy connections rather than abusive ones.

Either way, we trust whatever you decide to do - and happy to bounce off ideas or thoughts if you want to share more.

Hope you enjoy being apart of these forums.

[Kat-L]

Hi Tatiailia,

I may be a bit late replying but better late then never 🙂 In the first instance I hope the therapy you are having is really helping you.

Sounds like you are somewhat co-dependent in this relationship. It happens in abusive relationships and we don't even realise we are in it until we take a step back.

First things first - you are afraid of things that have not even happened yet (by the looks of it, stemming from past experience). They wont happen unless you think they will.. then they probably will!!!!
So....... for every worry or fear, take that and release the idea. It is not you or your future. Next use it to idealise the opposite - what you really want and how you really want to feel and how you should be treated because you deserve more. 🙂 You deserve true happiness without nightmares and worries!

If you consider what is the root cause of your fears you will conquer them. Is it a fear of being abandoned, not being loved or not being worthy?

Take a fear (whether it be being alone or spiders etc), then say 'why am i afraid of spiders?' 'Its because.... I'm scared of being bitten, or maybe its because society tells me that spiders are scary so i am afraid'.Sometimes the reasons you find may not be true to you 🙂

Anyway I hope this helps a little x There is no way you were put on this planet to be abused, you deserve a full rich life. You live to tell the story and can help other's with your experience. This is a precious thing.

Find a new friend if he/she is manipulating, try have a 'break' for as loooooooooong as you can. Do things you love, maybe a walk every lunchtime in the park or talking on the phone to family. 🙂 Eventually you will lift your energy again and be back to you best self.

kat