An introduction and saying hello [Trigger Warning: physical and sexual assualt]

[arap]

Hi everyone. I am currently going through a lot and dont really have anyone I can talk to.

In a nutshell, when I finally left my abusive husband I found out he was also abusing my children. He molested my daughter, whipped my older son with bamboo, terrified my younger boys and even managed to turn my middle son against his family who has now disowned the rest of us because we believed and backed my daughter when she finally disclosed her abuse. 2 weeks ago he was convicted for what he did to my daughter after a trial that has left her an emotional wreck to the point where she has self harmed. As I am the only adult and need to be the strength that holds everyone together I haven't been able to face or deal with the trauma from the abuse I was dealt, the trauma and horror and guilt that came with the realisation that my children also suffered at the hands of that monster, the trauma and stress of the trial and being torn apart by the defence lawyer, the grief that comes with one of my children being so brainwashed by my ex that he has disowned me, and the rest of my family and during the time all this is going on being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and all the fun things that go with that ...the list goes on and seems endless, but the bottom line is I feel like I am screaming on the inside but have to be the sole support system for my family so I just keep stuffing it down.

I am feeling very isolated and alone, physically restricted due to the RA and I guess even lonely, but at the same time I withdraw from everyone except my children, to the point where I won't or at least cant bring myself to answer my phone

Anyways, thats me. Its nice to meet you all - hope to chat with some of you soon

[arap]

Hi Startingnew

truthfully Im really not ok. I feel like I am perpetually on the verge of a panic attack - you know that feeling where your heart is lodged in your throat and beating a million miles an hour and the need to run away is almost overwhelming? Thats where I am constantly. It sounds so over dramatic when I write it down like that, laughable even. My RA has been bad also which is probably contributing to my frame of mind, but the anxiety probably isnt helping that much either

[startingnew]

Hi şarap

No i dont think it sounds laughable. You are clearly struggling and are in need of some help.

When you feel yourself getting more and more anxious try to do a breathing exercise or even just take a few deep breaths. Often with panic we either hyperventilate or we forget to breathe because of the tension and overwhelm so breathing properly would be a big help.

Grounding exercises can help you to bring yourself back to the present. Sometimes saying outloud 'i/we are safe' can help.

Another is using the 5 senses- name 5 things you can see. 4 things you can feel ( ie the sand between your toes) 3 things you can hear. 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. If you forget the numbering thats ok sometimes its just about noticing your environment and realising where you are not where you were (the unsafe environment) does that make sense?

Self care is really important as well. Finding time for yourself and doing something you would like to do at least once a day- can be something really simple like painting your nails or making a cup of tea and sit down with a good book, relaxing bath. These are just suggestions of course. Your kids are important yes but so are you and youll need to look after you too.

Pain and mental health issues seem to go hand in hand. When pain is worse it sets off more mh issues or makes them less manageable (vise versa). I dont have RA so im not fully aware of it but do you have a pain management plan at all?

Have you been able to have a look at the sites Nats suggested? Having some good supports in place for yourself is another important point. You shouldnt have to do it all on your own.

Also if things are getting too much you can give beyond blue a call 1300 22 4636 they are avaliable 24/7

ill leave thing there for now but know your not alone. We are here for you ❤