Breakup due to alcoholism

[Gypsy_Girl]

I’m really struggling. It’s been a month since my partner and I broke up. He is an alcoholic. 3 years together. I still love him but he just flicked a switch and decided he didn’t feel the same way about me. I don’t have many friends, one that lives 2 hours away and one that is quite selfish. I have my mum n dad but they’re at a loss. I have 3 kids who are at their dad’s 50/50. So for a whole week I’m alone now. Whereas before I had my partner. We got along so well. He was never violent. He did say some mean things towards the end. He hadn’t dealt with past traumas. Hence the alcoholism. I’ve watched videos on it and learned that he may not have ever loved me the way I loved him. Alcohol really affects the brain. I thought I had found the one. Clearly I was mistaken. My friend says I need to ask myself why I feel unworthy of a healthy relationship. So hard to do when you feel like crap. I want to get past this. But I’m really struggling with my self worth & loneliness. While he’s just walked away and living his life. I’ll be getting an assessment for ADHD in December. I just want to get better. But I don’t know how. He was the first guy I truly loved. 

[Croix]

Dear Gypsy_Girl~

I'm very sorry ot hear of your circumstances which must be heart-breaking, however I'd like to give you a warm welcome back anyway.

If I remember correctly from a fair number of years ago I very much admired your ability to break away from an abusive relationship despite all the obstacles and were coping with your ex and his partner while they were doing their best to make your life difficult.

It is a very sad thing to watch your new partner change, from loving and reliable to being someone unpleasant and then disappearing. Alcohol has a lot to answer for and as you will have seen in the videos permeates right through a person's life and actions, always for the worse.

He may in fact have loved you at the start, but as time has gone on he has been changed. Maybe he is no longer able to love at all. You on the other hand were able to overcome the abusive relationship you were in and able to give full love to someone - not an ability all regain. I would be surprised if you were not able to love fully again, not something to worry about.

While you have the kids every forthright I'd imagine those weeks are a bit better, as you  have them to look after and be with - most kids I've found keep one VERY busy. It is the rest of the time when you are now alone that is the hardest.

You do need to do something that suits you, before it was being wiht a partner, now it needs to be somthing to do with you. If not volunteering then a skill: music, art, advanced driving ....? you would know better than me what appeals

If things get to bad I'd suggest some counceling, and Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) is a pretty good place with lots of understanding. If they are not near you they may know of another suitable place that is.

It is no use me using just words to tell you that you are worthy and will find someone you need -those are indeed just words. A technique I've found has helped me though the day and also in time boosted my esteem is to reserve a time each evening to do something you enjoy (yes even when the kids are there if you can find the time . It can be anything, music, book, movie, walk...  All it has to do is make you forget the hard life for a few minutes and hopefully give you enjoyment.

After time this becomes something you look forward to as a reward for getting through the day, and will eventually let you fell you deserve to be rewarded -which you do.

Whenever you wish you will be welcomed here and talk about anything you like

Croix