Sex, intimacy and mental health in culturally diverse communities. Are they connected?

[Donte]

It is a common practice among many Greek older couples to remain married as divorce is forbidden by the church and culturally it has been frowned upon, even when their relationship is truly over.

Instead, they sleep in separate rooms and become housemates but remain legally married for the sake of their children and to avoid the community’s ridicule and gossip.

This way they avoid the community’s judgement and portray to the outsiders that all is good when often the intimacy and connection is long gone.

In many communities the same applies. Greeks are not unique in this.

It can often be a generational thing.

Cultural and religious conditioning makes it harder for older people especially to free themselves from relationships that do not nurture them anymore.

Of course there are benefits in cohabitation like companionship or financial security that is important.

However, how is this affecting the mental health of the individual? How are their emotional, physical, sexual needs met when communication is non-existent and resentment, bitterness and judgement takes over?

I’m not suggesting that sex is everything.

I’m not even saying that people who enjoy a good sexual relationship may not be bitter and resentful.

I understand that intimacy and sex are two very different things.

I just would like to hear from others from various communities and cultural and religious backgrounds in regards to this issue.

I’m sure many suffer from this issue and their mental health is greatly impacted.

I’m interested to explore the correlation of lack of sex in a marriage and mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc.

Often, as we know, living with a mental health issue affects sexual desire.

Lack of sex also can contribute to depression and other mental health issues especially if one partner is still eager and craves sexual connection and the other isn’t. Feelings of rejection, abandonment, lovelessness etc can emerge. This can be very unsettling and confusing and leads to disillusionment and hurt.

What’s your experience of this in specific cultural and religious groups? Is it an issue? How can it be addressed? Is sex a taboo in your community? Who would you talk to about issues of this nature? When? Where? How?

Sex, intimacy and mental health. Are they connected?

[blueskye]

I think sex, intimacy and mental health can be connected.

I have 2 Christian friends and they are both engaged. They want to get engaged and marry to have sex. One has anxiety that God thinks of her poorly because she and her partner had been involved in sexual activities (excluding sex).

I'm not religious but I come from a Chinese background. My mum believes in sex after marriage, but I'm not too fussed. I think sex should be when you're mentally and physically ready.

In the beginning of my relationship though, I would get anxious when I haven't had sex with my partner for more than a week or two . I would think - "Does he like me?" "Guys are always horny!" etc. My thoughts stemmed from my lack of experience in relationships/sex and insecurity. Media has also portrayed people as proactive and sex was the main thing in life - sex = you're accepted in society and you're popular. no sex = you're a loser and a nerd.

Now I'm more relaxed and I don't really care about sex too much. Whatever happens, happens!! 🙂

[Donte]

Hello Blueskye,

Thank you for contributing in this very important and often misunderstood topic.

Sex can be such a taboo in so many cultures and religious groups. This can force people to remain silent. Many cannot openly discuss their sexual needs and desires with their families or their partners out of fear of judgement and criticism.

I come from a culture where even though on the surface seems to be sexually liberated, underneath it is still very conservative based on judeochristian patriarchal values.

This makes many people have double lives. Secret affairs. Communication can be non-existent in this matter and what couples portray to the rest of the family and the world is not the truth.

There’s fear of judgement - usually the female is the victim of persecution and ostracized by family and church. She’s mostly blamed for her husband’s affairs. She’s the problem.

In my culture there’s an attitude that ‘men will be men’. It’s ok to sleep around as long as you still provide for your family. The same applies for same-sex affairs and relationships- as long as you get married and have kids, you can play around on the side with members of the same sex. But god forbid if you dare to come out in the open! All hell brakes lose.

So, numerous couples are trapped in sexless, emotionless, unsatisfying marriages and relationships out of fear of ‘the others’ and play family in order to not be ridiculed and victimized.

This, I’m sure can affect the mental health of individuals, their self-worth, self-esteem, and their wellbeing in general. It also affects their children as kids are very intelligent and pick up the vibes of the parents.

How can we help change this mentality that is the duty of (the woman) to endure as a martyr for the sake of her children and the family reputation? What are some ways to empower women and men to live authentic lives? Why do people still feel they need to hide and live in fear of judgement and discrimination?

Religious and cultural notions can, and often do, perpetuate fear and superstition.

What you have described is a bit different as it is at the beginning of the relationship or prior a marriage but equally harmful and destructive. It is attitudes like these that eat away the heart and soul of people and eventually lead to the end of their relationship.

Would love to hear other cultural and religious points of view and particularly by people who have been suffering because of these notions.