cPTSD and anxiety

[Chriss]

Hi,

I'm struggling with cPTSD and am having panic attacks, low mood and anxiety. My partner was an alcoholic for over 10 years and apart from being a nightmare to live with, was verbally abusive to me and my daughter. After I walked out, they gave up.  I have moved back home, but things aren't good. They are like a new person and have really sorted their life out, but I am suffering from small panic attacks in the night and sometimes during the day. We don't share a room yet. Sometimes I am fine when they are around me, but other times I am not. Is this going to stay with me forever or does it improve? I'm really trying to make it work.

[Croix]

Dear Chriss~

Welcome here to the Forum, a place where oyu can read similar stories.

I'll try to answer your question, yes there is hope things can improve a lot. However this depends on things going right.

My own expereices left me with PTSD, depression and aniety - plus panic attacks. That was a long time ago and I was very fortunate to have intelligent flexible psychiatrists, the right medications and being blessed wiht a supportive partner.

I've ended up in a much better state wiht a life I would not want ot change. Sure htere are still symptoms, lack up trust, overreactions, and unhappy recollections, however I'm good to live with, love and support, and receive the same in return.

All this sounds fine, however in your circumstances an awful lot is going toot depend on your partner's behaviour. 10 years as an alcoholic does not simply disappear, and the abusive difficulties are at the very least a result of hte alcohol. 

If they have hte right support, both by a clinician, an appropriate organisation, probably a buddy and support at home thay can, if they really want to, put the habit away. 

It comes down to their motivation, maybe your going away was sufficient and it will last - I hope so. Counseling about family may also be a help.

Given your memories of what has happened in the past and uncertainty about the future trusting your partner is a long term thing.  By going back you have shown bravery and a willingness to hope -a pretty marvelous thing.

May I ask if you have clinical support for your cPTSD? I found I have needed that all the way though and recommend it. Building trust is very largely your partner's job and I hope he consistently tries to do so.

Separate bedroom, panic attacks and at times being uncomfortable in their presence is natural and to be expected. Please do not think this is a bad thing or that you are failing in any way. Simple give it time and see if attacks lessen and comfort in their  presence grows.

Do you have a family member or freind you can talk with frankly? The only have to listen and show they care. Being alone facing this situation is hard.

You know you are always welcome here.

Croix

[TrueSeeker]

Hello Chriss

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I can understand how exhausting, frustrating and confusing it can be when good things happen in our lives and we're still stuck in the past.

From my experience things will get better. First, I worked on relaxation techniques. I'd go for a walk or do any mild physical activity and keep reminding myself that things are good now and how peaceful the world is around me. Also, creating new good experiences with your partner helps a lot too. It's very important to forgive him and remind ourselves that it's all in the past and that it's not happening any more.

It can take some effort to start with but with practice, it will become habit and will be able to calm ourselves down and focus on the present good reality without even knowing.

Just a thing to watch out for is that once the same bad things start happening again, all effort can be erased and maybe it'll be time to look at other options.

I hope that this helped a little bit, please take good care of yourself, be nice to yourself and things will get better

[Chriss]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your words of support. I am getting help and see a counsellor regularly. It has really helped me understand things, but progress feels slow. I'm also on medication, but am not really seeing much improvement.  I have plenty of support, but it's not easy to access in the middle of the night! 

Chriss

[Croix]

Dear Chriss~

I'm glad you are getting support, but agree it is hard to get in the middle of the night. Perhaps you might consider a little self-support at those times. 

I find that I have listed a whole load of things I've enjoyed in the past, or they have made me forget life for a little while. I've had help to remember these from someone I'm close to as it can be hard to recollect them.They range from comedians on YouTube to a chapter in a favorite book, to going outside in the night to ... well your things will be different ot mine.

When I'm suffering low mood or anxiety I really can't be bothered with them , they do nothing for me. Actually it is not them , they are just as good, it is me.

So I user a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind. It has a whole heap of exercises for all ages and all levels of concentration (I have that of a goldfish). With practice, I repeat with practice, it has most excellent results and leaves me in a calm mode removed from the thoughts I was having before.

This state will not stay by itself and the thoughts may return so you use the things you had enjoyed while you are in that calm receptive mood and can even end up enjoying them again.

It's good for panic attacks too.

The only other thing I'd like to say is medications may not always be optimum. It took a very patient psychiatrist and a lot of time before I was given the right one - mostly does the job and no side effects. Something yoou might like to bear in mind.

If you would like ot say how you get on that would be great

Croix

[Algernon]

there's a lot of trust to build there my friend. It will be a process.