Can I get ever over high school?

[Algernon]

I was chatting with my PT today. We are about the same age, and we were talking about the challenges of bringing up our kids. 

I can't remember how we got there, but I started sharing some high school memories. 

It brought up so much.

Just before I started high school I was run over by a car. No one would believe me that I was hurt because I managed to get myself home. I was only 12 years old. 

My school had a cross-country run. I told my PE teachers that my leg hurt. I even pointed to the jagged red line across my shin. They made me run the race, and it was agony. A few years ago, I went to the doctor because my leg had flared up again. Turned out my leg had been broken in that hit-and-run.

I wish it that was the only negative experience, but it wasn't. In my second year of high school, the manual arts teacher laughed as the kids held me down and burned me with soldering irons.

The PE teachers were the worst. They encouraged the bullies to attack me in the playground and openly sided with them in class. I had accidentally cut my wrist with a chisel at home. Despite having a doctor's certificate, they made me play volleyball until the stitches burst and I bled.

I became very aggressive because I never knew where the next blow would come from.

It's taken me years to shed my rage. I think in retrospect, I had PTSD because I lived in fear for those years. 

I'm calmer now. Next year is a significant anniversary of leaving school. I want to shed my angst. I'm done. They suck, and I want to live.

I'm sending this into the void because sometimes you just need to say these things to get them out of you.

I apologise if I cause you distress in the accidental reading.

B 

[Croix]

Dear B~

Welcome to the support forum. I"m glad you came here so others can realize how brutal some schools can be, where the only other option is changing to another school where the culture is for students to be looked after and bullying and medical matters are taken seriously.

The sort of expereices you describe have an awfully long effect, the fact you have reached the age where you are raising your own children speaks to how long it lasts as you  are still thinking of it.

One of the schools I went to was not that long after the war and the masters had for the  most part been changed by their experiences, many dismissing injury or difficulties by students as part of what was to be expected. I broke a finger on a medicine ball and the the PT(an ex RSM) master wanted to set it himself and continue with exercises.

I guess you have an advantage, becuse you know the sorts of things htat can happen  and hte effects they can have so you can be on the lookout with your own children and give them protection.
 

I'd also suggest you visit the Blue Knot Foundation, who are experienced in assisting adults who have had traumatic experiences when younger.

If you would like to return and talk some more you'd be welcome

Croix

[Morph]

Hello B and welcome.

I love this country but one thing that I don't like is the sports culture and how sporting excellence is held in such high esteem at almost every level.  Even though the general message is that sporting participation is more important than the result, at the end of the day that is simply not true.

Your story is not unfamiliar; there are lots of kids who are forced to participate no matter what their physical or mental condition or ability is.  At my own kids' school, students will lose house points if they don't turn up or participate (no excuses).  The end result is that the kids fail and are then embarrassed, humiliated and made fun of by the teachers and students alike.

At school, I didn't have injuries like you but was clumsy, lacked coordination and couldn't throw or catch to save my life.  Later I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and everything made sense.

Good luck and look after your mental health.

[Algernon]

thank you, strangely I came across blue knot today. it seems to be focused on the national redress scheme though and I just want to move rather than revisit. To be honest what I really want is to be part of a group that just talks about this stufff.

[Algernon]

Hi Morph,

Thank you for you reply, I appreciate it 🙂 I do hope you've found a pathway to an active life. It is a good way to live 🙂 travel well my friend.

[Algernon]

Croix, your words seem kind but they are not.

The reality is that they echo everyone I have ever tried to speak to about this. Nobody wants to know and actually no one cares. Your reply has disturbed my calm.

I never had the option of changing school. My only choice was to endure or fail.

There is no advantage to me in this. I know now that I will never heal, only adapt, and there is nowhere for me to talk about this stuff because frankly, every time I speak, I'm told to shut up. Your message is basically the same.

Your recomendation.... I don't want to go there again. It's a redress scheme. My principal was popular with the department; they will want to honour his legacy and like every institution they will fight to defend it. They will make me jump through hoops to prove something that happened 40 years ago when I was a child and they will put me through hell. I have no evidence apart from my memories.

The experiences I shared were just a small fraction of what occurred in five years of ongoing abuse.

I'm sorry you broke your finger.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Algernon, We're truly sorry to hear that your time on the forums hasn’t felt supportive or positive. And we want to acknowledge how disappointing and frustrating that must be, and we sincerely apologise for any distress this may have caused. The Beyond Blue Forums are intended to be a safe, supportive space for everyone to connect through their mental health journeys. We’re sorry this hasn’t been your experience. If you ever feel like talking things through, please reach out to us anytime on 1300 22 4636 or chat online here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Take care, and thank you again for being part of the Beyond Blue community.

Kind Regards,
ModSupport

[Algernon]

just tell me how to leave

[Algernon]

i just want it to end

[Croix]

Dear Algernon~

First off you have my apology, the last thing I'd want to do is make you feel worse. I also do not wish you to shut up, quite the opposite, there are many here who have suffered abuse as school though finding them here is very hit or miss.

The best I could come up with as a search for these was to use the folloing case-sensitive search string in Google.com:

teachers AND school AND abuse site:forums.beyondblue.org.au

Unfortuantly it gave a large number of hits and only some were in similar circumstavces to yours , it would take a lot of pacience to scan through them.

Trying here was not stupid in the least. To find others who wish to talk about similar experiences can take a fair bit of seeking and perseverence. Such groups can be of great benefit. The Forum may not have met your needs, however please keep on approaching  places that  look promising.

While the Blue Knot does have a fair amout about the redress scheme it is not just for that purpose, they may know of a support group to suit,  however if not then there must be some other places, perhaps Sophie's suggestions might lead to something. 

Incidentally I can assure you Sophie_M is not a chat bot.

To leave the Forum email modsupport@beyondblue.org.au and ask for your name to be removed 

I'm sorry to see you go and empathise when one canot find what one needs.

Croix