Can't even function

[summerdays]

I am feeling so low and desperate and I don't know what to do.

Honestly, what can I do? How am I supposed to ever feel better?

I can't think straight, I can't do anything because my attention span is about 2 seconds long. I am feeling so disconnected from my body and the world and my partner goes back to work tomorrow and I don't know how I am going to cope let alone ever thrive in this life.

This is my shitty attempt at reaching out for help. I feel so alone and helpless and sad.

[james1]

Hello summerdays,

I'm sorry to hear you're feel so helpless right now, but it looks like you've posted here before and I'm glad that you've come back here for help.

Would you like to tell us what has been happening? It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of mental blocks and things just aren't making a lot of sense to you right now. Is that right?

We want to help you and you've done an amazing job in coming to us in the first place. I hope you can let us know what's happening because it sounds like things have been bad for a while now. Have you ever spoken to any doctors?

James

[blondguy]

Hi Summerdays

James1 is spot on..you have done an amazing job by reaching out to us.

There is nothing shitty about your attempt at all. Amazing ...yes!.......Shitty...nope

I really feel for you feeling the way you do. It can be a dark place. Ive had chronic anxiety followed by depression for many years and having that mega short concentration span is horrible. When we have a 'tired' or exhausted mind our concentration goes out the window....along with our sleep and peace of mind.

Can I ask you if you have a couple of people (or even one) that you can have a vent to? Having even a small support network can make a huge difference to how we feel.

There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you too Summerdays....no worries at all

you are not alone in any way....I hope you can post back when you are up to it

my kind thoughts

Paul

[White_Rose]

Dear Summerdays

Hello and welcome. You have received two great replies from James and Paul, both welcoming you to BB.

Paul said he knew that feeling of being unable to concentrate and I also have been there. It's not a good place and the more we struggle the worse it seems to get. When you feel bad and are trying to push yourself to do something you end up feeling exhausted. From then on it's downhill, especially with concentration and memory. This is upsetting so you worry more etc. etc.

Your attempt at reaching out is far from shitty. It shows you are still in charge of yourself and that is great. Now still being in charge of yourself make a phone call to your GP and make a long appointment. Tell your GP how you are feeling and how long this has been going on.

You may be depressed. If you want to get a quick idea of this go to the home page and scroll down to Learn about Depression. Click on that and you will get to taking the depression checklist. It's not a diagnostic tool, just gives a general overview of where you may be. I suggest you print it and take it with you to see your GP. You may want to print your post above as well.

The symptoms you are feeling match depression. I am presuming you have not talked to a doctor about this yet. I have had depression for about 16 years. I asked for some help and found it. That is truly wonderful.

Being on your own for long periods is not good. I take it you are not working? Make sure you get out of the house everyday. Sit on your patio or go for a walk, but be in the sunshine. This will help as well. But not too long as you don't need skin cancer. Try early morning or late afternoon.

What do you do when you are on your own? Do you have any hobbies etc? Doing these everyday activities also helps and stops the worry.

Let us know how you go with the doctor.

Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi there summerdays,

And as I write this, I can see them up ahead … spring is just around the corner and that means that summerdays are on their way. Bring it on, I say.

I’m sorry to hear how you’re feeling at the moment and that things are just so utterly crap for you. It IS great though that you’re reaching out, while so often this can be a daunting task, at least you’ve made this positive step.

Just one thing though … let’s drop the “thrive” in this life bit … and focus more on the smaller goals. Thriving can come down the track, but we need to concentrate on the here and now and how we can help you at this particular time.

Do write back to us please.

Neil

[summerdays]

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your replies. I'm in a really bad way and each morning I wonder how on earth I am going to make it through another day. I say it's been a few bad weeks, but then before that it was a few bad weeks and before that it was a bad month and the more I look back the more I realise it's just been going on and on and I can't really remember a time in the last 2 years straight where I haven't been feeling like life is just HARD. It's so hard. Why does it have to be so hard. I don't understand. I'm tired. So tired. I don't have much left but I like to think it's getting worse before it gets better.

Having kids has pushed me over the edge.

12 months ago I moved to the country and I'm ashamed to go to the dr's because we all know what women are like. In small towns. They talk. I don't want the whole town knowing how messed up I am.

I just can't think straight anymore. I'm a shell of who I used to be.

I really feel like I can't do this anymore. I am a shit parent. I honestly don't know how to parent. Does anyone know if there's any courses I can do to learn?

[summerdays]

Hi James,

My children are killing me. I am having such a hard time enforcing rules and boundaries. They cry whinge and fight and I can't handle it. Literally, I can't handle it. I am getting to the point where I need to kick and throw things. I want to scream and yell and i am so scared to say that I completely understand how some parents end up on the news. My anxiety and stress levels are seriously through the roof. I can't run the house, I can't stand mess. I can't communicate with the kids because I can't think straight. I am so anxious about not giving them a shitty childhood like mine, that I am giving them a shitty childhood like mine. It's f'd. My brain is full. I have no space in my brain for conversations with anyone. My memory is gone, I have no energy at all and I don't even know who I am anymore. What makes things worse is that I can't talk about this. There's just something in me from my childhood that stops me from being able to talk about it. It's shame, i think. I have this really deep shame about who I am and so I can't reach out. It's not that I don't want to. i can't. I don't know how and everything inside me tells me not to

[summerdays]

Hi Mary, Thanks for your reply. I feel incredibly let down by professionals. I've been to the dr, I have a mental health care plan but other than a referral for counselling they don't do anything. I'm not going on meds again as I am so bad that if and when I got worse mucking around with dose and type it would be really bad.

I don't enjoy anything anymore, My hobbies aren't fun anymore as I can't be present. I'm so up in my head I can't focus.

My children are so little and demand so much of me and it really hurts me that I hate being a mum. It's too hard. I can't do it.

I love them and want to enjoy them but I can't. I look at their little faces and love them so much but there's too much anxiety in my body to just relax and be present and enjoy them. It makes me so sad because they are growing so quickly and I haven't enjoyed any of it

[White_Rose]

Hello Summerdays

Watching your children grow is an inexpressible feeling. These small people you brought into the world and who now depend on you. Yes it is terrifying to have that responsibility and wonderful to know you are doing the best you can.

You said in your first post that your partner is going back to work. Does that mean he is away from home for short periods? FIFO? If this is the case I heartily agree with you about getting upset. James asked if you knew anyone to talk to but I gather you have not long moved to your current home.

A mental health plan is a start and you will see a psychologist. Have you booked your first appointment? I hope you start to see the psych soon.

Do you know if there are any playgroups in your neck of the woods? Usually the local library will know what groups meet regularly. I think if you can join a playgroup it will help you so much. Talking to other moms who know how it feels is so comforting. You can start making friendships that way.

Libraries often have activities for children under school age so check them out as well. Usually the library staff manage the children although you need to be there. It could be a bit of a rest for you. Also check out the local churches who often have children's groups going. Not being a church member is no barrier.

What about learn to swim classes? My granddaughter went there at age three and had a great time. I know some of these activities cost money but if you can afford it I hope you can try to join in. It really is worth the effort because it energises you and gives the children something productive to do.

If you get some books from the library you can sit your children down on the floor and read to them. Mostly children like this and will remain quiet while you read. It's a great way to short circuit being naughty.

Mary