Shame about my heritage

[james1]

Hello everyone,

I have a very short story here which I would like to share where I was made to feel shame about my Chinese heritage. I have experienced this a lot, and (un?)surprisingly much of it is from my own parents.

If you have any stories of your own, I really welcome your posts.

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My mother's family come from a little suburb in Guangzhou. It is quite a small, poor area, and it constantly reeks of sewerage and just rotten things. My mother was born there in a house that her father, my grandfather, built.

Anyway, we were having a chat in the kitchen here one day and my mother said something that made me quite angry. She said, "I will never take my fiance back to my home. And you shouldn't take your girlfriend there either. It is too gross, and she will judge you."

I may not have been born there, but it is where I am from. The smell is gross, true, but I have been back to that house every couple of years for my 26 years. It is where my roots are, even if I live in Australia. Why should I feel ashamed about the poverty of my past?

I feel ashamed about the behaviour of many people from home, and perhaps it is none of my business, but I will never be so ashamed to not show my loved ones where I came from.

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Have any of you also been made to feel shame or embarrassment about where you come from, whether you feel it was right or wrong?

Alternatively, is there something that you do feel shame about? Don't worry, we are not judging you nor your cultural background 🙂

James

[james1]

Hello staticrose,

Thanks for responding to me.

It's interesting that you use the word "appease" when talking about practicing both cultures. I also often do things to appease my two cultures and when it's not enough for them, I feel quite frustrated. I'm not sure if the same happens for you?

I wonder if there's a different way to approach this. Questions that I ask myself are: am I appeasing my own two cultural sides or others? How would I appease myself holistically?

I don't have the answers, but I feel like when I do one or the other, I'm being untrue to myself, somehow. But I don't know how to do differently...

Anyway, self-expression is definitely what I'm kind of trying to talk about. Nice to hear your perspective, thank you!

James

[Anuj_Poudel]

Hi James,

You told that poverty was your past heritage. That's not only your past. There are lots of people who are below poverty line till the date.

See, I am also from a small city where there was no infrastructures available. People should have to depend upon the primitive way for living their daily lives. It will be so hard after moving to a city to adjust yourself. The people of my country still believes in superstition. I have grown up in such a community where people are so much superstitious that make me to believe in superstition in some way. However, I am not that superstitious though. Peoples use to go to witch doctor instead of hospitals and clinic because they are too much superstitious.
However, growing in such a community, I don't have any issue about my heritage. That was my past and I don't have any options at that time. But now, when I came to know that my heritage was that much superstitious, I think that's to bad to follow in 21st century, when I came across some superstitious thing, I simply ignore it.

People of my country are so superstitious that if a black cat crosses the road, people will choose an alternative way to reach their destination.
Thanks,

[james1]

Hello Anuj,

Welcome to the forums and thank you very much for your thoughts.

It is very interesting to hear about your own heritage and how you have come to make your own thoughts about what is going to be a part of your identity as you move forward in life. I think that is certainly something that we all face and deal with as we start to look at our heritage and question the bits that don't make sense to us. It's certainly interesting - is this something that you have been doing for a while and questioning parts of your heritage which you don't believe in anymore?

James